Just then she heard voices and looked down towards the lawn. She saw Lu Lijun was talking to Noah as the two were discussing something.
’Seems like he is back just now. Where had he gone? He looks serious.’ She didn’t pay attention to what they were talking about or discussing but her eyes were stuck on Lu Lijun as if she would see nothing else but him.
’He has grown up and turned out to be better than what we have expected from him, Lu Qiang. You must be proud to see him this capable. I had tried my best to do what you would have done for him though I might lack a lot in doing so. I could give him everything but….what he wants the most is something else.’She looked back at the sky, ‘Will you blame me for his condition. I never thought things would turn out like this.
Her eyes turned moist. ‘Lu Qiang, that is the only wish of his that I can’t seem to fulfil. I know you know everything. You know, I am not fine at all and if I had to give into him, he would never be happy. I would never be able to give him what he deserves. With me, all he will have is issues of a lifetime. I can never be a good partner for him with this broken body and mind. He deserves happiness and someone good in life that will match him and will be able to give him that love which will be only for him. I want him to be like how we two were together and experience what is having true love in life. My heart can never be his completely as it will keep yarning for you till the end of my life. I can never be solely his and it will only disappoint him more.’
She looked back at Lu Lijun who was still talking to Noah and Xiao Min joined them. They seemed to have some serious discussion. Whatever she tried she could not take her eyes off of him. Everything about him was just so good to her eyes.
She looked back at the sky and tears rolled down her eyes, “Lu Qiang, will you be upset with me if my heart beats for him? I tried…I tried not to let it..but my heart seems to not listen to me…I…am sorry….I seem to have fallen for him,’ tears continued to roll down nonstop as she had finally confessed her honest feelings to herself and to Lu Qiang.
’That day of the accident, I thought I had lost him just like you. Just the thought of it had almost killed me entirely. I can’t bear to lose him. I realized how important he is to me and I could not stop wishing for him to be with me forever…. I… hope you won’t hate me for this…I don’t know how this happened but my heart is not in my control. Whatever I try, I end up getting back to him. What should I do, Lu Qiang? What should I do to stop myself? I can’t seem to stay away from him.’
She sobbed, ‘If I don’t see him, my eyes only search for him and I feel anxious when I don’t see him around me. I know I am not good for him but the thought of not having him by my side kills me…what should I do, Lu Qiang?’
She continued to look at the sky, while crying and sobbing, hoping to get an answer and ended up saying, “Why don’t you answer me Lu Qiang? I want you to tell me what I should do.”
”What do you want to do?” she heard the voice and froze in her place.
That was Lu Lijun who came to her when he saw her standing in the gallery while talking to Noah and Xiao Min. She was looking at the sky and even from the distance, he could see she was going through something.
He walked toward her and asked, “Is there anything I can help you with?”
She shook her head and looked to the other side so Lu Lijun would not see her teary eyes. He stood behind her and turned her to look at him by holding her shoulder. Though Jiang Yuyan had wiped her tears, one could still see she was crying from her moist lashes and eyes and the tip of her tiny nose being a little red.
”Why are you crying?” he asked.
”Something went into my eyes when I was staring ahead. Must be dust,” she replied, trying to avoid looking at him.
He cupped her face and made her look at him and caressed her cheeks with his thumb, “Were you missing elder brother?” his voice was gentle and his eyes filled with love for her.
Jiang Yuyan stared at him for a moment after he asked it and her eyes could not stop tears anymore.
He hugged her lightly and patted her head, “I miss him too. Though he is not with us, he will always be in our hearts forever.”
She hugged him back and continued crying. It was right that she always missed Lu Qiang as no one could ever take his place but this time the reason for her crying was different. She had fallen for Lu Lijun and could not dare admit it to him while this guy never stopped caring and consoling her. It made her cry even more not knowing what to do.
