Feng Zhiwei smiled at her “mother-in-law,” wondering what kind of gift she should offer for this first meeting.
Then out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Young Master Gu striding over, infant in his arms and monkeys on his shoulders.
Suddenly wary, she stepped forward and hurriedly took Liu Mudan’s hand, her voice rich with emotion as she replied: “Mother-in-law, this is not the proper place to greet you. Look at how drenched your robe is… we can offer greetings when you’re settled in your tent.” As she spoke, she looked down meaningfully at the woman’s breasts.
Liu Mudan immediately thrust out her chest as she swept her eyes down over herself; it was only then that she realized the state she was in, mussed robes, open lappet, and her exposed, unfettered bosom, but instead of retreating, she looked up at Feng Zhiwei and leaned in unembarrassed, her voice proud as she spoke:??”Jealous? You like? Your Family’s Queen is 45, but they don’t sage enough a bit! Doggy Ji used to suck on them so hard, but he still failed to pull them down…”
The tent entrance flapped wildly as the queen was finally pushed inside her little dog.
Feng Zhiwei shook her finger at Helian Zheng, utterly serious as she said: “Jixiang, you must work on your filial piety.” Sweeping by him as she entered to server her mother-in-law.
Outside, comrade Jixiang suffered the cold wind as his face turned green and grey. He could never win against his mother’s audacity…
“What are you called?” Liu Mudan asked rather calmly, rolling with the shove and easily sitting up and straightening. Her practiced moves seemed to hint at an abundance of similar past occurrences.
As she spoke, she smoothly wrapped a long cloth around her chest. Feng Zhiwei watched in amusement, finally realizing that the long strip the woman had waved around while doing dancing around the river had been her chest band — no wonder her robe had been ajar and her chest popping out.
Noticing her gaze, Liu Mudan stopped tying the band and proudly passed it to Feng Zhiwei, saying: “I made it myself! Look at your mother-in-law’s handiwork!”
Feng Zhiwei obediently accepted the fabric, carefully appreciating her new mother’s work.
The more she looked, the more she grew in admiration.
It was pink silk of the highest quality, sold only in the Central Plains. Countless pearls were stitched on like a strange porcupine, and the left side was embroidered “Greatly Endowed” and the right side “Definitely Busty.” The characters looked like dying dogs, a true display of startling embroidery.
Feng Zhiwei turned it over to admire the inner layer. To her surprise, the insides were also embroidered, with a yellow “Mudan” on the left and “Kuku” on the right, with a red diamond shape in the middle. Feng Zhiwei pondered the strange middle shape — was it supposed to be lips?
Truly a heaven-defying, hell-overturning achievement that could cure blindness and deafness, the true pinnacle of all breast bands…
“Beautiful?” Liu Mudan offered, her eyes gleaming eagerly as she stared up at Feng Zhiwei.
“Beautiful.” Feng Zhiwei replied sincerely. “It not only embodies a capsizing heroic spirit, but also a tender warmth and affection. The glittering pearls and flaming lips remind me of the lines ‘Grieved o’er the years, flowers make us shed tears; Hating to part, hearing birds breaks our heat'[1] feeling.”
“Your ancient people… the Central Plains people are all so literary, I can’t understand.” Liu Mudan replied joyfully, patting Feng Zhiwei’s hand. “But I can tell that you admire me, aih, really, after all these years, you are the only one who can understand my hidden talent… The Emperor really has good eyes. Even though your looks cannot really be shown off and has really disappointed, but your personality is very good. I like it.”
Feng Zhiwei smiled quietly, thanking the woman for her praise. Beside her, Liu Mudan clutched the dirty breast band as she spoke again, conflicted. “Since you like it so much, I should gift it to you, as your mother-in-law I must give a greeting fit, but this…”
“How could Zhiwei take the Queen’s favorite.” Feng Zhiwei hurriedly replied. “Such gorgeous and precious… clothing can only be fitting with the Queen’s charm and noble bearing. Giving it to Zhiwei would waste it.”
Liu Mudan thought for a moment before nodding, finally wearing the chest band once more. “Alright. Your mother-in-law’s money is still held by your father-in-law, and with your father-in-law’s death, it’s now with Doggy Ji. Whatever you want, you can ask him yourself… Come, daughter, give me a hand.”
She gestured for Feng Zhiwei to step around her and help hook the strange little buckles on her chest band. That done, the woman breathed deeply and squeezed her breasts until they reached a satisfactorily lift and height. Finally, she turned to Feng Zhiwei, her voice serious:
“You haven’t grown very well, and men really care about this, so you must be more proactive. I’ll give you a prescription tomorrow, and you will drink it everyday. I can promise that, though you won’t be able to compare with me, you should at least be able to get half my size.”
With those words, Liu Mudan reached up to squeeze Feng Zhiwei as if sizing up meat at a market.
Feng Zhiwei immediately dodged, smiling: “Of course, many thanks for the Queen’s generosity.”
Half your size… would I dare show my face?
“No need for such politeness.” Liu Mudan replied happily. “And if we’re being formal, you’re the Queen now. Call me Mudan Hua — Peony. Catchy, intimate, mother-in-law sounds too old, I’m only 45!”
Right, only 45. Others your age are already holding their great grandchildren.
“Peony.” Feng Zhiwei called easily, her smile as amiable as a flowing river.
Liu Mudan could not be happier. She had found this reasonable and fair-minded daughter-in-law after her own heart, nothing like the other raw and unrestrained steppe woman nor the uptight and shy Central Plain’s women. Excellent.
While the mother and daughter had their intimate and harmonious conversation about their boobs, Helian Zheng stood outside the tent with his Eight Valiants. “What do I do?”
“The Queen… eh, is courteous. She probably won’t be too… impolite.” San Sun replied without any confidence, his voice trailing off as he spoke.
Queen of the Steppe Liu Mudan, self-titled “Rising to the Heavens, Descending to Hell, Peerless Flower of the Steppes” was always the most annoying and frustrating creature in all the lands. Only the Old Shunyi King could stand her, and everyone else, from the noble Ji Doggy Helian Zheng to the most remote tribe’s shepherd boy, a short quarter of an hour with the this most noble woman of the steppes would drive them to the brink of insanity.
After such a long time together, was Feng Zhiwei still alive?
Finally, the curtained door was lifted and the two walked out. Helian Zheng immediately turned, his eyes searching for Feng Zhiwei as the two Queens of the Steppes exited, happily hand in hand.
Lifting Feng Zhiwei’s hand emotionally, Liu Mudan said with the utmost severity: “You must definitely drink it everyday, and try to drink it after bedroom matters…”
Feng Zhiwei immediately replied, cutting her off: “When we have the chance, Peony must teach me to embroider.”
“Sure.” Liu Mudan immediately agreed, losing her train of thought. “I’ll teach you how to embroider one just like mine, and I’ve even thought of some new phrases. You can have “Immediately Expand” and “Rapidly Develop”…
[1] This is from the poem Spring View by 杜甫 Du Fu. I’m relatively certain that Feng Zhiwei is just making up a random compliment and that the words don’t actually matter.
