Feng Zhiwei paused before finally responding: “I could not let that face die before my eyes.”
They both understood her words, and it was now Ning Yi’s turn for silence. After a moment, Feng Zhiwei looked up at Ning Yi and said: “I’ve always wanted to ask you about this; do you have an answer?”
Ning Yi paused, a surprising lost look flashing through his eyes before he shook his head and replied: “When I saw you, I was also very surprised.”
He was saying he did not know the reason. Feng Zhiwei peered into his eyes, and although she felt that he was keeping something back, his words were not a lie.
“I am sorry that Shao Ning did not die and cause you so much trouble.” She said quietly after a moment, “But this was the only thing I could do.”
“And so what is this between us?” Ning Yi asked, his smile growing bitter. “We do not want to oppose each other, but somehow we are both pushed to become each other’s enemy.”
“But I don’t see why we must be enemies?” Feng Zhiwei replied, standing up and leaning down towards Ning Yi. “Tell me, why do you keep obstructing me in Qing Ming? Why have you placed me under Yao Ying’s hindering command? Why have you concluded that I am your enemy? And, why do you care about Feng Hao so much?”
Her masked face hovered right in front of him, her pair of misted eyes glowing with a gorgeous fervor, her long lashes like the ends of a soft brush. Ning Yi idly reached out to touch her, but Feng Zhiwei pulled out of reach.
“We are talking business.” She said, calming her face. “Focus.”
Ning Yi stared a little while longer at her adorable, shy, anger before finally responding: “You have saved Shao Ning twice. Somehow you are closely tied to her, and even your appearances are stunningly similar. You know too many of my secrets, and you are not on my side. What can I do as your superior? Isn’t my only course of action to hinder you or even kill you?”
“The Prince never thought to recruit this National Scholar?” Feng Zhiwei frowned, unsatisfied with Ning Yi’s reply.
Ning Yi silently raised his tea to his lips, pausing without drinking, the hot vapors softly shading his eyes and brows.
Feng Zhiwei did not ask anymore, her fingers clutching her cup, the warmth of her tea unable to reach the spreading cold in her heart.
Finally, Ning Yi quietly replied: “Zhiwei, listen to me. Resign from office and return to the Qiu Mansion. I have ways to get Helian Zheng to take his leave, and in the future, you will be mine…”
He reached into his robes to take out his pendant.
But his hand was stopped by another.
He looked down at the snowy white fingers holding his hand: “Are you saying no?”
Feng Zhiwei removed her hand and calmly replied: “Let us first sort out today, then we can talk about the future.”
Ning Yi slowly pulled his hand out of his robes. After a moment, he spoke: “Alright, then answer this question first. You are a woman, why do you reject the life of marriage and children and instead risk service, accepting duties, boldly moving your way up the steps?”
Feng Zhiwei clasped her hands behind her back and looked up at the vast skies and white clouds, her long hair rustling in the wind, her eyes deepening.
“There is perhaps no one in Dijing who has ever seen my father.” Feng Zhiwei finally began. “I remember before I turned four, he was still around.”
He was a busy, indifferent man always on the move, a dragon who never fully came into view.”
Ning Yi listened calmly. This figure was the famous man who had eloped with the great heroine of the capital, only for her to later return in disgrace.
“My family was very wealthy at that time. We lived deep in the mountains, far from Dijing, but even there we lacked nothing. My father was rarely home, only coming back once in a blue moon. When he was near, he rarely paid attention to my brother and I; and when he was with my mother, she was never happy, and I could sometimes see sadness and despair on her face.”
Ning Yi frowned, confused. If Madam Feng had chosen to recklessly elope and given birth to a daughter and a son, then should she not be deeply in love with her man? Were they not supposed to be an affectionate couple together day and night?
“So as I began to grow, I no longer anticipated my father’s return. Whenever he was home, spirits were low and emotions subdued. We were far happier just the three of us. In my eyes, life was better without a man like him — a man who could abandon his wife at home and paid no attention to his children, bringing no joy or happiness to his family.”
“I always remember my mother frequently telling me that, although most women are parasitic flowers, some never have the fortune to marry a reliable man. Rather than waiting to suffer at the hands of fate, it is better to learn to rely on yourself and to learn to love yourself.”
“Mother taught me many things, and she tried to teach brother as well, but my little brother was not gifted. Mother said that I was the older sister, and since my little brother was good for nothing, in the future he and mother would depend on me. This is my responsibility, and I have never forgotten it.”
“Nonsense!” Ning Yi exclaimed. “How could anyone ask a fragile woman like you to support an entire family?”
“The Feng Family has no fragile women.” Feng Zhiwei replied, calmly turning her bright, clear eyes towards him. “If the Feng Family’s women were fragile, we would have been crushed into dust long ago.”
Ning Yi stared into her eyes and grabbed her hands; her skin was cool, smooth, and soft, but thin calluses marred her palm and stung Ning Yi’s heart.
Feng Zhiwei looked down at their hands and smiled, pulling her hands out of his.
“When I turned four, he no longer returned.” Feng Zhiwei continued. “Without his support, we could only scrape by, and finally mother had no choice but to take us back to Dijing.”
“And so my life in Dijing began.” Feng Zhiwei smiled at Ning Yi. “My mother knelt before the closed gates in the depths of winter and was drenched with a basin of freezing water, and thus began the struggles. Me against Dijing, against Qiu Mansion, against the bullying and humiliation. I never looked back.”
“When you need them most, there will be no one by your side to guard you from the wind and rain. The hostility, humiliation, crisis, and slander can only be carried by you alone, and you must protect your family. Every step is exhausting, but no matter how difficult, there can be no retreat. As soon as you step back, your entire life will fall into the hands of others.”
“We are Qiu Mansion’s shame and everyone hoped we would disappear. Since we refused to disappear, we needed to pay the price.” Feng Zhiwei lowered her eyes. “And so passed the next ten years. Every New Year’s Eve in that small residence, eating our miserable eve dinner while listening to the joy in the main house, I would swear that I would never rely on anyone, never depend on anyone. One day through my own effort I would stand above all those who had looked down on me, and then they would have to look up out of the dust to see me.”
