No matter how high or strong her psychological quality was, when she had to face the fact that her comrades were sacrificed in the same battle, the stimulation wasn’t just a single blow. It was multiple stimulations!
In the military unit, after every battle, there would be psychologists talking to the soldiers that went on the battlefield right after everything ended. This was to prevent them from getting any irrecoverable trauma.
Ye Jian had participated in many actual combats but she had never seen any of her comrades sacrificing before. If she didn’t mention anything about it today, Xia Jinyuan wouldn’t feel at ease. Instead, he would be even more worried.
Now, he mentioned her comrade’s sacrifice when the gloominess in her eyes started fading. This was to stop her from holding back so that she was able to use her healthiest and strongest side, to use her willpower to overcome the stimulations the sacrifice her comrade gave her.
She mustn’t leave any trauma behind. She must face them directly!
Xia Jinyuan’s gaze landed on Ye Jian’s face like the warm sunlight after the snow melted. When he mentioned her comrades’ sacrifices, there weren’t any changes in the gentle expression of his handsome face.
However, the faint sternness in his voice immediately caused Ye Jian to remember the bloody memory that she didn’t want to recall.
Her pupils constricted as she pursed her lips tightly. She looked straight at the man who didn’t allow her to evade his gaze. After some time, she gave a bitter smile and said, “Captain Xia, I need some time. Someone I know was still talking to me shyly in the morning but in the afternoon, he was dead.”
“I always thought that since I have participated in actual combat before, I will be able to face death directly. I’m indifferent about my own death too. However, when I saw a comrade of mine collapsing in front of me, I felt…” Ye Jian stopped slowly and let out a long sigh. Then, she continued softly, “The feeling is hard to explain. It’s painful, frustrating, saddening… All the emotions piled up so I have no idea how to explain it.”
“I also want to say it but the more I want to talk about it, the more I don’t know where to begin. I understand that once I wear the military uniform, there will be sacrifices everywhere. The next one might be you. Captain Xia, I understand everything but I’m still sad.”
Xia Jinyuan placed his hands on her shoulders and said in a cold and low voice that was hard to reject, “Look at me, Ye Jian. Raise your head and look at me with your eyes. Look at me properly and listen to me carefully.”
There was a very soft corner in her heart. This corner belongs to her comrades. Ye Jian wasn’t afraid of sacrificing but she couldn’t bear to see her comrades sacrificing.
“What is the meaning behind sacrifices? It’s to protect something. We are using our lives to protect our country and the peace of our nation. You saw him sacrificing but you must remember why there are sacrifices! That is because there’s evil in the world!”
“This world is full of evil. There are too many wars and harm caused to the people. Our presence is to use our lives to erase the evil that’s harming our nation! If I’m sacrificed one day, Ye Jian, every single bullet from the gun in your hand that hits the evil is the best tribute to these martyrs!”
“You are sad over the sacrifice of your comrades not because you’re not strong enough. You’re a human, someone with your own thoughts and emotions. You will feel angry, sad, you will cry, lament. We are born with all these emotions. We can’t erase them completely.”
