For her to feel a little less guilty and sinful. For her to feel a little calmer and forgiven.
No one could say that killing was a crime in this selection test.
It was a game of life and death.
They were all victims.
If you did not kill others, others would kill you. Everyone was just trying to survive*.*
“Master, how could you… be so nice.” Shen Qianshu’s eyes turned red uncontrollably. Her Master was just too nice. So nice that it made others feel sympathy for him. He stayed silent, yet he did everything.
She only understood how fearful, guilty, and sinful she really felt deep down after the nightmare.
Ye Ling said, “Well, because it’s you.”
Because of you, I am nice.
To others, he was just another cold stranger.
He ruffled Shen Qianshu’s hair. “Want to talk?”
Shen Qianshu nodded. She crossed her legs and sat up. She had too much to tell Ye Ling, yet she did not know where to begin. From the first shot she fired, it had felt like a disaster.
“Before the selection test, I had already killed someone. During training on the island, Xiao Jiu and Xiao Qiao wanted to help me feel less stressful. We concluded that if I was not prepared in the slightest bit, I would either be a burden to the team at the start of the test or be killed real soon. We thought that our team would definitely lose that way, so I had to have some abilities in dealing with it such that we can delay time until help comes.”
“So, we entered the mountains…” She continued.
Shen Qianshu explained the situation to him slowly. She spoke of her reaction, her murdering… her guilt, her fears, and her… excitement!
“I was actually excited!” Shen Qianshu’s nose was red, and she stared at Ye Ling unbelievingly. “Master, do you know how scary that is? My feelings are so mixed on my first attempt at shooting someone dead. I vomited. Because I felt that it was too cruel. I was scared. My stomach felt queasy. But amidst the fear, I was actually… really excited.”
“When I noticed this, I really hated myself for it. How could I be excited? I killed someone, yet it made me feel… like killing another person.” Shen Qianshu hit herself repeatedly on her head. “It was a really scary feeling. I could not get away from it. In fact, I could not convince myself that the thought did not exist. Master, what’s wrong with me? Could I have inherited a natural desire to kill in my genes? Is that why killing got me excited? Am I a lunatic? A maniac? I-”
“Hush!” Ye Ling lifted a finger on her lips, signaling for her to stop speaking. “Most people feel excitement when they kill, especially on their first time. I do too. Psychologically speaking, it is the desire of a conqueror and the desire for victory. Everyone does. And you say that you study psychology? How could you not know this?”
“I learn psychology just on matters related to you,” Shen Qianshu said.
These words sounded unknowingly sweet to Ye Ling.
So sweet that he could get a toothache.
Ye Ling put his hand on her face and kissed her on her tear-stained cheeks. “Why did people enjoy being emperors in the past? They do not hesitate in committing regicide or killing their brothers. Everyone wishes to gain control and power. Everyone has that desire. This is a deep-rooted bad habit and also a natural occurrence due to survival of the fittest. When you stand at the top of the food chain, you naturally hope to be the champion. When you kill someone with your own hands, you would naturally feel a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction because you feel that no one can hurt you. This is a subconscious feeling, but it does not mean that you are really going to kill someone out of excitement, does it?”
