I said nonchalantly, "Su Qi, there's no such thing as not being able to go on without another person. After I left Dongyu, it wasn't as though I couldn't go on."
However, he expressed his doubts. "Really?"
I found myself averting my gaze.
"Uh huh! It's true."
Even after I left him and was in a foreign land, I had never curled up in a corner of my apartment, hugging my pillow and crying my eyes out.
I had never stared at the bracelet that he gave me and thought of him for days on end, hardly eating or drinking.
I didn't work my hands off to earn enough money for an air ticket to fly back home from Los Angeles, only to find that my family had moved and gave me no contact address. Neither did I cry in despair when that happened, as I held the crumpled air ticket in my hand.
Instead, "Life was fine for me." I said and smiled faintly.
But Su Qi gave a feeble laugh and replied, "It wasn't that way for me. I had never tried letting go of you."
His arms tightened around me and his voice trembled slightly as he said, "But I regret it. I regret it. This time, I won't let go before you!"
"…"
"Xiachun, won't you be my girlfriend?"
"…"
"Let's be together. Whether you wish to stay in the country or return to America, I'm willing to compromise. As long as we can be together…"
"…"
"Xiachun, won't you say yes?"
…
I stood there helplessly as he tried all ways and means to persuade me, repeating his request tirelessly, as though he would go on till the end of time or until I agreed.
Alas, I had to disappoint him.
The end of time would not come, and I also wouldn't give in, in a moment of weakness.
I told him, "Su Qi, I'm unable to love anyone else. It's been eight years and so much has changed, with the exception of this one thing."
Su Qi stared at me and suddenly his eyes curved like crescent moons. "Well then, I have the right to wait for you!"
My chest tightened.
"I will wait for you. I'll keep waiting, until you are willing to be with me."
I felt my nose stuffing up all of a sudden. "Su Qi, why are you being so silly?"
He lowered his head and nuzzled my nose. "Because I love you so much, silly."
Exhausted, I took in a breath of fresh air as we walked out of the skating rink. My restless heart calmed down almost immediately.
After saying goodbye to Su Qi, I returned to the apartment. I looked at the time. It was already seven in the evening.
I hadn't eaten dinner, but I wasn't hungry. Just thinking about the wedding tomorrow made me uneasy and even a little anxious. As time passed, this sense of anxiety grew stronger.
I'd rather suppose it was my smoking addiction acting up, so in order to calm myself, I convinced myself to walk half an hour from the city center to the apartment.
When I finally arrived at the apartment building, I raised my head and saw that the lights on the fourteenth floor had gone out. My heart, however, was pounding like a drum. I felt around for my keys and glanced hesitantly at the dark windows again. Ultimately, I didn't have the courage to open this particular door.
I thought I needed to calm down some more. At the very least, I should learn to face him with a certain peace of mind.
It was already late at night, and most of the lights in the apartment building had gone out. There was only the white light cast by the few street lamps in front of the apartment building, but they only accentuated the bleakness of the night.
I leaned against the wall dejectedly and lit another cigarette.. Pinching the cigarette box, I realized it was empty.
