During the time that Gu Xingze had left her, she had been so consumed by guilt and pain that she had momentarily neglected Mu Yazhe’s feelings.
At that time, she was in a confused state. She was so fully indulged in the pain she felt that she was constantly focused on it. Little did she realize that he was also carefully protecting her.
Every time she woke up from a nightmare, he would be by her bedside, busy comforting her emotions, wiping away her cold sweat, and coaxing her to sleep.
When her emotions were at their lowest, he held the bowl, repeatedly persuading her and coaxing her to eat.
She couldn’t see how nervous he was.
But in her semi-consciousness sometimes, she would always feel that he was by her bedside, holding her hand gently, never letting go.
She had no awareness of his sufferings, much less his pain.
He was not good with words, nor was he good at expressing.
Her man was an extremely reserved man who hid his emotions deep in his heart.
During that period of time, he was suffering as well.
He did not know how to share her pain, nor how to bring her out of that shadow.
He was a jealous man. In the past, she could not even mention Gu Xingze’s name.
However, during this period, she had watched Gu Xingze’s videotape for entire afternoons.
He looked on from the side, feeling helpless and heartbroken.
He whispered into her ear countless times, “Shishi, you still have me. Gu Xingze is no longer around, but I’m still here.”
…
“I can’t lose you. Wake up, won’t you wake up?”
…
“Won’t you forgive yourself? Forgive yourself and stop torturing yourself…”
…
“If only you’d recover, I’ll accept whatever price I have to pay!”
More than once, he had held her shoulders and said with no uncertainty, “Shishi, Gu Xingze is not the only one who’s willing to protect you with his life; there’s me too.”
So can I.
“I love you with my life too.”
…
But every time when confronted by her indifference, he could only hold her in his arms, there was nothing else he could do.
Often, she would wake up from nightmares and just sit there motionlessly, crying nonstop.
He would scramble to wipe away her tears while trying to suppress the bitterness in his heart. God knew that his heart almost shattered whenever he saw her tears.
It was as though her heart had died, leaving him with a heart that was constantly trembling in fear.
For the first time in his life, he felt such a deep fear.
He was afraid that she would not make it through.
He was afraid she’d leave him behind, along with their unborn child.
He was afraid… to lose her.
Later, her maternal instincts were awakened, and she started making attempts to eat, to talk, and to return to her normal life.
He was pleasantly surprise, but he was still cautious, constantly afraid of stirring her emotional state and hurting her in any way.
He did not dare to be too indulgent in happiness, lest the heavens be jealous of him and take revenge on him. Should his dream be shattered, he would have nothing.
He watched over her carefully and protected her. He was worried about her being in the hospital, so he took her back to Yun Shan Shi Yi to nurse her pregnancy.
The time she spent nursing her pregnancy was the happiest time of her life.
He had pushed off a lot of work. When she was asleep, he would rush to the office to settle matters. He would return home early to accompany her, even if it was just to take a stroll in the back garden with her.
