“Before you beat him up, what are you going to do about the child?” Mu Lan asked softly.
In the end, Yan Su declared, “I want to abort the child.” She looked determined.
Mu Lan gulped. ‘Hubby, you sure gave me a tough job.’ She took Yan Su’s hand on her. “Are you sure about it?”
Yan Su nodded. “Absolutely sure.”
Mu Lan inquired, “This is your first born with the man you love. Are you sure you want to hurt him?”
“He didn’t think about my happiness. Why would I think about him? Hmph!” Yan Su crossed her arms and turned her face.
Mu Lan took a glass of water and drank a mouth before asking, “What is your future plan?”
Yan Su seriously answered, “You know what I want to become a journalist. I already got a job in Madagascar. It’s my dream job. I cannot refuse it just because I’m pregnant.”
Mu Lan nodded in understanding. “How long you will be there?”
Yan Su replied excitedly, “At least three years. If I do a better job, it will take five years at most. After that I will have my own office. You have no idea what I planned. In ten years, I will be famous.”
Mu Lan praised her. “That’s wonderful. So, in ten years of future plan where did you put your fiancé? He must be part of your plan since you two will spend the rest of your lives together.”
Yan Su thought before answering, “…I never thought of adding him in my future.”
‘Hubby, you are so right.’ Mu Lan wanted to sob but there were no tears. “Don’t you love him?”
Yan Su shrugged. “It doesn’t mean I cannot live without him.”
This time, Mu Lan greatly missed Xue Lin. She wasn’t good at pointing out people’s innermost thoughts like Xue Lin. In the past Xue Lin made her realize that she moved Mu Liang and made Qi Ying realize the reality. This time, it’s Yan Su, and her case was the toughest.
Mu Lan pondered before saying, “When I realized I fell in love with Liang, my first wish was to let him know what I felt. Do you know why?”
Yan Su asked curiously, “Why?”
Mu Lan explained, “Because I saw him every day waiting for me to step up and declare my affection for him. At that time, I wasn’t sure and I was confused and that’s the very reason why I didn’t give him any false hope. So, when I knew my feelings for him, I didn’t miss my chance to share it with him. Slowly I came to know that he is very possessive. He is so possessive that sometimes he wants to shackle me in a house so that I cannot run away and other men cannot see my face. He shared his thoughts.”
Yan Su was flabbergasted. “He dared to tell you? Did you beat him up?”
Mu Lan sweetly smiled. “No, I couldn’t bear to hurt him. I only smiled and hugged him tightly. I told him that if he really wished that, then we would stay confined in a room and no one would find out about us. As long as he was there, even if it was hell, I would love to cross it.”
Yan Su didn’t know what to say. “…What are you saying….?”
Mu Lan looked at her. “This is love, Yan Su. It is something that I cannot leave without. Liang is my love and life, and I cannot imagine a day without him.”
Yan Su asked in a panic state, “But didn’t you let go of your responsibility because you love freedom?”
Mu Lan raised her eyebrow. “Aren’t I free to choose the man I love? I chose him freely and I want to be confined with him freely. No one can stop me from doing so.”
Yan Su gave her a logic. “But you cannot retail against first cousin.”
Mu Lan asked her back, “Why will I go against him? He is not torturing me. He won’t dare to do that. He will give me clothes, food, a place to stay, if I get sick he will bring doctor, we will have fun together, we will do whatever we want together. So, tell me, why will I go against him?”
“…You…” Yan Su lost words.
“I’m possessed by him. I’m obsessed with him. I cannot live without him. I cannot sleep well without his warmth in me. I cannot have a good dream without his smell on me. This is my way to love him.” When Mu Lan said that, she looked so peaceful, a loving woman.
Seeing her like that, Yan Su’s heart was at ease. She never thought that loving someone could give peace. She always thought it was a responsibility and a barrier to her dream. That’s why she was avoiding having children or didn’t let Lu Feng enter in her dream.
She discovered that she selfishly decided everything knowing that he loved her since childhood. He was always silent about his love but his caring attitude was explicit. He always supported her and even though he had a dream that he would have a family with her, he never forced her, ‘Except for the think that he changed the medicine secretly to make her pregnant.’
But what did she give him in return?
Mu Lan touched her hand with sympathy. “You don’t have to force yourself. Just do what your heart says. Do the thing which won’t let you feel regret in the future. I know you are smart and intelligent and I know that you are mature enough to decide on your own. You definitely love doctor Feng; it’s just that your way of loving is different from mine just like my showing affection is different from Xiao Ying. It’s your wish whether you want to think differently about your future with this child and doctor Feng or you will let them go forever and embrace your future that only has you in it. But no matter what you do, promise me that you will be happy regarding what path you choose.”
