The extent of her sadness and pain is far greater than what he thought. Yuhi believed that he was the only one who could understand the present her. But it seems like even he will have a hard time here. She uses books as a substitute to explain what is actually going on in her head.Living with suffocating feelings, Yuhi wondered how Sumire could do it. How can this girl be so strong despite suffering so much? He wrapped his arms around her and patted her back. “Are you okay?” Yuhi mumbled.
“I guess so.” Sumire leaned into his hold. “I wonder why I am so comfortable when I am with you Yuhi-san, do you understand? It does not make any sense to me.”
“Maybe because you like me a lot.”
Sumire blinked. “I suppose that is the best answer.” She trailed off. “I am indeed more fond of you than before.”
“Sorry that was—”Yuhi paused when he saw her expression. It was the same cold and hollow gaze from before they went out. For a moment he completely froze when he felt her hold his hand. “Are you really okay now?”
“I seem to have a fever again.”
Yuhi brushed his hands across her forehead. “Yeah, your hot.” He trailed off. “Want to go to the infirmary?”
“Don’t we have to give a speech to new students?”
“I can take care of that, you go and rest.”
At that comment he watched as a dark aura surrounded her. Yuhi looked at the girl puzzled.
“If I leave you alone even for a moment Yuhi-san, the new freshman will surround you and steal you away. You don’t understand what kind of creatures young girls are.”
Creatures? Yuhi chuckled when he saw her troubled expression. So this how she shows her jealousy? Despite her strange speech. Yuhi understood what she was getting at. Sumire did not feel well, but she would rather sacrifice her health than risk it.
“Should I skip it too then? Let’s go cuddle in the infirmary.”
Sumire blinked and sighed. “Yuhi-san, I noticed this before, but why do you come to school if you keep skipping everything?”
“Hmmm? I already have enough credits just to let you know.” Yuhi inhaled her scent and brought his lips to her neck. “Why I come into school? Before you came here, people seldom saw me around. I come in for you.”
He saw her look dumbfounded, and he chuckled. “For someone who just came, you need more credits to pass.”
“Yet, you encourage me to skip!”
Yuhi laughed. “You will be fine. I will teach you everything.”
Sumire sighed but relaxed in his hold. “I still think we should go to the ceremony.”
“Alright.” Yuhi squeezed her hands. “Tell me if you feel unwell.”
Sumire glanced down at their hands. “Are we going there like this?”
“Of course we are. We should demonstrate what a senior couple is like.”
“Your so silly, alright let’s get going.”
The two of them quickly left the room, and exited the building. The moment they walked outside though, people surrounded him, leading to Sumire letting go of his hand. He looked at her desperately but saw her mumble. “It’s okay.”
With those words said, he watched as Sumire sat down on the curb and pulled out the copy of Osamu Dazais, only human. A deep sigh crossed his lips as he turned to the people who surrounded him. A mixture of students and business people.
He does not want to bother with them at all. But for Sumire’s sake, he will put up with it.
By the time he finally gets free from the crowd, Yuhi realized that Sumire was no longer there. He looked around worriedly when something caught his attention; on the ninth floor, he spotted her. Ah…
__
Sumire intended to stay and wait for Yuhi. But after watching for a few minutes she slowly realized something. This is the difference between him and her. So many people love and support Yuhi, so many people care. If something were to happen to him people would notice. As for her? Nobody would give her a second thought?
She leaned against the railing with a cigarette in her hands and looked down. It seemed like the crowd already left Yuhi-san be. He will most likely arrive soon.
She didn’t know when it started.
But at some point, it felt like she was no longer breathing. The pain, anguish, all those tears – at some point her emotions became numb. She no longer had trouble breathing, there was nothing there.
‘Ah now I am truly empty.’
If only it was like this from the beginning, then she would not have caused such painful experiences for those she cared for.
All of them leave in the end of the day, she never expected anybody to stay by her side. They all leave because they get tired, they get sick of her, they all get fed up with her behaviour. Of course she cannot blame them. They have every right to leave somebody like her.
A person like her does not deserve happiness and that was why she remained distance. Friendship? If she bothered with it again wont they leave like they did before? If people are going to end up leaving anyway, then why does she have to get involved with them?
Its better if she is alone. But it is frightening to be left alone. She is a hypocrite, even though she understood that it is better to remain distant from everybody. There is still something she clings to so desperately even though it is falling apart.
Back then it was family. She clung to it desperately. Its okay if they dont understand, its okay if they don’t listen. It’s okay if they think she is weird, as long as they stay with her. But in the end maybe she should have just told them everything. As a young girl she often read books and stories about fairies and mythical creatures. Ah, that looks nice. The power to change something with a simple wave of their hand.
Reality is not that simple, change doesn’t happen overnight. It depends on the individual.
If they knew about the pain and anguish she felt since she as a child, would they have come to understand her? It is already too late for that.
