Yukito’s shoulders started to tremble, and his eyes began to tear up.
Jing said, “You get mad when I try to shoo off those pesky girls confessing to you. But that’s just because I don’t like seeing them so close to you. You see that as my interference. I admit that I get jealous. It is natural for me to feel that because I love you. But do you even get jealous for me anymore?”
Jing felt even more like crying. He could hardly contain his tears. “It’s not like I don’t get confessions. So many women try to cling to me during my work or try to seduce me or flirt with me. But…” he clenched his fist, “I never see you get anxious. I would feel so happy if you angry too, but it feels like…it doesn’t even bother you anymore…So, when do you feel jealous?”
Jealous…Of course I feel jealous, Yukito trembled. Why wouldn’t I? I don’t like those women clinging to you either.
I do feel uncomfortable, but…it’s just…
“You don’t get jealous. You don’t have time for me. You only seem to get time to walk on the ramp…not just simply walk with me, holding my hand. You are so focused on the stage that I don’t see myself anywhere besides you. You…you are in every part, every moment of my life, even during work. But where am I in YOUR life? Where do I stand, Yukito?”
Yukito stared at him with an unfocused gaze.
Where…
He is asking me where does he stand in my life? Wasn’t he always beside me? Wasn’t I always beside him? Did that…change along the way? Did I not notice it?
No…I noticed that already, didn’t I? We were growing further apart was something I started to feel for a long time.
So…is it my fault?
“And then suddenly, Wang Ling comes into the picture,” Jing sadly laughed. “Your ex-girlfriend. She is your rival’s girlfriend now, isn’t she? You don’t get jealous for me. Tell me then…did you get jealous for her? Did it prick you seeing her with Huang Minzhe?”
Yukito tiredly collapsed on the chair. He had no strength to think about anything anymore. His heart suddenly felt empty to him.
Wang Ling? He chuckled tearfully. I felt nothing seeing her again. Why would I? Isn’t my heart already filled with you, Jing? All of it. It doesn’t have a place left for anybody.
But will you believe me if I said that? Because…you seem to have made up your mind already that I don’t love you anymore.
Yukito’s silence crushed Jing’s heart. He was waiting for him to argue with him like always. He was waiting for him to shout and yell at him.
But Yukito didn’t answer any of his questions. The last of his remaining hope all faded away.
Jing said the next words with an extremely heavy heart. It was like he was facing the inevitable truth. It felt like the end. “Yukito. I…I couldn’t help but think…are you tired of me? Are you tired of this relationship?”
Yukito’s heart raced faster and faster in his chest. He didn’t like this sickening feeling inside him. He hated the nauseating feeling in his stomach.
Yukito slowly raised his head and looked at him. His eyes were glistening in tears, just like Jing.
“My special someone…you are asking me who that person is?”
Jing’s smiled faltered. His confidence completely vanished. “Yes. Just tell me who it is, and I won’t…” his gaze teared up again, “I-I won’t force you to be with me anymore. I will walk away from your life.”
Silence.
“I see…”
Yukito slowly got up from the chair, but his legs had no strength left to stand. Everything within him felt completely broken to him, like how glass shatters.
He dryly laughed. “If I need to tell you about my special someone, then I wonder why are we in this relationship in the first place? If I need to spell it out to you, then why are we even standing here?”
Jing’s heart skipped several beats.
“I am not tired of our relationship, Jing. I am not tired of you. How can I get tired out of the person I love?”
He trembled and looked at him, suddenly getting a bad feeling in his heart.
“Are you tired of me, Jing?” He asked.
Jing whispered. “How can I? If I had been tired of you, then I wouldn’t be feeling so hurt and crushed right now.”
Yukito smiled. “See? Nobody is tired. But we are still questioning our feelings to this extent. You are questioning my love, and I don’t know how to answer you anymore. But if you feel the need to ask this after all these years, then I think we have walked too further away from each other.”
Jing knew what was coming next.
“So, I guess it’s time to stop here and think what is exactly lacking here? What went wrong with us? Jing…”
This was the first time that Yukito finally shed tears in front of him.
Jing felt as if a knife mercilessly stabbed through his chest.
“Yu-Yukito…” he instinctively raised his hand to touch him.
“Jing…We are standing so near, right here, right now, yet why does it seem that it’s miles away, so much….that it feels like I cannot even see you anymore.”
“Yukito…”
“Let’s just…stay away for a while.”
Jing froze. But he knew this was coming.
“You have hurt me, and it seems like I have hurt you too, though I don’t understand where and how. So we should stay away and sort out our feelings so that we don’t hurt each other any more than we have already done.”
Jing stiffened.
So he isn’t breaking up with me? Does that mean we have hope of getting back together one day?
But the fact they needed to stay apart from now on still broke his heart.
“I…I see. Alright. If that’s what you want, Yukito,” Jing smiled, “I won’t bother you from now on.”
