Nana brought the first-aid kit in Jinhai’s room and sat beside him on the bed. She poured some antiseptic on the cotton and began wiping the blood off his head.
Jinhai was gazing at her with a silly expression on his face, obviously happy to see Nana tending to him. The only thing that revolved in his mind was that Nana still loved him and cared about him.
“I heard what you said to the media reporters,” she said.
“Hm. They just want to use this incident as a means to make their channel more popular, nothing else.”
Nana glanced at him. “I am talking about the part where you said that you don’t feel guilty at all.”
“Because I don’t.”
Nana said nothing. She lowered her gaze and changed the piece of a cotton ball.
She decided to change her tactics. By now, she understood that Jinhai was a stubborn person who thought what he did was always right. He had the power and influence to do whatever he wanted and exactly why he was unstoppable until now.
So, she thought to change herself and her ways to talk to him. She knew she had to be patient and calm to make him understand, even if a little bit.
I can start with a small thing.
“How are the Tangs doing? Do they know what happened today?”
Jinhai shook his head. “No. They are already in jail and under tight security. They cannot know what happens outside anymore.”
Nana wiped his forehead again. “I see. Oh, I remember. You said something like they didn’t hate me anymore. What was that about? I didn’t talk about clearly to you at that time.”
Jinhai smiled. “Tang Ning felt so gracious about you. They heard our conversation and how you don’t want them dead. When they heard how you never wanted revenge against Suyin, it was like they became different people. They, who hated you seeing with Jianyu and our families, told I wasn’t worthy of you of such a kind and gentle woman like you.”
Nana faintly smiled. “Strange, isn’t it? The Tang family hated me to their core, but I never thought that they would think good about me one day.”
“Truly mysterious, isn’t it?” Jinhai tilted his head. “Your kindness reached their hearts.”
“That’s a good thing. The lesser they hate, the lesser there is a need for revenge, the more their hearts would be at ease.”
Jinhai tilted his head. “I don’t think so. There are times you get satisfied only when you see them suffer.”
“And the times like these when their hearts truly change for you isn’t that bad either.”
“I never cared what they think about you or us anyway in the first place. They don’t hold any importance to me.”
Nana blinked her eyes. “So not killing them and instead of the fact that they realized their mistakes somewhere or the other…didn’t you feel even a little bit nice and…satisfied? Didn’t you feel a little bit nicer not needlessly sullying your hands with blood?”
Jinhai narrowed his eyes as he understood the context. “Suyin wouldn’t have changed, Nana.”
“How do you know? Did we know that the Tangs would think differently about me one day, either just because I asked you to spare their life? They think of you not worthy of me now. You, who they have known since childhood. Did you expect this reversal ever to happen?”
He said nothing.
Nana discarded the cotton ball and took a band-aid. She peeled off the cover and leaned in closer to put it on his wound.
“I am not saying that she would have changed. She would not have. But that is not for us to decide. That’s why the people outside are so angry at you.”
She was done and packed the box. She earnestly looked at him.
“Jinhai. Trust me. I understand where you are coming from. I understand your point of view as well. You did all that for me. It was natural to get angry for my sake because you love me. That is how you have handled things until now in your own way. I don’t expect you to change yourself for me. I don’t want that. Your cruelty and ruthlessness are a part of you, and I don’t want to disregard it. If I don’t accept it, then how can I say that I love you? Love means that you know their perfections and imperfections both, yet you wholeheartedly accept them.”
Jinhai silently kept staring at her.
“I just wish that perhaps our thoughts could meet halfway somewhere. Your way of thinking and my way of thinking. A common ground. A balance and a compromise.”
Jinhai curiously looked at her.
Nana smiled. “Kindness has the power to melt even the stubborn of hearts. Of course, that is not always the case. I am not saying that being kind is always right, or it always works. But neither does being cruel. And that’s when our beliefs can merge to know what approach is suited to what situation. Like, take Suyin’s case.”
“How?”
“You are the king of the Underworld. Naturally, you wanted to punish her. So to feel the satisfaction you were talking about to see her suffer, you could have harmed or tortured her a little your way and stop at that. And then send her to the hospital or the jail as a sign of letting it go. Spending your entire youth and life in jail is a punishment too for anybody. Nobody likes their freedom snatched away.”
Jinhai squinted his gaze. Even though not entirely, but he was getting the point she was trying to make.
“This way, we both got what we wanted. You would have seen her suffer, and I wouldn’t feel guilty that she had to go through all that because of me.”
For the first time, Jinhai bothered to think about it properly.
When Nana said about meeting halfway and balance, it struck him then that it was wrong of him to expect Nana just simply to accept his ruthless side. He always knew that she was kind-hearted, so how could he ask her not to question his methods?
This day was bound to come when their contrast beliefs would have clashed. And that day, he couldn’t just say to her that this was how he was and deal with it. Just as her gentleness was sometimes difficult for him, his cruelty was for her too.
This wasn’t how any marriage or relationship worked. It is never one-sided acceptance.
