A few days passed.
“Ugh…it hurts…” I muttered as I massaged the top of my head. I was fine right when I had jumped off the platform, but now, I had a huge lump on my head.
“Fuck that bastard,” I said, thinking of that middle-aged employee. I should’ve left him with a lump as well.
“Sian, are you okay?” Jia said, plopping down next to me. A lovely face, perfect proportions, and a long, graceful neck. She was so beautiful and sexy.
“Here,” I said pointing to the spot on my head. Jia poked at it gingerly and her eyes widened.
“Is that a lump?”
“What else can it be?”
“Wow. That’s amazing. I’ve never seen one this big before.”
Jia continued to stare at my lump with wide eyes as she massaged my head gingerly. Huh, what do you know? That actually felt good.
“Anyways, where is everyone?”
Seriously, where did they go? It was just me and Jia. Then again, it was so early in the morning.
“They’re sleeping.”
“Oh really?”
Never mind. It was late in the morning. Too late for them to still be sleeping. How long were they planning to waste the day away?
“Don’t we have a photoshoot today?”
“Yeah, but that’s in the afternoon, so we have some time,” Jia answered.
My eyes began to slip down to her lips. They were small and red, like cherries. They were so tempting. I suddenly recalled that moment in the pool when I had kissed Jia, and a smile crept onto my face.
“Sian, what is it?” Jia asked, looking confused.
That brought me back. Okay, Sian. Let’s stop. I couldn’t turn Jia into a lesbian. I might lose her if I do that. Therefore, I would have no choice but to hold myself back and live with this unrequited love.
‘Shit!’ I mentally cursed.
“But, Sian.”
“Yeah.”
“They say it’s going to be a sexy photoshoot. Are you okay with that?”
“A sexy photoshoot?”
That’s the first time I heard that. All I was told was that it was going to be a photoshoot.
“Yeah. You, me, and Yoo-jin’s concepts are supposed to be sexy.”
“Oh…”
Well, shit. A sexy concept…I mean, it made sense for me, I guess…I turned heads wherever I went. Even I can’t help but look at my own body in the shower. Of course, I also use that time to enjoy the other members’ bodies as well. Well anyways, that’s why I hate revealing stuff like mini-skirts. I mean, I have no problem with other women wearing such things. I just don’t like them for myself. Oh god, they’re not going to make me wear that kind of stuff, are they? I hope not.
“Are you okay with that? You don’t like wearing revealing clothes.”
“Of course I don’t,” I said, nodding furiously.
“What are you going to do? I hear you’re going to have to wear a mini skirt.”
“What?”
What the fuck?
“Who decided that?”
I swear, if it was either Jinwoo or Manager Lee, I’ll kill them. They both know I hate wearing clothes like that. Even for stuff like broadcasts, they have to practically force me into ripped skinny jeans. They can force me into a skirt, if there’s no other choice, but only on music programs. And a mini skirt? Forget it.
“The photoshoot photographer decided that.”
“….”
Crap, if it wasn’t someone I knew well, I couldn’t complain…I didn’t want to cause trouble…”
“Why me?”
“Because you’re the sexiest.”
“Oh.”
I mean, that is true. Out of all the members, I did have the sexiest body. And my face was pretty up there as well. My curves were second only to Yoo-jin. The people in charge of the photoshoot must’ve been looking at me favorably. In the past, people simply praised me, but now I guess it’s time to put my assets to use….this is going to be hard. Next thing you know, I’m going to get a call from Max Boy magazine. I’ve seen magazines like that before. The girls are always in revealing poses, showing off their curves.
“It’ll be okay, right Sian?”
“I mean, if they say I have to, then I guess I have to. But is it really that short?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t get the specifics. I guess we’ll see when we’re there.”
“Sigh…Jia, give me your hand.”
“Huh? Okay, sure.”
Jia held out her hand and I grabbed it. I could feel myself calm down at the moment I did. Of course, some parts of me were not so calm at the physical contact…
After a while, the other members began to wake up one by one.
“Huh? Sian. Jia. You two are up early,” Yoo-young said, already awake. She was so pretty, in a sweet and innocent way. Her blushing, fair skin was definitely her best asset. Oh, and her hair. Whenever she tucked it behind her ear, she truly looked like an angel. Just then, Ji-hyun stumbled out of her room. Her eyes were still closed and she greeted us with a sleepy pout. I almost kissed her. One by one, the other girls came out of their rooms, including Yoo-jin. The other one with a sexy concept. The girl with a lovely smile, but shameless to the core.
“Hi, guys,” Yoo-jin said with a wave. As she did, her…well, I’ll refrain from mentioning anything else for the sake of decency.
“Sheesh. Cover yourself up.”
“I don’t want to. These babies deserve their time in the spotlight,” Yoo-jin said, pushing her chest out. We all laughed. As she walked back into her room, she said, “Sucks that all of the food goes to my chest.
***
We all got ready to leave for the photoshoot. Since we were going to change when we got there, we just wore our regular clothes.
“What’s your concept, Hainan?” I asked.
“They said I’m going to be cute. I hear I’m wearing suspenders,” Hainan said as she bounced. The thought of wearing pretty clothes must be making her pretty happy. But suspenders? I guess a mini skirt was better than that…ugh, this sucks.
“But Jia, don’t you think you should wear some padding?” Yoo-jin said to Jia.
Jia looked down at her chest and asked, “Should I?”
“You should. I have something that will stay put.”
With that, Yoo-jin pulled out two pads. And Jia…slipped the paddings in. And wouldn’t you know? They really did make a difference.
“Much better.”
“Ugh, you guys are so lucky,” Jia said enviously to me and Yoo-jin. I couldn’t blame her. I hate to say this, but compared to us, Jia really was very flat.
“Having a big chest isn’t everything,” I pointed out. Honestly, I hated having such a huge chest. It really messed with my sense of identity. I feel like I’m becoming more of a girl….I mean, just look at how much nicer I’ve become.
“Guys, let’s go. The van is here,” Yoo-young said. We all followed her out of the dorms.
***
We arrived at the set. A lot of the male employees greeted us enthusiastically, while the photographer remained indifferent. I sensed a strong aura coming from her. Oh yeah, the photographer was a woman. And since she was a woman, she didn’t really feel any excitement when she saw us. If the photographer had been a guy, we would’ve probably received a more enthusiastic welcome. Anyways, we bowed our heads at everyone who came our way, and the staff seemed to find that adorable.
“Can you guys come over here, please?” A woman called out to us. We headed over to her. She began to pass us our costumes.
“Wow! So pretty,” Yoo-young said happily as soon as she saw the clothes, and I couldn’t blame her. The clothes were pretty and innocent-looking. The blouses were ivory with feathers hanging off it. I just knew Yoo-young would look so pretty in it. Ji-hyun as well, but Ji-hyun isn’t very innocent. I mean, she looked innocent on the outside….Hainan got her suspenders, just as predicted, and her clothes were pretty as well. Everyone’s were. But mine…
“Oh…”
‘Fuck.’
I only said that mentally. But seriously? I was supposed to wear this?
“How can I wear this?” I said, eying the mini-skirt. It was really short. They’ll be able to see my ass cheeks.
“Aren’t there safety shorts?” Jia asked as she approached me.
“I mean, there are, but…it’s so short.”
“Let’s see.”
Jia looked at my clothes and smiled.
“Hmm…yeah. For me, it’s fine, but I guess for you, it would be uncomfortable.”
“Very uncomfortable.”
“Still, try it on. You might change your mind.”
“Okay…”
I highly doubted that. But I still took the mini-skirt and the top with a deep V-neck and made my way to the changing area. And that’s when I ran into Jinwoo. Why was he here?
The moment he saw me, he gave a big smile.
“Hey, Sian!” he said.
“Hi, Mr. Park. What are you doing here?”
“I came to watch you girls! I wanted to see how pretty it would turn out.”
“Huh.”
I gave a quick, fleeting smile.
“By the way, I heard that your concept was sexy. Are those your clothes?” Jinwoo said excitedly. He looked like he was having fun. Should I hit him?
“Yeah,” I said. I held up the clothes, feeling embarrassed. It wasn’t just the skirt. Just look at the shirt…ugh…no matter how I looked at it, this was so wrong.
“What’s wrong? Why’s your face like this?”
Jinwoo reached down to take off his old shoe. It was super old and wrinkly. Is that how my face looked like? I mean, that was clever, I guess. But what kind of company executive wears shoes like that? Didn’t he have any better ones?
“What’s up with your shoes?”
“Oh. Well, I had to pay off some property damage bills because of someone, so I don’t have much money now, do I?”
“….”
“Hahaha. I’m just kidding. I’m just dropping by so I just grabbed the first pair I could reach. I live in an apartment building nearby.”
“Oh, right.”
“But I don’t get it.”
“Don’t get what?
“You’re a girl. You should be happy you’re wearing such pretty clothes. Even if they are a bit revealing.”
“They’re too revealing. I might as well just go around, flashing everyone.”
“What’s so revealing about this? Go to Gangnam? There are girls wearing skirts that are even shorter.”
“Shorter than this?”
What? Are those girls having a lingerie fashion show or something? How can anyone walk around wearing something like this, much less shorter? I’m going to have to go to Gangnam someday to see this for myself.
“Anyways, try to get used to it. You have the best body out of all the female idols. Not just your body, either. You’re the prettiest overall. And it’s not like your personality is all that sweet, either,” Jinwoo said with a smile.
“Actually, Max Boy called,” he added. “They said they wanted you to do a shoot, but I turned it down, because I knew you wouldn’t like it.”
“Really?”
I knew it. The men’s lifestyle magazine wanted me.
“But, I mean, it’s not like you’ll be naked, so you can try that too, if you change your mind. Everyone else would kill for a chance like this, so I don’t see why you don’t.”
“If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me.”
I mean, even I’m still having a hard time grasping the fact that I was reborn as a woman…how could I expect someone like Jinwoo to understand? He’d just laugh it off, thinking that it was a joke.
“What wouldn’t I believe?” he said.
“I’ll see you later,” I said. With that, I left him to go change.
“Alright…let’s try this one.”
I wasn’t like this in the past. But as I became more and more confused about my gender identity, I came to realize that I truly hated revealing clothes like this. I guess you could say that I’m still trying to hold onto my last shred of dignity as a man. Still, it couldn’t be helped. I stripped and put on the mini-skirt. And…the deep V-neck top. They felt like second skin. They really showed off my curves and…I began to recite my sutra again.
