Seeing his son turned silent at his words, he let out a sharp breath. “I had to do everything that I could to protect you. Even if that meant betraying my blood.”
Zhou Huifang felt his eyes turn hot. He lowered his gaze as he gritted his teeth. “You betrayed your family.”
“I did.I betrayed them for the sake of the people that I love.” To Zhou Jingtao, what he did was not wrong. “However, you and Xiaodan are different. You got too close to Zhou Kang. Back then… I could not contact you. When… when he tried to murder me… and pin it on Zhou Jingren. I did not want to ruin my cover. So I— “
“I mourned for you.” Zhou Huifang uttered. “Me and Xiaodan mourned for you and it was— a lie. Everything was a lie! You manipulated us into thinking you were dead!”
“Zhou Kang was after me! You and him were close! If — If I asked you — If at that time, I asked you to choose between us. I knew you would choose him. Do you really think I would trust someone who does not even appreciate everything that I did for over the years?”
“You— You are a useless father.” He screamed.
A snort escaped Zhou Jingtao’s lips. “I am.” He nodded. “I know, I am.” Still, he believed that whatever it was that he did was only done because of his inner goal of protecting his family, his children. Maybe at one point, he made a lot of mistakes. Maybe he was not the perfect father.
And he regretted it. He regretted everything and wished that he could just fix them. But… life was not meant to be like that. Life is cruel. It will force you to live the life that you choose. To remember all the terrible decisions that you made in your life. To live with your regret and your guilt.
It will then force you to dream about those decisions every night. It would make you realize that sometimes death was better than life as it would give you peace. “Xiaodan died because of me.” Zhou Jingtao added. “If you want to punish someone… if you want to avenge him, then, you should do it to me. I deserve it.” He lowered his gaze before he finished his cigarette.
“Zhou Jingren and his family stole everything from us.” Zhou Huifang said, his voice low. “I want to— “
“Listen to yourself.” His father let out a low chuckle. “You sound like Zhou Kang.” He turned towards the busy street just below them. “We stole from him. It was not the other way around.”
“But— “
“Didn’t you know? We are the one who ruined his life, his father and mother were forced to run away because of your grandfather. He lived in an orphanage. Growing up, he did not have the education and the privileges that you and your siblings enjoyed. He worked his way from the streets to where he is now.”
“Are you really satisfied with all this? With how everything turned out?”
“Huifang… if you want to survive in this world. Let that kind of thinking go.”
“What— “
“One where you feel that you deserve more. The thinking that makes you want more. The thinking that stops you from feeling satisfaction.” His father said. “I am satisfied with how everything turned out. I lost one son but I still have you and Lanying. I am working under the company that I love and… I am working to atone for my sins. Working my way into earning the forgiveness of the people that I— ruined.”
Zhou Huifang clenched his jaw as he watched the side profile of his father. Seeing this, Zhou Jingtao continued. “I don’t want to lose you or Lanying. So… I want you to understand that all this is not Zhou Jingren’s fault. Hell… this is not anyone’s fault. We are all victims of a tragic fate. And we need to accept that before we lose ourselves in the never ending cycle of revenge and hate.”
“You coward.”
“Being satisfied is not being a coward.” Zhou Jingtao sighed. “I am already old. I don’t want to involve myself in chaos. I wanted to let go of the pain, accept it as fate and cherish the time that I have left. Hopefully with a happy family”
“Well.. I am — “
“If you want to die then go head.” Zhou Huifang interrupted him. “You are an adult and I have no control of your life. I tried my best to protect you from everyone else however… I cannot protect you from your own stupidity. If you want to end your life for meaningless reasons, then go ahead. I am not going to convince you to stop.” By now, he already understood his son’s greed was eating him alive. No amount of convincing would stop him from thinking that the world owed him just because he experienced a little set back, a little heartache.
Zhou Huifang turned towards the streets. He already expected his father to talk to him about what he did yesterday. However, he never expected him not to stop him from what he was about to do.
“You are young Huifang. Unlike me, you have an opportunity to start over. To have a clean slate, no sins or regrets. Be wise, and know who truly is your ally. You should be smart enough to know that — To know what you want.” Zhou Jingtao added. “I hope you will realize that because of your greed, people are able to take advantage of you easily. They are using you to fight for their senseless cause. Or maybe you already know it and yet, refuse to acknowledge it. Unfortunately, I cannot do anything about that.” He stood from his seat and eyed his son.
“I did my best in protecting you. For all these years… I have become my father and brother’s slave. I am not a hypocrite to blame them for what is happening in our lives now. Because… My previous silence, my previous submission was also something that contributed to all of this. To protect you and your siblings, I did what I thought was the best for our family at that time. There are some things that I cannot control and I apologize for that. However, I truly hope that you will think about it. Spend some time to really analyze everything, before you do something that you cannot take back. Something that will leave you with regret for the rest of your life.”
….
Proofreader: Dragon777
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