Feng Tianlan saw how Xi Jin blamed himself and that he looked guilty. She sighed internally and said blandly, “In fact, there is no need to be sorry. These things are understandable. I just hope you do not question me on why I didn’t tell you. You can ask yourself this: would you have believed me if I had said that I was Dai’er at that time?”
Xi Jin nodded heavily and said, “Yes, I would have.”
“And after that? Would you have gone to tell Shen Yunya? To say that you found me only for me to be killed again when I’m at my most vulnerable?” Feng Tianlan lowered her eyes and asked evenly, “Perhaps, if I had told you that I was killed by Shen Yunya, you would not have believed me.”
Xi Jin was dumbstruck by Feng Tianlan’s words. He opened his mouth, wanting to refute them, but found that he couldn’t do so. He himself was not certain of whether or not he would have reacted that way. After all, if Lin’er’s words had not roused him, if he had not seen the truth at the state preceptor’s place, he felt as though he would have been kept in the dark for the rest of his life.
“I am sorry.” He realized that these three words were all he could say to her. They were very weak, but still, he had to say them.
“I don’t blame you. You don’t have to apologize. Not everyone can be rational. After all, not everyone is like Mobai. Furthermore, I did not reveal myself on purpose. So, naturally, I would not let you recognize me,” Feng Tianlan replied.
He Lianhuang had recognized her because she used the Wind, Flower, Snow, and Moon technique. Sister Lin knew who she was because she had confessed her identity. Although Shen Yunya had suspected it, she had not identified Feng Tianlan in the end.
Only Mobai had not reacted when she was disguised as a man. He hadn’t even had any time to consider whether it was her or not because there was no need. All he had to do was take one look and he could recognize her in a crowd, regardless of her appearance.
Feng Tianlan looked up at the self-reproachful and guilty Xi Jin. She sighed inside and softened her tone as she said, “Big Brother Jin, don’t feel guilty and blame yourself again because of this.”
When he heard Feng Tianlan call him Big Brother Jin, Xi Jin seemed to see hope and looked at her with burning eyes. “Dai’er…”
“Big Brother Jin, I’m Feng Tianlan, not Dai’er anymore.” Feng Tianlan watched as the light in his eyes dimmed once again. She said helplessly, “Big Brother Jin, you are the Crown Prince. You have your duty, and you should think of your own responsibility. Your focus should be the realm of Dongshu Nation, not me. Don’t lose yourself.”
Xi Jin’s head hung even lower. No one knew what was going on in his heart.
“Crown Prince Jin, can’t you live once for yourself? Can you be stronger? I feel pressured and burdened when you do this in front of me. I do not need this kind of love from you. The pressure leaves me feeling suffocated,” Feng Tianlan said.
Feng Tianlan watched as Xi Jin suddenly jerked his head up, looking at her full of shock with hurt in his eyes. She gritted her teeth and said, “You are good in front of others. Why are you so cowardly in front of me? It’s not manly at all. Even if I chose you in the previous life, the end result would be the same. You still would not be able to protect me. Your behavior would only make me want to escape you even more.”
Her words were harsh, but she really did not want Xi Jin to be so full of shame in front of her. He shouldered all the blame. But she herself did not see Shen Yunya’s true colors. So how could she blame Xi Jin?
It was also not his fault that he couldn’t recognize her. He had also done nothing wrong by being deceived by Shen Yunya for so long. He could not be this low because of her.
And indeed, she could not accept his deep love. It was too heavy.
Since she did not love him, she had to make it clear that she didn’t and not simply accept his affection for her.
