Ch. 129 What Should I Believe (2)
Ian lowered their joined hands.
“Hold on to what you have to believe.”
“What should I believe?”
Ian didn’t answer. It was just like when Professor Hewitt had said, ‘Think for yourself.’
Louise followed his gaze and looked at their intertwined hands. His hand was still cold, but the longer she held it, the warmer it became. Eventually, the temperature in both their hands equalized.
“I…”
Louise swallowed.
“…I changed it?”
“Yes. You changed it.”
Just holding each other’s hands changed their temperature. Being together would have an even greater impact. Now she understood what he meant when he said “believe”.
“All the things that I’ve influenced and affected…”
“Yes. In the end, that decides who you are.”
That was why no one doubted Louise at the stairs. When she paused to think about it, it was only natural. Louise loved Academy life and the people she met here. She had always smiled in the midst of happy things. Louise of the original and the Louise she was now were completely different. Their influence and impact on the world were not the same. Why did she only realize that now? Relationships, experience and personality. She was like a perfect stranger.
“Why…why haven’t I been able to think of that before?”
If she had separated the two earlier, she would have been free in so many ways. There would have been no harm done to Ian, nor would she have had sleepless nights filled with worries. It was such a simple conclusion.
“You can’t understand the present from that past. It’s like a child asking what their height will be.”
Louise’s vision blurred with tears at his reply. A hand of the same temperature swept Louis’s cheeks.
“But I understand enough that you were upset. I am too.”
After wiping away her tears a few more times, he pulled her sorrowful form into his full embrace.
“…I should have known earlier.”
He pressed his head against her soft shoulder as he whispered.
“At a time when you were struggling alone. I should have known…”
There was a tangle of emotions in his voice, something like regret or anger.
“But you…”
A muffled voice came from his arms.
“…you were the first to know.”
“Well, I don’t really want to say this.”
Louise leaned back and listened to him quietly.
“…I think the first to notice was Hesse.”
“Sir Hesse?”
“Yes.”
He sighed for a moment as he softly rubbed her back.
“He used to say that Louise of the Greenhouse was strange.”
“Am I strange?”
“Yes. As if you think the affection of the people around you will disappear tomorrow.”
“Did I act like that?”
“Of course, back then, I told him not to talk nonsense.”
But Hesse was right. His fiancée had always acted that way. Louise held on tightly to affection as if she was expecting it to disappear.
“And Hesse wasn’t wrong. After listening to you today, I know now.”
“That’s true. I have to thank Sir Hesse.”
“…Was it Hesse?”
Ian asked as if something had come to mind.
“What? What is it?”
“The one you liked in the orb.”
Louise removed herself from Ian and quickly cleaned her face with her sleeve.
“Just a moment ago, didn’t you tell me to believe in my influence?”
“That’s what I said…but from your reaction I really think it’s Hesse.”
“Why do you care?”
“I’m simply curious.”
“It doesn’t seem like simple curiosity.”
“What does it seem like then?”
It seemed like he wanted to hang Hesse’s neck on the capital walls.
“Scary.”
“The scary thing is you liking Hesse in the magic orb…”
After a brief pause, Ian gripped Louise’s shoulders and looked at her earnestly. She guessed it was a problem that she couldn’t laugh away.
“Is it true?”
Louise just smiled instead of answering.
“It’s not? Right?”
She continued to smile while he frowned, and Ian thought that Louise must have been under his influence to become a great devil.
*
*
*
After an entire day in the infirmary bed, Stella Lapis opened her eyes. Sunlight filtered through the thick curtains. It looked like it was daytime.
What happened?
When she was on the stairs, someone pulled her clothes and she lost balance. She remembered seeing Louise Sweeney’s shocked face when she fell down.
Stella rose slowly. There wasn’t much pain except for some minor aches here and there. Someone must have treated her with magic. What a luxurious method.
Stella turned her head, and saw various items spread out on a small table next to her. The first thing she noticed was a vase of brilliant red flowers, but she didn’t know its name. Neatly arranged beside it was a uniform. She had probably been changed into comfortable clothes and her uniform was left for laundry. Beside that were various notices from the professors, informing her that she would be marked in attendance even if she didn’t show up in class.
At the end of the table, her gaze finally fell on two puddings. Were those for her to eat? Come to think of it, she was a little hungry. Stella took the lid off a cup, the sweet scent wafting into her nose. Before she knew it, she hurriedly ate a mouthful of pudding. It was soft and sweet on her tongue.
“It’s delicious.”
She mumbled a little and took another quick bite, and eventually, the two pudding cups were quickly cleaned. Later she felt regretful, as she hadn’t savored them attentively.
From behind the curtain came the sound of someone entering the infirmary. Was it the wizard healer? Should she get up? As Stella debated what to do, the curtains were drawn open, and she saw a familiar face.
“Professor.”
It was Professor Juliana Lassen.
“Stella Lapis. You’re awake.”
“Yes, Professor.”
“Thank goodness. You were asleep, and I was afraid I would have to contact the church.”
Stella shifted a little under the professor’s concerned gaze.
“Thank you, but I think I’m OK now.”
“It looks like you are. You’ll probably feel better after eating. Then you can make a statement.”
“Statement?”
The professor nodded slowly.
“Whoever did this to you should be expelled. Your statement will help with that.”
Unlike deciding to leave the Academy on one’s own, expulsion was the highest disgrace. It was rarely ever done.
“The form shouldn’t be difficult to fill out. All you have to do is write down what happened.”
Stella recalled the faces of the students who had harassed her. It was both satisfying and terrifying that she could ruin them to that degree. She wondered if it was really alright to do so. House Lapis had already lost the support of too many families, and it didn’t seem a good idea to incur more hostile enemies.
“I wonder if it will harm my family.”
“What makes you think so?”
The professor adjusted her glasses, as if she were discontent with Stella.
“I—”
“There is no harm. It may benefit you, in fact. After all, it’s true that she pushed you off the stairs.”
“What?”
“Louise Sweeney. Don’t tell me you don’t remember? “
Stella stared at Professor Lassen, her eyes wide open.
