.
Although I had expected that response, it was striking me dumb once I got to hear it. As if a metal ball was on my heart, my chest felt heavy and made me quite hard to breathe.
However, instead of expressing that pain, I put my hand on my chest, exhaled deeply, and said to myself, ‘Keep calm and carry on anyway. The person in front of me isn’t just the one who’s been dating me for half a year but also Yeo Dan oppa whom I’ve known for almost my entire life.’
Considering the close relationship between our families, we still had so many days to spend together afterward. Thus, we should make this end positively.
Keep saying to myself that way, I soon furrowed my brows again. How could we end our relationship in a good way? I mean, what on earth was actually a so-called good ending?
I wasn’t even used to dating someone yet, but now I had to break up for the first time in my life even in a good way. How could we possibly do that? Could someone tell me how was it supposed to work?
At that moment, Yeo Dan oppa’s words returned.
“I’m sorry. Whatever it is, it’s me who has done things wrong, so…”
I lifted my head in a daze and tossed a question.
“WHAT?”
“So please don’t tell me that you want to break up.”
After his last words resonated around my ears, I just blinked swiftly at a loss for words.
But didn’t he just say sorry when I asked him if he had feelings for me? If he now spoke that way out of the blue, what was I supposed to do then…?
That was when he continued speaking as if he couldn’t stand anymore.
“I’m aware that I’ve been behaving quite off these days, but please don’t say that you wanna break up with me. If there’s anything that hurts you or makes you uncomfortable, just let me know… I’ll do my best to fix them.”
“…”
Still looking at him in perplexity, I flickered my eyes a couple of times then detached my lips.
“Oppa,” I uttered, “I’m not trying to get angry at you. Instead…”
His face obviously brightened at my remark.
I continued, “Then why did you say sorry at my question before when you aren’t trying to break up with me because you don’t have feelings for me?”
Rolling his eyes, he hesitated to respond for a second. Yeo Dan oppa then replied, “That’s because… it sounded as if you’re regretting our relationship…”
“Eh? When did I say like that?” I asked.
“But just now…” Keep rolling his eyes, Yeo Dan oppa seemed like he was slowly retracing my words. He uttered, “What you just said now… if you didn’t fight with other kids… if you weren’t feeling that painful, you would have not dating me. Isn’t that what you meant?”
Feeling dumbfounded, I asked, “What are you talking about? It’s rather me who thought that you asked me out even though you had no feelings for me since I was in that kind of situation…”
Squinting his eyes, he spoke determinedly, “No, never.”
“Uh, um, I see, yeah…”
As soon as I realized I had completely misunderstood the entire situation, a feeling of relief spread out from my chest, and at the same time, I felt shameful.
While I took a step back involuntarily, Yeo Dan oppa stuck his hand out as if he felt confused about those moves.
Anyway, I just got him wrong but also couldn’t ignore his hand, so I just let him pull me closer and faced him at a very close distance. Feeling bewildered for a moment, I suddenly uttered, “Um, aside from that…”
“Huh?” asked Yeo Dan oppa while lowering his head to me.
I continued, “If you’re aware that you’ve been a little off, that means something has been disturbing or distracting you, isn’t it? Tell me what that is. Just don’t stand still wordlessly like earlier.”
“That’s…”
The look on Yeo Dan oppa’s face, which looked bright just until now, changed obviously again. After hesitating for quite a while, he barely opened his lips.
“How can I say that when you and your friends…” He couldn’t end his words with a look of frustration.
Staring at him vacantly, I tossed a question.
“When me and my friends? What do you mean?”
Raising his hand, Yeo Dan oppa even covered his face. He then concluded his words in a voice full of shame.
“When you and your friends had a fight… that sort of felt like a chance…”
“…”
“Perhaps you… you would have accepted my confession just because you’re in a tough situation at that time. I kept thinking that way…” he said.
“Ah, hold on, hold on, oppa…” I intervened in his words in a fluster.
Yeo Dan oppa was gazing at me blankly like a poor dog in the rain.
I uttered, “Why do you think that way when you’re too perfect for me? I mean, if you confess your crush to someone, no matter who she is…”
Then at the moment, what Lucas said to me before flashed through my head. I shut my mouth.
‘What made you like him?’
‘No, I’m not talking about those general things.’
‘Hey, aren’t you thinking, ‘Am I be able to meet someone better than this one?’ something like that?’
Recalling to that extent, I said to myself, ‘No, not those things, but I must tell why I can’t help but love him…’ When I opened my mouth with that thought in mind, Yeo Dan oppa began to talk again.
“But… this is also my first time dating someone; even though I’m older than you, I’m sorry that I’m not so good at leading our relationship well… and the friends I have are all out of their minds, so I’m also sorry that they’re driving you nuts whenever you bump into them…”
“Uh, well, just because of those trivial things…” I replied. If we were supposed to feel sorry for our lovers just by those things, I would have dozens of reasons to apologize to Yeo Dan oppa.
At that moment, he uttered, “And the sorriest thing is…”
“Huh?”
“I have so many problems like these that make you have such a hard time… but my feelings for you won’t let us break up at all…”
“…”
“If you let me know what part of me have troubled you, I’ll fix everything no matter what it is… so please… please say anything except that you wanna break up with me…”
Yeo Dan oppa stared at me, again, like a poor dog in the rain. As soon as I quietly sighed, he asked me, “Why are you sighing?”
“Ah, no, this is just… a sigh of relief…? I just feel a little vain…” I replied then thought while looking at his yet anxious eyes, ‘Oh, geez, now I can’t even heave a sigh at my own will.’
But that didn’t last long either. Suddenly raising my head, I beckoned at him as if I had something to whisper to him. Though he wondered why I reacted that way, Yeo Dan oppa lowered his head meekly. Then at the moment, I kissed him out of the blue.
Being frozen for a second, Yeo Dan oppa soon opened his eyes wide in surprise then uttered in a trembling voice.
“Why are you… suddenly…”
I replied, “To ease your mind.”
“Ease my mind?” responded Yeo Dan oppa while still looking dumbfounded. He added, “I… I thought you’d get angry at me.”
“Angry? Why?”
He continued, “Because I spoke that way… as if I wished you and your friends to fight…”
“Come on, even if you want that to happen, we won’t be really picking a fight you know.”
Then I found the look on his face turning enigmatic. I quickly added, “Anyway, I sincerely thought that you had no interest in me. That’s why you never asked me whom I’ve been hanging out with or whom I’m staying with right now.”
“No, no, that’s because…” he replied urgently.
I tossed another question, “If you have feelings for me, don’t you wonder about those things?”
“That’s because… once I realized such thoughts that I told you earlier… as I kept thinking about the things that I usually wouldn’t do at all… I didn’t feel normal; I became scared…”
I stared at him absentmindedly.
He kept on speaking, “I wasn’t sure up to what extent I can interfere. Unlike before, everything around you except Yeo Ryung bothers me and lingers in my mind, but I can’t try to control all of them you know… since it’s obvious that my standard isn’t normal. If you get to know this, I was scared if I might freak you out or make you feel very uncomfortable.”
“That’s why…” Listening to his words quietly, I, at last, opened my mouth. “… That’s why you stopped having an interest in me, asking me questions, and didn’t even try to bring them out at all.
“…”
Keeping his mouth shut in silence, Yeo Dan oppa looked somewhere else. I showed a slight smile at him.
