.
I barely tried to initiate a conversation again, but that tension between us didn’t disappear either. It seemed like we were expecting each other to open a box with an explosive inside. Both of us indeed had something to say in our minds; however, no one seemed to bring it out first.
That was when Yeo Dan oppa suddenly turned around to look at the door and finally changed the topic of our conversation.
“So, were you hanging out with Yeo Ryung today?”
“Huh? Uh, yeah…” I replied.
Now I had come to think of it, I told him other things except for what had happened after school. Having realized that fact, I continued speaking, “The Four Heavenly… uh, no, no…” I shook my head while Yeo Dan oppa stared at me in wonder.
In this world, Yeo Dan oppa held a position as the female main character’s brother. According to the cliché of web novels, therefore, Yeo Dan oppa wouldn’t be able to understand who or what the Four Heavenly Kings were. Even though he was aware of it, I didn’t want to drop that cringey title in front of him. I wished our love would, at least, exist in the realm of reality.
Heaving a sigh, I kept on speaking at a slow pace.
“You know my friends from middle school, Eun Jiho, Jooin, Eun Hyung, and Yoo Chun Young…”
“Oh,” he replied.
“We’ve hanged out together after a while.”
He would have definitely known that, but for some reason, Yeo Dan oppa kept silent then suddenly uttered as if it flashed through his head.
“Oh, you said you guys got back together, right?”
“Yes…”
I wasn’t sure if he really didn’t know that I hanged out with the boys, but even though he had no interest in me, wasn’t he being too indifferent? Having that thought in mind, I observed the look on his face and suddenly dropped a remark.
“Oh, and one more, oppa…”
“Huh?” he asked.
My face brightened up as I seemed to have found a new topic. I continued, “Yoo Chun Young, he’s starring at a TV drama.”
Yeo Dan oppa’s voice grew louder, asking, “A TV drama?”
“Uh-huh, isn’t it amazing?”
Then I began to babble about the story of the drama that he didn’t even ask. Well, it didn’t matter to speak about it to this extent since it was already introduced on the website.
“It’s called, ‘The Black Rain,’ a crime series which will start filming soon. It’s gonna be on air in the summer.”
I had no idea why he showed me a lukewarm attitude, but I kept babbling about the drama regardless.
“And do you know what’s really awesome, oppa? Actress Lee Nara is also in that drama too! You know her, right? A few years ago, you and my mother gathered every night to watch the ‘Blue Flame.’ She’s the female lead of that drama.”
“Oh… yeah…”
“If this new TV series is on air, won’t your mother and my mom gather in the living room every day again and start watching it? Lee Nara is an actress who guarantees success and great performance; besides, this time, even Yoo Chun Young is assigned a role in the show too.”
“Yeah…”
He sounded as if he even quit to respond as a matter of courtesy. That was when I lifted my eyes. After a moment of hesitation, I dropped a question.
“Oppa, do you feel a bit off today?”
“No,” he replied.
I tossed another question, “Did something happen?”
“No…”
“Then?”
He replied to other questions with no difficulty except for this one. Yeo Dan oppa just kept his mouth shut, which was hardly understandable.
While I stared at him blankly who had his mouth shut so obstinately, something entered my head out of the blue.
‘Oh, so if he’s neither in a bad mood nor he has anything going on, then is it me the problem? Because I’m the person whom he’s speaking to?’
Things that distressed me for the last few days were brought back altogether and messed up my mind. After furrowing my forehead with my mouth shut for quite a while, I detached my lips again.
“Oppa, we need to talk.”
“Okay, tell me about it,” he replied without hesitation.
His response made my brows meet in the middle even more. I looked up at him. He seemed to be bewildered at my bitter glance. My voice grew louder.
“No, you should talk first.”
“…”
“Don’t you have something to say to me? Didn’t you wait for me here today this way without reaching out to me because you had something to talk about? And what’s the matter with your attitude right now? I think it’s you who should talk first instead of me.”
“…”
It seemed like someone had sealed his lips. Watching him behaving that way, I continued, “You really have nothing to say? Should I talk first then?”
In fact, it was me who was almost gonna suffocate at his silence; however, unlike me, Yeo Dan oppa looked nonchalant. No matter how much I urged him to speak out, he seemed to have nothing in mind. Thus, I didn’t feel good as it was like keep begging for his interest and love.
Yeah, the thirst always dug for a well first. With that thought in mind, I heaved a sigh and opened my mouth.
“Oppa, lately, when I stay together with you, I keep thinking that last fall, if I…” Gently biting my lips, I kept on, “… If I didn’t fight with other kids such as Eun Jiho and Yoo Chun Young… and didn’t get apart with anyone else…”
“…”
“Would you still have had me as your girlfriend…”
The moment when those words slipped out from my mouth, Yeo Dan oppa’s shoulders juddered as if he had never thought about such a thing.
However, I was more doubtful about how he could have never thought about it even just once. As I mentioned earlier, Yeo Dan oppa and I had been living next-doors even before we became a couple and since we were born. Besides, his little sister was my best friend, so I was like another little sister to him as well.
In this regard, he could have not helped but held out his hands to me who was crying alone while losing half of my best friends. As we got to hand out an umbrella to a person standing alone under the pouring rain or become concerned about a kid playing near the shore, he would have not been able to leave me alone with no one around. Wouldn’t it be the reason why he asked me to go out with him? Furthermore, he was one of the few people close to me, also a warmhearted person.
Even though I thought that he asked me to become his girlfriend since his feelings for me turned real from something uncertain, now I had come to think of it, those warm and sweet looks he had in his eyes toward me would have been my delusion.
No, way, I could have not got it wrong. How could someone read someone else’s feelings or mind so clearly that way?
The more I kept thinking about it, the reason why Yeo Dan oppa asked me out was nothing else but that he just felt pathetic about me. That way of thinking took more shape in my head. Having the conclusion in mind, I opened my mouth again.
“I… am asking you… if you’re really having feelings for me.”
Half of me was dropping that remark with a heavy heart as if I was stabbing myself. However, I couldn’t help asking that question on behalf of him. Since he was too sweet and kind enough to just look at me suffering alone, Yeo Dan oppa might have decided to become my boyfriend. Thus, he wouldn’t be able to initiate first to break up in fear of hurting me in the end.
If that was the case, we should end our relationship at this point before we become more painful. That would be the choice for both of us.
Indeed, Yeo Dan oppa didn’t respond to the question either which had a clear answer if both of us were sincerely dating.
The longer he hesitated to respond, the darker the look on his face turned. Watching that sight, I fell into thought.
‘Oh… so our relationship is up to here as expected…’ I groaned in my thoughts. I should have realized this earlier but since I was so deeply submerged into my feelings and situation, I just felt sorry that I got to be aware of this now.
That was when I took a deep breath and finally began to talk about the words for a breakup. Blinking my eyes, I held my breath at a sudden response.
“What did you say?” I asked.
“Sorry,” he uttered.
I was surprised at his sudden apology but soon put my slow brain to work for interpretation. The reason why he was apologizing to me while he had done nothing wrong would be something like this, ‘Sorry that I’ve asked you out when I had no feelings for you,’ or ‘Sorry for getting my feelings wrong.’
