.
Oh… I opened and closed my lips for a second. As he finished his remark, Yoo Chun Young blankly looked down at me.
Feeling his gaze, I reverted to what he just said.
He didn’t say, ‘Would it be okay to ask you?’ Instead, he used, ‘Can I ask you?’
‘Sorry, I can’t,’ was way easier than saying, ‘No, it’s not okay.’
Even that smallest detail of him seemed so considerate to me… I couldn’t help laughing when thinking about how much I had my back against the wall that even those trivial things touched me so much right now.
I perked the corners of my lips upwards to hint a smile but soon pulled a wry face.
Next to Yoo Chun Young, there stood Ban Yeo Ryung looking worried about me with her sparkling black eyes fastened in this direction. It looked as though she was also looking forward to my response just like Yoo Chun Young.
Looking back and forth between them, I covered my face with my hands. The look on my face seemed too dreadful.
While I felt their stinging gaze around my cheeks, I detached my trembling lips.
“Um, it’s just nothing special. It’s really nothing… but a thought that I forgot for a while entered my head, so…”
“What is that thought…?”
Ban Yeo Ryung asked back in a quivering voice. I clenched my lips then continued to speak.
“Why am I the one whom the world is changing?”
“…”
“I just… forgot that for a while, but suddenly…”
Pouring out the words with an awkward smile, I soon paused to do so and finally lifted my hand to press my eyes firmly.
Ban Yeo Ryung and Yoo Chun Young remained quiet for a while. We were like that, standing in the middle of the deafening silence. Meanwhile, I murmured while covering my eyes alone.
‘Damn it. I must calm down and keep talking again that that doesn’t mean I’m going to get away from you guys.’
Ever since I entered high school and decided to spend my school life with them, I promised to myself that although they might forget me one day and I would be the only one who kept all our memories, I would stay beside them no matter what.
‘So, please don’t get me wrong. I’ll be fine even though you guys may not remember me one day. Just always be there for me, please,’ I should say these to them.
Then at the next moment, what slipped out of my mouth was something that even I didn’t expect.
“It’s not my will to vanish away. I don’t want to get forgotten too.”
“Donnie,” whispered Yeo Ryung with a low voice.
I raised my hands again and buried my face onto them. My voice was shaking like crazy.
“That doesn’t mean I’m gonna forget you all. It’s just me who’ll be erased from your memories. You guys wouldn’t mind at all if I were gone… I didn’t ask you guys to remember me or feel any pain upon my disappearance…”
‘It’s not my will to leave you in your future, Eun Jiho.’
My last words didn’t come out but crashed inside my mouth to the bitter end.
I, eventually, crouched down. Ban Yeo Ryung and Yoo Chun Young quickly took a few steps toward me. In front of them, I buried my face on my knees while sinking my head on my chest.
Of course, Eun Jiho didn’t declare that he would end our friendship. I was aware of that.
However, Eun Jiho clearly stated that he would make a choice for a ‘better future,’ so he would gradually cut out needless things and only obtain those that would be essential and better for the time to come.
Thus, I, who might, one day, vanish away without a trace, would possibly belong to those that were needless.
That was what I feared so much.
Although Eun Jiho and I have spent six hours together today, if that time disappears into thin air from his memory, he would be wasting that much time in his life. Not only Eun Jiho but also Ban Yeo Ryung and the rest of the Four Heavenly Kings.
I then realized I couldn’t guarantee to them leaving even just a tiny piece of something in their future.
Still, I mumbled, “Even if I can’t leave anything, is it too selfish to be with you guys as long as I’m staying here?”
“Donnie.”
Looking bewildered, Ban Yeo Ryung then sat crouched and made eye contact with me.
Her pretty hands came over to me and touched my ears, but I didn’t raise my head. Still laying my head on my knees, I just sat still.
That was when I heard another footstep getting closer to me at a slow pace. It then stopped right in front of me. Ban Yeo Ryung was, still, covering my ears with her hands until then.
A voice dropped on my head.
“Who asked you to leave something?”
I didn’t respond, but when Yoo Chun Young’s next words continued, Ban Yeo Ryung and I, shamefully, couldn’t help ourselves letting out giggles through our lips.
“You’re not stock or real estate…”
“Pfft.”
“Pffftt.”
Shoot! I eventually fell forward while losing balance in my squatting position in the aftermath of laughter.
Giggling beside me, Yeo Ryung then helped me to stand up and quickly asked, “Donnie, are you okay?!”
“Um, no…” I replied. I wasn’t okay. Not because I almost collapsed, but Yoo Chun Young’s hilarious yet characteristic reaction made me feel quite dumbfounded.
Suddenly, my tongue seemed to work very smoothly as if it were greased. I lifted my head and glanced at Yoo Chun Young, who looked unbelievably decent to drop some silly jokes just now. While he was staring down at me, I uttered, “What a metaphor… you’re insane.”
“It’s because you’ve kept saying leaving something or whatever.”
What Yoo Chun Young replied after with a sullen face made me stumble again.
He added, “My eldest brother, he’s a good stock investor.”
“What?”
“Gun hyeong. Yoo Gun.”
Dusting off my skirt and helping Ban Yeo Ryung to get up, I thought, ‘Yeah, Yoo Gun, he was a good stock investor. Yeah, I knew that.’
Yoo Gun’s following remark lifted my head.
“What will remain or not because you’re with us… no need to worry about it. We don’t even care about that, so why are you concerned about such a thing?”
He sorted out his opinion so well that it felt, somehow, cold-hearted at some point.
When it came to something that he thought was correct, Yoo Chun Young was always straightforward without adding or removing any parts.
‘We don’t even care about that…’ repeating his words in my head, I answered back with a slightly subsided voice.
“I, at least, have memories…”
As Yoo Chung Young nodded, I continued to speak.
“Whereas you guys have nothing memorable.”
“It’s not your will, so what?”
Yoo Chun Young’s response was still too dry and concise that I was now feeling a bit blanked out. His face, reflected in the hotel light through the dark, showed no warmth as if it was made with ice.
Well, what he said made sense, but although it wasn’t my will… Swallowing a sigh, I opened my mouth as this overall conversation needed a further explanation.
Taking a step toward Yoo Chun Young, I stared at him at a close distance and continued to speak.
“So, what I’m talking about is that the time we’ve spent together over the last four years will total… I don’t know, maybe about hundreds of hours…”
“Uh-huh.”
“That whole time is utterly gone from your life.”
“…”
“I mean, in that case, I’d say I’m taking something away from you than not leaving anything.”
I added with a bitter voice, “I’m making you lose your time…”
Completing that sentence, I switched my gaze to Ban Yeo Ryung. She grabbed my arm more tightly while looking pale in surprise; however, it looked as though she didn’t sort out what she wanted to say yet. That was when she moved her lips slightly.
Yoo Chun Young cast a question.
“Why will it be gone?”
Ban Yeo Ryung and I faced front at the same time.
Yoo Chun Young’s face looked still straight and imperturbable. Staring at his face for a moment, I arrived at the conclusion that he didn’t understand what I was talking about at all.
