I vaguely heard Coach call out for someone to go get Noah, but I was too busy gagging on what was leftover in my stomach and mouth.
“Here.” Coach held a cup of water beside me. “Don’t drink. Just rinse your mouth.”
I hurried to do so. I also blew the disgusting snot out of my nose to hopefully get rid of everything. I sidestepped twice to get away from the stench of my own vomit.
“What happened to Jake?!” Noah could be heard from behind me. I soon felt his hand rubbing my back, trying to soothe my choking coughs.
“Not exactly sure, but I want you to go call one of your parents to let them know. Get the twins up here too.” Coach instructed.
By the time I was cleaned out and finally calmed down, the twins were nearby with one of them on speaker phone with Mom. Noah stood right beside me, no doubt watching me closely in case I relapsed.
Kyle held his phone close to me. “Hey, Jake, it’s Mom. She wants to talk to you for a little bit.”
“Okay.” I breathed out.
“Hi, honey.” Mom’s voice came out of the phone and calmed me down a little. “Coach Wilcox told me a little what he was talking about before you got sick.” She continued through my silence. “I just want to know if you think you’re sick-sick? Or if you think this may have been anxiety-induced?”
“Anxiety.” I answered without hesitation.
“He didn’t eat a whole lot at lunch, Mom.” Noah spoke up. “Should we take him home and get him to eat a sandwich or something? Or cookies? You always give me cookies when I don’t feel well.”
“Jake probably needs space and rest more than anything.” Mom said. “I’m already on my way to pick him up. You three go back to practice as normal. Jake is going to be alright.”
The twins looked unsure, but it was Noah who asked me outright. “Is that okay, Jake?”
I nodded. I was more than okay with Mom coming to get me. I didn’t want the three of them to hover over me and miss their practice. We have a tournament to prepare for this weekend. After checking with me, Mom, and Coach, the three left me behind and went back down to their respective groups to get some work in.
In just a few minutes Mom was walking my way. And she wasn’t alone. Dr. Moore was right beside her, briefcase in hand.
“We’ve got it from here.” Mom said a few more words to Coach and finally took me away from the embarrassing situation.
I glanced at Dr. Moore. “Did Mom call you?”
Dr. Moore gave a friendly smile and shook his head. “No, we just ran into each other in the parking lot. I was on my way out and she came in. Said you were having a rough time?”
I nodded. I looked at Mom and found her attention all on me. Coach had left us alone so it was just them and me. My hands felt shaky and sweaty so I rubbed them against my shirt. “I don’t know what I want to do in the future. I also don’t think I should be first in the rankings. Thinking about it doesn’t make me feel too good.” I paused. “Also. I really want to brush my teeth.”
“I have some gum for now.” Dr. Moore dug through his briefcase and pulled out a half-empty pack of gum.
“Thanks.” I helped myself, taking one and quickly putting it in my mouth. I then looked at Dr. Moore, waiting.
He gave a small smile. “Are you thinking I might have the answers?”
I nodded.
He laughed. “I’m sorry to break it to you, but if you don’t know what you want to do in the future, then I won’t know either.” Before I could look down in disappointment, he reached out to hold my shoulder. “But why rush it? The future is the future. Maybe give yourself another year before thinking about it.”
I nodded slowly.
“As for ranking first?” He scoffed. “What’s so bad about that?”
“I don’t think I should be first.” I stressed again.
“Unfortunately and fortunately, it’s not up to you. From what little I know about high school baseball, I at least understand that there’s no singular person deciding this ranking list. It’s a group of coaches, directors, maybe writers, who knows. But I’m sure if they think you should be number one, then you’re number one. If they don’t think you deserve it anymore, then they’ll take it away. Easy as that.”
“I didn’t know you felt so strongly against being first, Jake.” Mom rubbed my back. “I’m sorry kiddo. I might be a little too used to Zeke and his nonchalant attitude when it comes to these kind of things. I thought you all would be excited.”
I had a feeling that only the twins were truly excited. I know I wasn’t. Noah also didn’t look convinced this morning. I wouldn’t say he was on edge as me, but definitely not himself.
“Take it slow. Don’t mind all the extras right now.” Dr. Moore said. “Just be yourself. Do your homework and play some baseball. That’s all there is to it.” He smiled at me again. “If you ever feel anxious or confused, maybe just even insecure, you can find me at my office at anytime during school hours.”
I nodded.
He looked at Mom. “Mary, you have my number. I’ve got to get to the office, but contact me if you need to.” He said a few more words before a short goodbye, then we separated in the parking lot.
I turned to Mom. “I think Noah is also insecure about his ranking.”
Mom blinked in surprise. She let out a small sigh. “Thanks, Jake. I’ll have a small talk to him too. You kids…I don’t know if I should be happy that you both are so humble or concerned that there’s not enough self-confidence.” She gave my back a small pat. “Let’s go home. You can shower and brush your teeth. I’ll prepare some soup for dinner.”
I gladly followed along, feeling lighter than before practice. Neither Mom or Dr. Moore brought up colleges or pro scouts and I wonder if everyone else could avoid it like them. Maybe I could tell Coach that I’m not ready for such a decision. Though I’m pretty sure he knows that now.
Soup was a good choice for dinner to help with my weak stomach. The other three didn’t complain about it, but did eat all the rolls that Mom had warmed up. Mom also dealt out some cookies to cheer everyone up. I was limited to the smallest amount due to my earlier episode, but I wasn’t offended. I knew Mom had my best interest at heart.
The rest of the week flew by. Coach had checked in on me early Tuesday morning where I had to assure him that it was just a moment in passing. I was fine and would be good to go on Saturday.
“I’ll let the scouts and college coaches know that you’re not interested in making any kind of decision so soon.” Coach told me. “If anyone approaches you, just tell them you can’t speak without a parent or coach present.”
I nodded, happy that Coach knew where I was coming from.
Friday practice was more casual as we walked through the plan for Saturday’s first game. It was going to be super early which meant an earlier warmup and an even earlier leave time. I was already trying to calculate how early I should go to bed.
Grampa was the one to have a pasta dinner ready for us when we got home in the early evening. It was weird to eat before showering, but the whole process helped me go to sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
