We arrived back at the house in the early afternoon. The only one home was Zeke, who was working at the kitchen table with his books spread out around him. He looked up at us as we walked in. "How'd it go?"
"Fine." Dad told him. "Next month we'll try the laser treatment. He said we would see some improvement right away, but for better results, Jake will have to do it multiple times."
Zeke frowned. "Is it painful?"
Dad shook his head. "Not too bad. He might be sore for a day or two after, but nothing that aspirin can't solve."
Zeke looked to me. "Are you sure you want to do this? It shouldn't matter how you look."
"It's about how he feels." Dad defended me. "Jake would feel more comfortable with the scars being less visible."
Zeke shrugged. "Okay." He went back to his schoolwork.
Dad looked around. "Still no boys?"
"Nope." Zeke replied.
"Your mom is already at work?"
"Yep."
Dad looked to me. "Well, I'll go join her. Do you want to stay here with Zeke or be dropped off at Alisha's?"
"I'll stay." I told him.
I watched Dad go to his office, grabbed some papers, then left minutes after getting home. Feeling a little lonely, I looked to Zeke.
Zeke felt me staring at him. He looked up from his work. "What do you want to do?"
I shrugged. "I don't know." Most of my time was spent with Noah. He would usually decide that we should watch some baseball games and I would just follow along.
"Think about it and then let me know." Zeke told me before looking down at his schoolwork again.
"Am I…supposed to just pick?" I asked, unsure of what he was saying.
"Yea. Just tell me what you want to do and we'll go do it." He didn't look up.
I thought it over. I don't want to study Spanish on a Friday. I don't really want to train or throw the ball around, but- "Can we go to the cages?"
"Is that all you want to do?"
"Yea…"
"Okay, go grab your bag." Zeke closed his laptop and started to stack his books.
I hurried to get my bag and came downstairs to see that Zeke had set his school stuff aside and was holding his own bag. We walked outside and it occurred to me…we didn't have the car. I looked up at Zeke.
"Let's just walk." He said, walking in the direction of the place.
I made a face, but still followed. The Arcade was only a couple miles away and took us an hour to get there. A part of me didn't feel like hitting the ball anymore after such a long walk. I drank from the water fountain for a solid two minutes before straightening up.
Zeke showed some of the coins used for the cages. "Still want to play?"
I hesitated. Sit down or play? Play or sit down? Cages? Rest? In the end I grabbed some of the coins from his hand and headed for the cages. Zeke and I didn't talk much. I focused on hitting the ball, practicing each side, and then he would pick a speed and go there. We weren't close, yet we weren't far either. Zeke stayed in sight and I didn't dare wander off. It was peaceful. No twins or Noah bickering, no complaints, no smack talk.
We paused for a break after I ran out of coins, going inside for another drink from the water fountain. Zeke and I awkwardly stood around, waiting for I don't know what.
He looked down at me, expectant. "What next?"
I shrugged. "Whatever."
Zeke sighed. "Let's go get ice cream." I couldn't understand why he sounded so defeated as I followed him to the snackbar area. We went through the line, both getting a single scoop on a cone. Then I followed him to an empty table.
I sat down across from him, licking my ice cream in peace.
"Jake." Zeke said.
I looked up at him. "Yea?"
"Have you thought about my question from yesterday?"
I frowned. "What question?"
"Do you like playing baseball?"
I froze. "Oh. That one."
He waited.
I shrugged. "I guess so."
"What do you like about it?"
I was taken aback by the follow-up question. "Umm, hitting. Uh, I like playing with you guys. And…winning..?"
Zeke's expression didn't change. "Is that it?"
"…" I nodded.
"You know Jake, you don't have to play on the team if you don't want to." Zeke said out of nowhere. My jaw dropped. "You said you like hitting, but you seem like you have more fun at the cages. And you can still play with us at home. As for winning…don't try to fool me. I know you only like winning because it makes the rest of us happy."
I froze. "You want to kick me off the team?"
Zeke gave a small smile and shook his head. "No, I want you to be happy."
I frowned. "But, I'm happy on the team."
"Happy on the team or happy to play with Noah?" Zeke questioned. "I can't tell if you actually like playing baseball. It doesn't matter too much, but if you have other interests then I want you to go find it. I don't want you to feel forced to play baseball anymore. I know I make you run in the mornings for endurance training, but do you genuinely want to improve your playing? Or are you just blindly listening to me?"
I scratched my head, feeling a headache coming on. "I want to play with Noah. And the twins and you. I'm getting better at running. I like feeling stronger than before." I rubbed my temples.
"Let me put it this way, would you play baseball without us?"
"Do I have to?" I cringed.
"Jake, do you want to? Do you want to keep playing baseball even if we can't play with you on the same team?" Zeke pressed. "I'm at college. Soon the twins will leave high school too. You'll still have Noah, but no one knows what will happen after high school."
"If no one knows, then why are you asking me?!" I snapped, raising my voice. The ice cream had crumbled in my fist, making a mess. I looked up at Zeke. "I want to play for right now; isn't that good enough? I like playing now. I like Coach, Mr. Miller, Garret, Julian, Jason, and the others. It's not just you guys."
Zeke got up and grabbed some napkins and wet wipes so I could clean my hands. He started to clean the table. "I don't know if you like anything else." He said lightly. "I don't want you to feel obligated to follow us all the time. You didn't want to go to the party so that was step one. I won't stop you from trying anything new or if you have something you want to do. Like, if you want to try out for football in the fall, I'll be on your side."
I made a face. "I don't want to play football."
"Golf. Tennis. Cross country. There are also non sport options. Painting. Reading. Writing."
I shrugged. "I like hitting the ball with a bat. Isn't that good enough for now? It's good enough for me." It's what made me relax when I lived with the devil. I don't have any plans to change.
Zeke stared at me for a minute, before saying, "Okay. You're right. If you ever want to change something or try something new, don't hesitate to tell us."
I nodded.
