Sunday morning, Mrs. Atkins cooked her usual big breakfast selection. It was hard to enjoy with the lump in my throat so I mostly just poked and prodded until Dr. Moore showed up. With his help, I came up with a list of things I wanted to ask and get off my chest. I nervously stared at my list until the doorbell rang at 10am.
"I'll get it." Mr. Atkins stood up. He glanced at me. "Do you want to do this in the living room or the kitchen?"
"Here." I patted the table. I would like to keep a distance between us and I really think the table will help with that.
The already crowded room was a tight fit as Mr. Atkins returned with Mr. Duncan and Jeremy Patterson.
Mrs. Atkins frowned at Jeremy as he awkwardly stood in the doorway. "Jeremy. I'm Mary, Wayne's wife."
Jeremy nodded slowly, looking less intimidating without his sunglasses. He looked unsure of himself.
Seeing that he couldn't come up with anything to say, Mrs. Atkins gestured to Mr. Duncan. "Why don't we go to the living room?" She glanced at the twins who stood in the corner. "You two come as well."
"Aw, Mom." Dave groaned.
"So unlucky." Kyle sighed.
The four left, making some room. Seeing me and Noah refusing to get up from our seats, Mr. Atkins sat down in his seat as well and gestured for Jeremy to sit across from me. "Have a seat Jeremy."
"Thank you." He took a seat. He looked at me briefly before looking at Dr. Moore in Mrs. Atkins seat. "And who are you?"
"Elijah Moore. A child psychologist. I've been working with Jake and the Atkins family for a couple of months now." He said, sounding very professional.
Jeremy frowned. "And why are you here right now?"
"For moral support." Noah huffed.
Zeke, who sat between Noah and Dr. Moore, gave him a disapproving look. "Lose the attitude. No need to be hostile." He glanced at Jeremy. "For either of you."
Jeremy sat up straight, eyes narrowing in on Zeke. Zeke continued. "I'm Zeke. This is Noah. The twins are David and Kyle." Zeke said politely. "It's nice to properly meet you."
Jeremy's shoulders tensed and he looked as stiff as a statue. He made eye contact with me and had the decency to look a little embarrassed. "The first time, I-I didn't mean to grab you like that."
"Oh?" Noah sneered. "Were you planning to do worse? Normal people don't just grab others. It's even worse for Jake since he has a fear of being touched."
"Noah." Mr. Atkins chided. "If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all."
"Guess I'll have to be silent for his whole visit, huh?"
I poked him in the ribs.
"Fine, fine." Noah relaxed in his seat. "So what do you have to say for yourself?"
Jeremy pursed his lips into a thin line. "I didn't mean it. I'm sorry for grabbing you. For scaring you." He looked uncomfortable again. "I wasn't ready. This all has been catching me by surprise."
I glanced down at my list of questions. Finding an appropriate one that fit, I spoke up. "How can you be surprised? Didn't you know…that I would be around? I wouldn't just vanish."
His jaw clenched. "Uncle took me away after Dad's death. Him and that woman came to an agreement that he would take me and she would take you. She never listed Dad's name on your birth certificate so we thought…" He trailed off.
What? Did they think she cheated on him? And just left me without looking back..?
"You guys share the same mom! How can you just not think of Jake?" Noah blurted out. He looked at me, scared I'd be mad, but I gave him an appreciative nod.
"You don't understand." Jeremy gave a sharp glare at Noah before looking at me. "You know how she is. I didn't want to be a part of that anymore. Just thinking about the past-" He shook his head. "I refused to go back to that life."
Noah looked like he was about to explode again, but Zeke rested a hand on his shoulder. "Let Jake speak."
"I understand." I felt my eyes sting. "I understand why you didn't want to come back. But you still…didn't admit that I was your brother. On the news. In person. Is it that hard for you to say that we're brothers?" I crumpled the list of questions in my fist.
"It is." He admitted. "It's very hard. To think about how you grew up with her as a mom. To think that I have another connection with her besides my own blood." He frowned. "I'm just in the beginning of my career. I wish you and her would stay buried like Dad. Just somewhere in the past."
I couldn't swallow the lump in my throat. Was he wishing me dead? That's what he means, right?
"But here you are. We are. We have the same set of parents. We're brothers." He said stiffly, like it was hard to pronounce.
Noah scoffed.
His words didn't make me feel any better. Just more depressed. It took an official piece of paper for him to admit that we're related. What's the point? Really. What's the point of all this?
"Jake?" Dr. Moore said softly. "Do you want to continue?"
I looked at him, feeling empty. "Why? What else is there to say?" I stood up slowly. "I think we're done here."
"No, I wanted-" Jeremy stood up as well.
"Who cares what you want!" Noah cut him off.
"Noah James." Mr. Atkins looked at him. "You need to stay calm or I'll ask you to leave the room." He looked at me. "Jake? Do you want to hear him out for a second?"
"I don't think I can afford to." I felt tired to the bone even though it hasn't been more than twenty minutes. I could use a nap right about now. I glanced at Jeremy. "I don't need you. I have a new family now. One that wants me. Let's cut relations here." With that, I turned away and headed for the stairs, not even bothering to look back.
This whole thing was pointless. Finding him and my dad. I should have stopped when I saw that my dad was dead. Jeremy had years to reach out. Even more recently, he had known for weeks that I was no longer in Mom's custody. Why am I fighting this hard? I shouldn't have spoken about him at all. Not to Noah, the Atkins, or Dr. Moore.
From now on, we can stay in our separate worlds again.
