"No no, I remember her but…what does she look like…?" Hao Xuan's eyes became unfocused as he tried to remember Xu Qing, "I can see her but…"
When he closed his eyes, her image was there as clear as day. But when he tried to describe her physical characteristics, his mind became muddled. It was a very strange feeling.
"How is this possible?? She is right there, I can reach and touch her almost but why can't I-" Hao Xuan exclaimed after a few attempts, continuing his ramblings.
Jin Wang bent down and cupped his hands, filling them with the emerald green bubbling water before splashing it onto Hao Xuan's unsuspecting face.
"Wake up!" he shouted, waking Hao Xuan from his stupor. Hao Xuan stared back at him with eyes full of shock. It was like there was something inside his head that didn't belong there, giving him a fleeting notion of something being tampered.
He stared towards Jin Wang with a questioning gaze, getting his answer.
"It's magic," Jin Wang explained with a heavy voice, "Old magic. I haven't seen it used in a long time. There are only a handful of places that are capable of such long-lasting spells, and none of them are particularly friendly."
He paused at looked up to meet Hao Xuan's gaze, "But the question is, why you?" he spoke out loud but it was more for himself than anyone else.
Hao Xuan did not answer, nor could he. With a lowered head he sat down beside one of the hot springs with weak legs.
"I don't know," he mumbled back.
A short bout of silence followed. Two more emergency announcement came during that time, asking for everyone to be ready for anything. Hao Xuan's ID badge even vibrated once. It was a direct call for backup from the First Protector of the city.
Obviously Hao Xuan didn't go. He wouldn't be of much help anyway with his Qi in complete disarray.
All he could do was recall every memory he had of Xu Qing and go over it repeatedly, trying to find anything out fo the ordinary. But no matter how hard he looked, there was nothing.
She was a completely normal person, not even capable of utilizing the smallest amount of spiritual energy. The one thing that was obvious about her was the genuine concern she showed for Hao Xuan and everyone else.
She gave so much charity that she couldn't even buy herself the most basic necessities a girl her age should have, which in turn was something that stood out like a sore thumb.
She wanted nothing from Hao Xuan, nor did she influence him in any way.
But it was the truth that she had lied about a lot of things. Who she was, where she came from and why. Hao Xuan couldn't help but doubt their relationship.
'Was it all a lie then? If not then how much is real? My feelings for her, are they fake as well?'
As soon as that thought popped up in his mind, it would not go away no matter how hard he tried to ignore it.
'I think I have only spent less than a few weeks with her altogether. Yet my feelings for her grew like wildfire, as if they were spurred on by something or someone else.'
Once a person starts doubting their memories and their own feelings, almost nothing in the world can stop that unease from spreading.
Like a crack in a mirror. The more he thought about it, the worse he felt, jumping to conclusions one after the other.
"Anyway," but Jin Wang spoke up, stopping him from spiralling out of control.
Although it had only been 20 minutes since they had arrived in this place, to Hao Xuan it had felt like an eternity.
"Hey," he snapped his fingers, getting Hao Xuan's attention, "It's pretty obvious you are in the middle of something big, something you don't understand. Be it that four-eyed old man or the shapeshifters, there is too much going on in that place. It's filled with too many variables so its best to keep your distance as much as possible."
He got up and walked up to Hao Xuan, patting his drooping shoulders, "We are friends so it goes without saying that I will help you with whatever I can. And if you want, we can just stay here," he gave Hao Xuan another option to consider.
"I know a few people too so we won't have too many problems if you really chose to stay here. And I hear there will be an expedition to the uncharted territories soon so if the worse comes to worst, we can just buy a couple of spots on a ship and leave. No one will be able to find us there. They don't call them the Lands of the Lost for no reason," Jin Wang finished with a gleaming smile, trying to console Hao Xuan.
Hao Xuan didn't give an answer straight away. It was true that he was way out of his league already and with the problems with his physique and cultivation, it was just too much. Jin Wang's alternative wasn't too bad.
Hao Xuan didn't have any family members nor anything significant to tie him down. It was all the relations he had made after coming here. If he wanted to be selfish and run away, no one would hold him responsible. It wasn't his duty to act as the savior and protector of the weak, he could barely take care of himself, or so he reasoned with his own conscious.
"I…will think about it…" he replied meekly.
"Good. It just a choice you have, don't think about too seriously," Jin Wang reminded him upon hearing the sincerity in his voice.
A few hours later Hao Xuan left the space with Jin Wang in tow and returned to the camp where three hungry mouths were waiting for him impatiently.
From the sounds that managed to reach even him, there was a fight going on outside that lasted an hour after which the participants started returning.
Many of them were in high spirits, bringing back several trophies from the battle. While the others were covered in bloody wounds and mourning the loss of their friends.
"Eighteen dead from our side," Henrik informed Hao Xuan.
The next few days Hao Xuan kept his head down and focused on understanding the Laws of Chaos, seeing a slight improvement in his condition.
