Kamila couldn’t make sense of the visions. Death was supposed to be the end of life and of a story alike. How could a man who had lived millions of light years away be related to the one she called husband?
The answer came as she witnessed Derek’s soul entering another body, this time even more alien than the previous. Pain, isolation, and madness were the same, but at least they didn’t last long.
This time, there was no mercy in his death, making Kamila gurgle and spit her saliva in an attempt of clearing the blood that in the shared memory was filling his lungs.
When she opened her eyes again, she immediately recognized Nana. She had seen the old mage only in holograms and Rememberers back when Lith had shared with Kamila about his past, but she knew Nana as well as if they had actually met.
The truth crept into her mind, but she refused to believe it. At least until she saw a younger version of Raaz, Elina, and their children.
Only then did reality flood Kamila’s brain, crushing all the emotional defenses that she tried to conjure to deny the facts that were staring at her in the eye. She had always believed that Lith was really Lith.
That somehow, the soul of the newborn had found its way back into his own body. That the Abomination she knew as Lith Verhen had been unaware of his true nature until his meeting with Mogar in Kolga.
Instead, she was forced to witness his deceptions from the crib, no matter how much she tried to avert her gaze. Her eyes were closed shut, but as long as the mind link remained open, she had to face the truth.
Lith saw no point in withholding anything, so he showed her his first hunt, his first murder on Mogar, everything that she could’ve never understood without knowing about Derek.
Kamila felt the darkness inside of him crawling back into a corner of his mind as more and more lights entered his life, filling it with warmth and love. Yet it was never truly gone, ready to devour everything the moment one of the lights was threatened.
Elina, Rena, and Tista first, and then Solus. Raaz came only years later. Then his friends from the academy, his colleagues, Kamila herself, and so many others.
Kamila already knew most of his life, there were just a few blanks to fill. Like Lith sharing his secret with Kalla before becoming a Ranger and meeting Carl again in Kolga, refusing to reunite with his long-lost brother.
When the mind link was finally cut off, Kamila found herself kneeling on the floor. Her legs had given in first, followed by her eyes that had been crying so much that a small pool of tears had formed below her.
Her hands were still clenching Lith’s as hard as she could in the attempt to push him away and put an end to the telepathic bond.
She wanted to run away, but her body refused to move. She wanted to scream, but her lips remained sealed as even breathing had suddenly become an arduous task.
“I’m of two worlds, Kami.” Lith answered her silent questions that after being connected to her for so long he still felt lingering in his mind. “This is the third time I’m born, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t stop my past from tainting my present.”
The right half of his face crumbled, turning from flesh and blood of the man into a black slate made of darkness of the Abomination.
“My first life taught me how painful it is to live while the second how painful it is to die.” The blackness spread down his right shoulder and arm. “Even after spending almost two decades here, I still can’t forget everything I did. Everyone I lost.
“Sometimes, the pain is so sharp that I mistake Mogar for Earth. I see my brother dying again and again in front of my eyes. I know that those are just memories, but they are ghosts to me, and they never leave me alone.”
The holograms of Carl, Ezio, his nameless mother, Carl’s killer, and everyone Lith had lost on Mogar appeared behind him as the Abomination side spread down to his right foot.
The suffering triggered the Chaos that became so intense that it forced the Voidwalker armor to leave the dark half of his body exposed.
Kamila could see Lith’s pain in his human eye and in the Abomination’s, just like he could see her shock just by looking at her face.
They kept kneeling on the floor, staring at each other for minutes until they turned into hours. Lith had shared with her so many things that he was sick of his own thoughts whereas Kamila had lots of things she wanted to say, but lacked the strength to spell a single word.
Hiccups and sniffling seemed to take all the little energy she had left.
The silence lasted for so long that Lith felt forced to break it.
He had taken the burden off his shoulders just to pass it unto hers. Not only was Kamila underserving of such torment, but also while he had almost had 46 years to deal with it, she had been forced to face everything at once.
“I know what you must be thinking, but please, understand that I’m not a monster. When today the Royals asked me to become an Abomination in order to send me to the Golden Griffon, a part of me just snapped.
“Back on Earth, I was powerless all my life. First, I was too young to protect Carl. Then, when he died, I had to watch his killer pay his way out of the court while all I could afford was my brother’s funeral.
“Ever since I arrived on Mogar and discovered magic, I promised myself that I would never allow such a thing to happen again, yet I failed and I keep failing! No matter how powerful I become, I lost Yurial, Lark, and Mirim.
“Even as a goddamn Tiamat I almost lost my f- Raaz at Orpal’s hands. Even after reaching the violet core, I nearly lost you and our child. I failed both of you and if not for Salaark, I would’ve once again lost everything.
“When the Royals asked me to go to the Golden Griffon, my old self couldn’t take it anymore. He-, I mean, I am not afraid to die. Been there, done that. What I’m terrified of is once again failing the people I love.
“I can’t stand the thought of leaving Solus stranded alone in the lost academy, at the mercy of the first person who imprints her after my death. She gave me all of her life and yet I gave her so little in return.
“She deserves the opportunity to be happy, not to spend eternity being passed around like a tool.”
“I can’t stand the thought of abandoning you and our child. Of never seeing your smile again. Of not being there for the two of you when the baby will be born and helping them cope with the Abomination side that I passed onto them.
“I need to be there for you just like you’ve always been there for me. To do the right thing and leave behind more than just a streak of failures and dead bodies to remember me by.”
