"You, instead, have everything I have and so much more, yet you're still as miserable as when you were the son of a poor farmer. You are allowed to suffer and cry when bad things happen, but not to carry them over the years.
"Leave the past in the past and don't let it poison your present. The same stands for the good things. You are allowed to be happy and laugh without worrying that an enemy might pop out of the shadows and ruin everything.
"Maybe you've lost your Abomination side, but you don't need a black core to corrupt everything good that you have built. Look at how worried your parents were for you, at how you let your own bias ruin your relationship with Phloria first and Kamila now.
"Why don't you allow yourself to be happy? If you keep up like this, even once Solus will be back at her prime, it wouldn't be enough to make you feel safe. No title nor any amount of magic can defeat the monsters that prowl in here." Quylla patted his chest.
"Only you can."
After that, she remained silent until the music stopped again, giving Lith the time he needed to think.
'Was this what Baba Yaga referred to when she told me about my power being corrupted and about chains that made me strong in the past but that also keep me from moving forward?' He asked Solus via their mind link.
'It would actually make sense. Abominations are souls strong enough to reject death itself and as Carl said, the reason why you keep reincarnating is that you don't really care about anyone.' She replied.
'That's not true! I love my family and I care for them.' Lith said in outrage.
'No, you care for their safety, that's different. You keep saying that you love them yet you always keep them away from your life and you never let them have a word about the important decisions you must make.' Solus shook her head.
'That's because I don't want them to worry and because they have no idea what does it mean being a cursed thing forced to wander forever!' He said.
'They are ignorant only because you didn't tell them. Or are you saying that leaving them in the dark is the right thing to do because they wouldn't understand your problems anyway? Do you really love them or do you consider them just as pets you feed?'
Solus's words struck a nerve, forcing Lith to calm down and reconsider his past life choices.
'Fuck me sideways, Quylla is right. Ever since Carl died, I didn't treat anyone in my life as a person, just as a piece of a game where I set the board and make the rules according to the circumstances.
'I never gave them a voice in any matter. Everything happened either because it was convenient for me or because I had no other choice. Even with Kamila, everything can be summarized with me dumping a bomb on her and praying that she would withstand the blast.'
'Sure, there was no way to soften the blow when I introduced Solus to her, but I could have surely handled things better when I introduced Solus to my family, starting with asking her damn opinion instead of throwing everything on her in a fit.' Lith thought.
'Solus dreamed for years to meet my family, yet unlike that with Kamila, I had prepared nothing nor did I give her the time to introduce herself properly. Everything must always happen how and when I decide so, without any care for others.
'Even now, everyone is worried about me. Phloria offered to help me with Kami, Quylla tried to remove the stick out of my ass, but what did I do for them? I didn't congratulate Phloria for either her acquittal or becoming a Great Mage.
'I didn't bother asking Tista why she wanted the truth about Nana's past nor did I offer her my help in her endeavor. I didn't worry for Quylla's attempts at Awakening or for the fact that she must be feeling left out, being the only non-Awakened of the old gang.
'Now that I think about it, I should have also consoled Friya as well. Just like Quylla, she has worked her ass off non-stop and has demonstrated a talent on par with Silverwing, yet she isn't allowed to reveal either to anyone and I didn't offer to teach her anything.'
Lith kept thinking about his past behavior, finally noticing that after saving Phloria's life from Awakening, he had washed his hands of her, leaving to Tista and Solus to teach her even the basics, just like now he had dropped Friya on Faluel.
He also remembered that after Phloria's suspension from the army, he had been there for her as a teacher and fellow mage, but never as a friend.
'I'm always like that. The only thing that matters to me is my master plan. I save the lives of the people I claim to love but I don't give a fuck about the things they live for. It's no wonder that Carl warned me about my reincarnation problem.
'My brother was the only one who could ground my soul somewhere because he's the only person I have ever treated as my peer, leaving him free to live his life, to make his decisions while still having my full support.
'In this life, I'm no better than Jirni. I just manipulate everyone from the shadows for my ends and screw the consequences. I'm doomed to reincarnate because as Solus said, I treat everyone as dumb pets.'
Lith cursed himself and went to make things right.
"Congratulations for your acquittal and for becoming a Great Mage." He said while hugging Phloria. "I want you to know that I never blamed you for anything that happened in Kulah. Your leadership skills are out of the question and the only reason you had to endure all this crap is politics."
Phloria silently returned the embrace. She had been long waiting to hear those words from one of the survivors of the mission and now her eyes were too veiled with tears and her voice too quivering to reply.
"Tista, I hope that once we get back home, you'll let me read Nana's records with you. She was my mentor as well and promise or not, if you need my help, you only need to ask." He said.
"What about my armor?" Tista replied.
"I can purify the metal, but for the crafting process, I'd wait until I step up my Forgemastering skills. I need to rethink my Scalewalker armor, but if you're fine with it, I can make you one tomorrow." Lith said.
"No, thanks." Tista hugged him with joy. "Magic metal doesn't grow on trees and I'd gladly wait for something with a power core. What about the crystals?"
"I'll use only violet mana gemstones and they'll be my treat."
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Her joy for something so trivial made Lith feel even worse and realize what kind of a cheapskate he had been.
"Tista, Quylla, I'm really sorry that you two will remain unsung heroes. Both of you deserve to be Great Mages for your achievements. If there's anything you need help with, you can count on me." Lith said.
