Had she already engaged?
Mo Xuetong froze on the spot. Whether in her previous life or this life, she had never thought that she would be someone that would set a marriage beforehand. If her marriage had already been set, then who was the other person? Why did he set her for marriage and yet not make a single move? In her previous life, her father forbidden her to marry into the Duke’s manor, but because she was so determined to do it anyway, she let the cat out of the bag eventually.
If she had a marriage set up for her, her father would use it to stop her from marrying Sima Lingyun. In that case, her father did not mention it, which meant that he did not know anything about it! But how could something like this happen?
What was happening? Her mother promised her marriage to someone else, yet she did not inform her father!
She had never thought that such a thing could happen. If it was real, then why did her mother have to do that! What exactly was she hiding? Why did she hide it from her father? She even had to make a decision on her own for her daughter’s once-in-a-lifetime event.
However, subconsciously, Mo Xuetong had a hunch that this was real! Her hand, which rested at the corner of the table, tapped against it twice involuntarily. At that moment, her heart was flustered.
“Miss, can I come in?” Nanny Ming’s slightly trembling voice came from the door.
“Miss…”Mo Yu also heard Nanny Ming’s voice, and she looked at Mo Xuetong.
Mo Xuetong heaved a long sigh and controlled her palpitations. She closed her eyes and said, “Let Nanny Ming in.”
Mo Yu responded and went out. Soon, Nanny Ming came in.
“Miss, please forgive your old servant. I did not want to lie to you intentionally, but Madam…Madam….” Upon entering the door, Nanny Ming fell to the ground on her knees in front of Mo Xuetong’s bed. Her old tears started flowing, and she instantly burst into silent tears.
Mo Xuetong opened her eyes. Her vision had become clear and calm again as if the fear she experienced earlier was just a layer of smoke. Once the smoke passes, blue water still met the sky.
She replied coldly, “Please rise, Nanny Ming. You are an elder who stays by Mother’s side, and you also nursed her. I cannot have you kneeling in front of me. Mo Lan, why aren’t you helping Nanny Ming up?” She politely ordered Mo Lan, who had followed Nanny Ming into the room, to help Nanny Ming up. However, this just made their relationship even more alienated.
Mo Lan stepped forward to help Nanny Ming up, yet she refused to get up. “Miss, if you are not willing to forgive your old servant, then I shall kneel here until I die and never get up! I’m truly sorry for you!”
“Nanny, what are you doing? Miss did not say that she does not forgive you. Ever since we lost Madam, Miss had no one that doted her. She thought that you’re the one that loved her the most and had never treated you as an outsider. Even when the Qin family had to live in someone else’s house, Miss always thought of you when there was good food or good things to use. She treated you as a real elder, yet you always…” Mo Lan tried to pull Nanny Ming up and said between tears.
They had gone through that period when they were abandoned at Cloud City together. Mo Xuetong was an orphan, and no one paid attention to her. She wanted to go back to the old house at Cloud City, yet it was not that simple. Once, Old Madam Qin gave her some osmanthus cake, and she thought about how Nanny Ming liked to eat it in the past and sent someone to deliver it to her.
The one who was given this task was Mo Lan. She was afraid of being caught by the Yu family, who would then use this or that reason to make their lives difficult, so she deliberately hid it in her inner-wear. When she arrived at the old house in Mo Manor, she had scalded her body. Even so, she could still take out the cake with a smile on her face and gave it to Nanny Ming.
It was as if that scene was right before her eyes now. That relationship was formed based on absolute trust. Yet today, it caused Mo Xuetong to feel the sorrow and coldness of being betrayed. That feeling of being betrayed by your family caused the few of them to feel a sinking desolation in their hearts.
Thinking of all these, Nanny Ming cried so much that even her nose was running. She pushed away Mo Lan’s hands and stretched out her trembling hand to tug on Mo Xuetong’s draping clothe. “Miss, it’s not that I don’t know better, nor is it because I don’t dote on you, but Madam gave me an order. She said that if you do not know, then I shouldn’t let you into this dirty mess. I need to ensure that you can live this life safely and peacefully.”
It was as if Madam’s hopeful gaze was right before her eyes. She was thinking about it. Nanny Ming’s heart ached so much that she could not suppress it!
To keep her safe throughout this life. The tears that were hiding at the bottom of Mo Xuetong’s eyes could not stay still anymore. In her previous life, she indeed knew nothing. She seemed to have been protected well, yet she ended up dying in her husband’s hands, the one closest to her. She was also lied to by her ‘good’ elder sister, whom she trusted the most. A bowl of poison medicine seemed to be not enough. There were also burning flames. She died a torturous death.
When the poison eroded her organs, when the flames tore her skin, it only left her with a hatred so profound as if it came from hell. The hatred burned…Starting this life, to not repeat the same mistakes, each step she took was painful. She wanted to take revenge for herself and her Mother, yet eventually, she realized that she had personally brought all these troubles upon herself…
Peace throughout this life, this was the peace her Mother wanted to give her!
The tears that contained an inexplicable sorrow and fell onto the satin quilt in front of her. Her heart was in tremendous pain as if she could not breathe. She thought that after her meticulous planning, she would not have to suffer a betrayal again in this life. But in the end, she still could not escape from this circle. She had never thought that her mother had been lying to her all these while. Her previous life had been lied to by ‘peace’!”
“How did Mother die?” Mo Xuetong suppressed her whimper at her throat. Her throat was sore and she seemed to be unable to breathe through it. Yet she still expressed her idea clearly. In her previous lifetime, she had died for an unclear reason. In this lifetime, she hoped that even if she were to die, she must know the reason why. She really did not want those superficial ‘peace’.
“Madam was really poisoned by Auntie Fang. That poison had no antidote.” Seeing Mo Xuetong lower her heard and cry, Nanny Ming’s heart pained even more. She took out a letter from her embrace and passed it to her. She said between tears, “Madam said that if one day Miss was to notice something, I must pass this letter to you. Otherwise, I will have t destroy it.”
No antidote? Mo Xuetong bit onto her lower lip, hiding the fragility in the bottom of her eyes. She felt as if a burning flame and wrenching pain were co-existing in her heart. It was scorching her so severely that it felt like it was going to burst. That kind of hatred, that kind of deep-rooted hatred of two lifetimes existed in this life. That innocent and cute Mo Xuetong had died a long time ago, leaving behind a soul full of hate, extreme sorrow, and anger…
“Why didn’t you look for a doctor?” She heard her loud voice. It sounded coarse and piercing, like sand that was burnt by fire.
“That poison had no cure. When Madam found out, there was not much time left. She was afraid of troubling you and old sir, so she deliberately made me not tell him. She did not wish for riches, but only wished that Miss will grow up safe and sound. But Madam did not expect Auntie Fang’s poison to be strong malicious. Before she could make arrangements for everything, she passed suddenly.”
Nanny Ming explained in detail, and her eyes became blurry from all the tears. It was as if she saw Madam struggling to hand her the letter. Her face was so pale it almost seemed transparent, yet it came with a gentle smile. Even though her whole body was seizing from the pain, she still grabbed onto her hand tightly, repeatedly reminding her to make sure Miss grow up peacefully.
Nanny Ming firmly believed that Madam doted on Miss. Even though she had to make such a decision, it was for her good. Hence, she must follow her orders. But after seeing Miss’ heartbroken expression for the first time, Nanny Ming doubted if Madam’s decision back then was right. Could Miss grow up peacefully, given her orders!
“You guys can leave.” Mo Xuetong waved her hand exhaustedly. She felt a dizzy spell, and the hand holding onto the letter wavered a little before falling onto her quilt with no energy.
“Miss!” Mo Lan cried out anxiously.
Mo Xuetong could not say anything. Her whole heart and body were exhausted, and she whispered, “Help Nanny Ming up and leave, I’m fine.”
“Yes.” Seeing her close her eyes so determinedly, Mo Lan knew that she had already made her decision. She helped Nanny Ming up and walked out. Nanny Ming was still crying at this point in time.
Mo Xuetong closed her eyes, and numerous scenes from her childhood flashed across her eyes.
Her mother’s body was sometimes good and sometimes bad. In the beginning, she was not that weak, and she was still in charge of the family’s matters. The concubines were also well-behaved. Although Auntie Fang gave birth to the eldest son and daughter, Father loved Mother a lot, so she dared not be boastful and arrogant. During winter that year, Mo Xuetong’s mother even made a clothe personally.
Back then, she was so happy. She wore it and twirled around before her mother. Father, who had just returned home, saw the scene and also smiled happily. He ordered someone to heat the buns he brought back and serve them. Father chose one and fed it to her. The tasty and juicy meat was so delicious that it almost caused her to swallow her tongue.
During then, she thought that her mother must be as happy as her.
Now that she thought of it, her poisoned mother must have suppressed her pain. In her previous lifetime, although she was poisoned, she did not die of it. However, the pain from the poison’s erosion tore her heart. How could Mother, who was so weak from staying in bed for a long time, handle it?
This was why she would often wipe away the sweat off her face. Those cold sweat from enduring the pain were all kept in her handkerchief. But she told Mo Xuetong that she was feeling too hot because her medicine was hot in nature, causing her to sweat in the cold winter…
During then, she had believed her wholeheartedly. She even went to grab a hand-held fan and fanned her mother with all her energy. Her mother was already having a hard time breathing due to the pain, yet she still smiled and told her that she could barely speak because of the fan and told her to sit still and not play around. The young Mo Xuetong was so ignorant, so she did not notice that hidden pain at the bottom of her mother’s eyes…
Mo Xuetong bit onto the bitterness on her lower lip. She looked up and opened up the letter.
The letter contained a chain of familiar handwriting. The characters were neat and tidy. Only at the last few characters could she see a line stretching across the paper. Her tears blurred her vision instantly. There were no outsiders in her room. A harsh and painful feeling intertwined in her heart, yet she could do nothing about it. She could only let her tears fall.
“This letter is written to my daughter Tong’er. I believe that when you read this letter, you must be full of doubts. I hope that you will not mourn over me. I have now passed on, and my only hope is that you will be peaceful and happy and to stay away from the royal family! Ever since I came to earth, I have been blessed by General Manor. I married your father as the eldest daughter of General Manor. I enjoyed my time with him and thought that it would last forever. However, things changed, and I could not just care about myself. I was born with a pitiful status and have been entangled by a cursed fate. I can’t blame anyone for it, and I don’t want to pass it on to you. My cursed fate gave me too much trouble, and I cannot take care of you anymore. I’ve kept some things for you and have put them in a safe place. Do not show them to anyone. If anyone were to come asking for it, perhaps you can protect…”
Mo Xuetong sat on her bed, dumbfounded. Her mind was blank. Drops of tears remained at the tip of her long eyelashes and did not fall. They slid slowly onto her tender white cheeks. Her mother was not the daughter of General Manor! How could it be possible! Back then, her grandmother gave birth to a daughter and passed, unfortunately, so General Manor took her in.
Her true grandfather was King Jin!
Her mother was the posthumous child of King Jin!
Her hands trembled beneath her sleeves. She had never thought that King Jin, who loved this place so dearly, was her biological grandfather. King Jin, who was so outstanding that he was just one step from that high position. That King Jin who killed everyone, even those in his palace could not escape. That King Jin who loved his wife so dearly.
In that massacre more than 30 years ago, how many lives lost in that bloody-filled fight!
She thought that she was too far away from it to be affected, yet she ended up being among it.
Her body that leaned against the mattress was already so stiff that it did not felt like hers anymore. The vengeance of the blood was so deep, yet her mother had to carry its weight. Her mother must be heartbroken after knowing that her parents had died and that she was a runaway child. Her mother must have been so desperate and sad. Did she lose the motivation to live because of this?
Mo Xuetong did not know. She only knew that her heart was fully wrenched in pain. Her face had lost its usually cool and calm look. She held the piece of paper in her hand, and her fingers trembled slightly!
“What happened?”
The voice that came to her ears sounded as if it came from the skies. Mo Xuetong turned her head in a daze. It took her a while to see through her tears an incredibly handsome face was in front of her. He was looking at her, full of concern. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. She curled her lips, wanting to show a smile. The croak in her throat sounded like a cry and also laughter. It entailed the sorrows of desperation and grief.
That beautiful face of hers looked so fragile as if it would fall apart once touched.
