Chapter 95 – Let Me Move On With My Life
ZhouXiang’s bed is a 150cmX200cm single bed. He usually didn’t feel that it is small when he’s sleeping but when there are two tall and big men lying on the bed, it is an extremely tight fit. He could hardly turn over. However, YanMingXiu didn’t give ZhouXiang a chance to turn over. He kept pulling ZhouXiang close to him. It was a bit overbearing but very warm. ZhouXiang’s room has heating but the window is not sealed tightly so the chilling air always leaked in. On this night, he did not feel a trace of cold wind, instead every cells in his body was overflowed with the heat coming from YanMingXiu.
When the two woke up, it was almost noon.
ZhouXiang glanced at his watch and immediately got up from his bed. He usually never slept till this time. He has a habit of getting up early, unless he’s too exhausted. Last night, he was indeed exhausted. Otherwise he wouldn’t have unknowingly slept until now.
As soon as he moved, YanMingXiu also woke up and stared at him.
ZhouXiang gave him a little shove, “Get up, it’s almost eleven o’clock.
“Okay.” Although YanMingXiu responded, his arms forcefully wrapped around his waist, saying softly, “We’ve nothing to do… let’s just sleep for a while longer.”
ZhouXiang sounded a bit urgent, “Can’t, my mom will come to call me to go out to eat.”
YanMingXiu didn’t say anything but hugged his waist more tightly with his head buried in his embrace as he muttered, “Xiang Ge, I’ve been thinking of this day for a long time.” To be able to wake up with ZhouXiang is almost a dream beyond his touch. He really hoped that time could stop in this moment, even if it was to stay like this forever, that is fine too.
ZhouXiang’s mind is not on him. He pushed YanMingXiu out of bed, quickly put on his clothes and walked with an awkward posture to the door, leaning his ears against the door, listening to the movements outside.
There were only sounds from the TV outside.
ZhouXiang whispered, “Put on your clothes. I’m going out to see. I’ll call you out to leave later. Don’t make any sounds.”
YanMingXiu raked through his bed hair, his expression a bit disappointed.
ZhouXiang impatiently urged, “Hurry up.”
“Just like this?” YanMingXiu’s glittering eyes unwaveringly looked at ZhouXiang. He smiled bitterly, “Last night… I thought it would change something. Your mother has already guessed our relationship, why bother to be secretive about it?”
ZhouXiang gritted his teeth, “Whether or not she knows is our family’s business. Hurry up and get dressed.”
YanMingXiu shook his head in disappointment and silently got out of bed to put on his clothes.
After ZhouXiang saw that he was dressed, he was going to open the door to go out but YanMingXiu grabbed onto him, “I want to go out with you.”
ZhouXiang frowned, “Don’t force me.”
YanMingXiu’s expression changed slightly, trembling as he let go of his hand, “Xiang Ge, what exactly can I do for you to be willing to start over with me? Did you feel it last night? We obviously have a deep connection. You still have feelings for me. Why can’t you give me a chance? Everything that you had hoped to get from me before, everything that I didn’t give you before, I will give it you. I want to seriously date you. In my life, I will never again treat anyone else the way I’ve treated you.”
ZhouXiang turned his head and lowly muttered, “You most definitely won’t treat someone else like this. Nobody is as stupid as me.”
YanMingXiu clenched his teeth. His heart feeling such pain that he didn’t know what to say afterwards.
Seeing his loss expression, ZhouXiang’s heart remained calmed. He released the doorknob and turned back to sit on the bed. He looked at YanMingXiu quietly. His voice sounding deflated, “MingXiu, our relationship from the past to now is only harmonious during sex. What you said is right. I must still have feelings for you. Men are born to like doing these kind of things (sex). But that is all there is left between us. You say that you like me. In fact, I am very touched. But from my past experience, the price to pay for being with you is too high. It’s not been easy for me to get this life. I want to live it well. If I continue to embroil myself with you, then what is the difference compared with my previous life? Wouldn’t I have wasted living that life? Seeing that I didn’t die, you should be relieved. You don’t have to feel guilty anymore. Moreover, the disparities between our backgrounds are far too wide. We really aren’t suitable for each other. I’ve overestimated myself before. From the beginning, I should not have gotten myself involved with you.”
Hearing these words, the rims of YanMingXiu eyes turned red. He glared firmly at ZhouXiang, wanting to find a trace of that familiar tenderness and affections from that expression.
ZhouXiang kick his slippers with his feet from time to time. He thought. He should just say everything that he had wanted to say at once. In fact, letting it all out calmly is much better than doing so in anger. At least, he is especially clear on what he wanted to say and could express it very clearly. “With your family background, you should be marrying a well-matched woman of same social status, right? Your kind of family will not allow you to mess around (be gay) like this. Just this alone is something I can’t accept. I don’t like women. I won’t marry a woman to ruin her life. If I can find a man willing to be with me, that would be great. If I can’t, it’s not a big deal. The number of couples that can last in this circle is only a handful. I won’t force the matter. But whether or not I could find him, this person will definitely not be you. Not to mention others, just your brother alone can kill me. Our fate is just like this. Actually, as you can see, our ending have already come out in my last life, and that is separation between life and death. I’ve already given up on you. Let me move on with my life. What point is there in continuing to be persistent?”
YanMingXiu’s blood almost seeped out from gritting his teeth as he responded with his voice hoarsely, “What do you know? All that you’ve said only meant that you still don’t trust me. In your eyes, are my feelings really this shallow? Everything that you’ve said, if I haven’t thought it through, I wouldn’t have continued to wait for you for three years. In these three years, I’ve just been waiting for you to return, for us to live without apprehensions, just as long as you come back.” YanMingXiu looked at ZhouXiang, the sorrow in his eyes almost overflowed out.
ZhouXiang trembled as he sighed and held his head helplessly.
“YanMingXiu, if I indulged myself again, who knows what the results will be? I’ve already died once. I’m really afraid that this bizarre joke is far from over.”
YanMingXiu touched ZhouXiang’s ears gently, “Xiang Ge, I won’t let you go. Absolutely not. I could no longer live without you, not even for day. I have enough time to wait for you. I won’t let anyone get near you. I’ll wait for you to put down all your burdens to start over with me.”
At this moment, someone knocked on the door.
ZhouXiang paused and lifted his head, “Who is it?”
“Are you two awake?” ChenYing’s voice came from outside the door.
“Ah, just woke up.”
“If you’re up, then come out and eat.”
ZhouXiang is stunned. He thought back. Did ChenYing just say, “You two”?
Hearing no sounds from the inside ChenYing muttered, “Come out. Don’t hide. I’ve sent Aunt Wang home, there are no outsiders home.”
ZhouXiang dejectedly heaved a sigh. This time he really has nothing to say.
YanMingXiu regained a bit of his spirit. He pulled ZhouXiang’s chin and quickly kissed him, then looked at him sincerely, “Xiang Ge, this is going to happen sooner or later.” After saying that, he stood up first and went to open the door before ZhouXiang could stop him.
ChenYing is wearing an apron, looking at them calmly.
ZhouXiang can’t wait to bury himself under the blanket.
Although he is a natural homosexual, nobody restricted or criticized his sexual orientation during his growth since he didn’t have parents. Although ChenYing had mentioned that she understood him, still…being caught by an elder knowing that he had sex with another man in bed made him incomparably embarrassed. He thought. If his parents were still alive, he would likely be faced with this kind of uncomfortable situation upon seeing them as well.
ChenYing didn’t lift her eyes, “I had wanted to ask you to have breakfast this the morning.” She looked at YanMingXiu and tried to smile, but her expression is particularly awkward.
Although she had long known that ZhouXiang is gay, she still felt a bit complicated seeing her son, whom she had literally raised, nakedly sharing a blanket with another man in a bed.
She used to be very against ZhouXiang being with TanYin, so much that their mother-son relationship was once extremely tumultuous. But after ZhouXiang’s accident, how could she still have the mood to still be picky? Later on, she completely got over it. But imagining it is one thing, seeing it with her own eyes is another thing. Although she also liked this remarkably beautiful popular star, she still needed some time to adjust.
She decided to work harder to treat this big star better. After all, her son and he have already done it.….
“Mr. Yan, you also come to eat too. I made some wantons.”
“Auntie, thank you, I’m going to go wash my face first.”
“Go right ahead, I’ve set out a new toothbrush for you.”
YanMingXiu went to the bathroom.
ZhouXiang and ChenYing looked at each other for a few seconds and then awkwardly lowered their heads.
ChenYing rubbed her hand that had some remnants of flour onto her apron and reached out to feel ZhouXiang’s forehead, “It’s a bit hot, the heater is too strong. It’s easy to get a fever.”
ZhouXiang nodded.
“You are already this old. Whomever you want to be with is your freedom, don’t have to be embarrassed.”
ZhouXiang glanced at her gratefully, “Mom, thank you.”
ChenYing depressingly sighed, “Thanks to what? It’s your nature, what could be done?”
ZhouXiang turned his head. He could see YanMingXiu’s back from this angle washing his face.
ZhouXiang thought. He has such an open-minded mother but YanMingXiu most definitely would not. Sooner or later, he would have to withdraw. Even if he does not withdraw, the tremendous influence and power of the Yan family will never allow YanMingXiu to act recklessly. The end result would still come to nothing. If he were to really start over with YanMingXiu, getting to the end, it’s most likely going to be the same outcome. He could no longer afford such sins.
This is still better, ending it here like this is best.
YanMingXiu’s phone that had fallen on the bed rang. ZhouXiang subconsciously glanced and saw the name displayed on the screen. It is WangYuDong.
End of the Chapter
