After the poem was read, the entire room was quiet.
Zhang Zian sincerely hoped that he was the only one who understood the dirty poem, otherwise it’d so embarrassing.
Fina and the others didn’t understand it, but judging from Richard’s smirk and Zhang Zian’s embarrassed face, they could guess that it wasn’t a decent poem.
“Meow! What does the poem mean?” Snowy Lionet asked.
“Quack! It’s fine if you don’t understand it. The poem is from A Collection of Classic Chinese Jokes, so it’s out of date. To make it modern, I made some revisions. Please, listen,” Richard shrank its neck and cleverly dodged a slipper that Zhang Zian threw, then it continued:
“Sitting alone at the desk, my hands are my wives. I’ll never mention this to anybody;
A Japanese girl on the screen, tissues lined up on the desk.
Up and down, the story gets better. Fast and quick, my eyes are misty;
As drops fall on the floor, millions of offspring turn into mud!”
Richard dodged slippers, socks, gloves, brooms and charging cables. It finally finished reading the poem.”
“Quack! The poem doesn’t have a title, but I’d like to call it Nothing but Faithful Hands. What do you think?” It hid behind a shelf mischievously, winking at Zhang Zian.
Zhang Zian had thrown everything he could find, but still couldn’t shut the parrot up. He held his phone in his hands, but decided not to throw it after all.
Snowy Lionet frowned, as if it understood. It spat on the ground in disgust. “You guys are disgusting.”
Zhang Zian wanted to clarify that he preferred western videos, but he couldn’t explain it explicitly, otherwise he’d fall right into Richard’s trap. The more he tried to clarify, the worse he’d make himself look.
This made him even more angry, so he pointed at Richard and said, “You’ve always been dirty. Today, you’re dirtier than the gutters. Tonight, I’ll spank you and make your bottom red!”
Richard had been suppressing itself for a long time, and today, it finally got a chance to let loose. It screamed, “Quack! My past dirtiness isn’t worth bragging about. Today, I’m wild and free, my dirtiness is without borders!”
Old Time Tea took a deep breath. It patted its chest and said, “At least it didn’t claim to be innocent.”
Zhang Zian glared at Richard. It couldn’t hide behind the shelf forever, it’d have to come out to sleep sooner or later.
Famous woke up because of Richard’s loudness. It shook its fur coat and stood up. “I fully support Pi’s novel. It’s the only who uses my real name, after all.”
“What’s so hard about writing a novel? I could write one if I wanted.” Richard said with pride.
“You? Give me a break. Your novel would be censored.” Zhang Zian would never take on such responsibility, letting Richard write a novel wasn’t an option.
He heard that people had been sentenced for publishing dirty articles online. It’d be horrific if Richard’s filthy novels caught the Internet Police’s attention. The Internet Police would never believe that the novel was written by a parrot, so they’d throw Zhang Zian in prison. He’d be molested in the prison, his butt would turn into a sunflower by the time he came out.
“Writing a novel isn’t easy,” Old Time Tea said, turning off the TV and taking a sip of tea. “A novel can be written to secure a stable life and fortune, to pass on lost teachings, or to establish peace for future generations. Various people can write the same story and the story will be different every time.”
Its thoughts wandered, as if it travelled back into the desolate valley and listened to the young lady reading Kong Yiji. In that world, there was no Famous or Galaxy. In that time, it learned that some stories weren’t written to make people laugh, some stories were written to expose the darkness and unfairness of society.
Zhang Zian listened carefully, but that type of story was clearly not suitable for online literature.
“Meow! Galaxy wants to hear Pi’s story!” Galaxy’s eyes were glistening. “Galaxy wants to hear Pi’s story, too!”
Zhang Zian hesistated. “Pi’s story?”
“Meow! Pi’s story,” Galaxy said seriously.
Richard stuck its head out from behind the shelf. “Quack? Did I hear it correctly? What’s the difference between the two?”
Galaxy nodded. “Meow! There’s a difference!”
Zhang Zian was also confused. What the heck did it mean?
He thought about Galaxy’s words. He wasn’t sure if he imagined the shift in intonation as Galaxy spoke. The first “Pi’s story” was uttered in one breath, but the second time it said “Pi’s story,” the stress was on “Pi.” Of course, he could be overthinking.
If he didn’t overthink, what story did Pi have?
At the end of the day, Pi was 3.1415926. What was the meaning of the numbers?
He wanted to ask Meng Li, but he had gone home for the Spring Festival and he didn’t have his contact information. Even if he managed to find the information, it’d be rude to bother him when he was with his family.
Zhang Zian knew that he couldn’t figure it out anytime soon, as math had always been his worst subject. He said, “Fine. Pi’s story and Pi’s story. First, let’s talk about the story written by Pi. I’ll get to the story of Pi later.”
He clicked open Pi’s novel, and started reading from the beginning.
As time went by, the restless elfins slowly became interested, and listened quietly.
“Wait a minute!” Fina suddenly jumped out her tree, as if its tail had been stepped on. It spoke furiously, “What’s up with the A Dream of Two Thousand Years chapter? I didn’t visit you, an earthly man, in the middle of the night. That’s an insult to me.”
Zhang Zian thought it was unlikely as well. Pi said it was “70% truth and 30% made up,” but Pi clearly wasn’t good at making up stories. It didn’t do a good job of setting up Fina’s character either. He said with an apologetic smile, “It’s a novel, nothing more. Don’t take it seriously!”
Fina looked away, pouting. “You must tell Pi that this chapter must be revised, otherwise it’s an embarrassment to me.”
“All right, no problem. I’ll tell it in a minute,” Zhang Zian said just to shut it up. He wasn’t about to bother Pi, besides Fina would forget about it shortly.
He continued reading.
After reading a few more chapters, Richard’s duck-like voice was back.
“Quack! Stop! I think I saw an interesting comment from a reader.”
Before Zhang Zian noticed, Richard landed quietly on the display cabinet behind him, staring at his phone screen. In the Qidian app, the readers’ comments were visible after each chapter, the most anticipated comments were at the top. One comment was particularly eye-catching. He wanted to pretend that he didn’t see it, but he knew that Richard saw it.
Zhang Zian realized that sh*t was about to hit the fan, so he stretched out his hands to hide the screen, but it was too late.
“Don’t read it!” he cried desperately. As soon as the comment was read, his life would end.
Richard loved rocking the boat, and repeated the reader’s comment at the top of its lungs, “Manager Weak Bird, are you fooling FatNa again?”
The room suddenly turned silent, only breathing could be heard.
Zhang Zian felt a chill go down his back, as if a bucket of cold water was poured on his head. Two fierce eyes stared at him, ready to rip him open.
Fina stretched out its claws. It emphasized every syllable as it said, “Explain to me, how many times you’ve fooled me? I’m curious to find out, who in hell this FatNa person is?”
Crap!
Zhang Zian sat in the reclining chair, but it felt like he was sitting on a thousand needles.
He complained silently. Which insensitive reader left such a comment? Does he want me killed? If I survive what’s about to happen, I’m going to delete the comment and mute the reader.
