Chapter 199: A Bird that Finds Destined Love for People
Translator: Nyoi-Bo Studio Editor: Nyoi-Bo Studio
Zhang Zian was completely dumbfounded by the arrogant Apprehensive Bird, who had Fina on its back, but couldn’t provoke the cat either. He could only bitterly stare at Richard, and threw the mop aside.
Seeing that her trick had succeeded, Apprehensive Bird was extremely proud of herself.
“Grandpa Tea, don’t just watch on the side, testify for me!” Zhang Zian asked Old Time Tea for help.
Old Time Tea was confused, ” Zian, what do you want me to prove?”
“That it’s a b*tch bird!” He pointed at Richard.
“Well… …” Old Time Tea pondered, “It may have been just joking around yesterday, right?
“Even if it was joking yesterday, today’s dirty poetry was definitely not a joke!”
Old Time Tea smiled sheepishly. “Actually I did not quite understand it. I just thought that the combination of those well-known works of poetry was very strange. Can you explain to me why you think the poetry arranged by Apprehensive Bird are dirty jokes?”
“Well … …” Zhang Zian was speechless. There was no easy way to explain the nasty messages implied in the poetry!
Modern Chinese people would recognize those messages in no time, so it was totally normal that Old Time Tea and Fina couldn’t understand the dirty jokes insinuated in the poetry. How could he explain it to them? If he really explained it, then in the eyes of Fina and Old Time Tea, his good and wholesome image probably would collapse… Although his image was probably not very good now!
Seeing that Zhang Zian was embarrassed, Richard immediately yelled arrogantly, “Your Majesty! Did you see that? This guy is trying to slander me! He has no evidence at all! He should be kicked out from the Sacred Palace now!”
“Damn it! What a shameless bird! Calling my cat ‘Your Majesty’!” thought Zhang Zian.
Fina enjoyed Apprehensive Bird’s flattery very much, but she tried to remain cool and said, “That would be not necessary. If he was kicked out, who would take care of me?”
Richard wanted to say more, but Fina jumped up to the highest rack of the cat tree. “Well, chop, chop. Prepare breakfast for me, I’m starving.”
“Ha!” Zhang Zian rolled up his sleeves and said to Apprehensive Bird, “Fina is not on your side now. No one can help you!”
Richard did not know why Fina had suddenly betrayed him, but knew that his flattery was not as effective as he had expected. He rolled his eyes and came up with an idea.
“Wait!”
Zhang Zian stood still, “Are you begging me for mercy?”
“That’s one thing that will never happen!” Richard tried hard not to seem vulnerable. “But we can make a fair deal that will make both you and me happy!”
Zhang Zian laughed, “What fair deal? Quid pro quo? An eye for an eye?”
“Way better than that!” Richard stood up proudly, “I can help you get a date!”
“What?!” Zhang Zian couldn’t believe what he just heard!
“You are a damn single, right?” Richard looked at him contemptuously. “Do you want to get a date or not?”
“You bet I do!” Zhang Zian answered honestly.
“Good. Then I will find a date for you!”
“Wait a minute!” Zhang Zian was not gullible, “You are just a bird; how can you help me find a girl to date?”
Richard laughed, “Quack! Quack! Don’t you know? I’m a bird that can help people find their destined love!”
What? Can a bird really do that?
Zhang Zian didn’t know why, but he still thought Richard was just making another nasty joke.
Richard continued, “And, you might have more than one girlfriend.”
“Seriously?” Zhang Zian’s jaw dropped.
“What do you mean I will have more than one girlfriend? I can have two at the same time?” he asked excitedly.
Richard smiled wickedly. “Hey, son, you would like that, wouldn’t you?”
“Who wouldn’t?” Zhang Zian didn’t care whether he had revealed his dark side. He just answered truthfully.
“Great. Then I’m going to make your wish come true.” Richard said confidently.
“How?”
Richard started to make his observation of Zhang Zian, “First, your look is okay; at least you won’t scare girls off at night.”
Then he lifted his head to look at the store, “And you have this store, which means you are kind of rich.”
Zhang Zian was puzzled, “What’s your point?”
“You see, you are not ugly, and you have some money. Plus, you have that fancy name, Jeff. How come you still don’t have a girlfriend?” said Richard earnestly.
“Wait a second! Not ugly and not poor does not guarantee someone a girlfriend!” complained Zhang Zian. “Besides, you picked that ‘Jeff’ name for me. It’s just a common name, not fancy at all!”
“What are you talking about? Jeff Richardson is such a lovely name! I’m telling you, boys don’t care if you are ugly or poor. What matters is that you really need to present yourself and talk eloquently. Can you do that?” Richard fluttered his wings and flew up to an empty display cabinet in front of Zhang Zian.
“No…wait.” Zhang Zian must have heard something wrong. “Boys? Why would I care about what boys will like?”
Richard looked at him with disdain, as if looking at someone from another universe. “Don’t you know? True love only exists between the same sex, while the love between opposite sexes is for reproduction! Our planet has been very crowded, so for the sake of future generations, you should consider making a sacrifice in the name of true love!”
“Why me? I am not sacrificing my own happiness for the sake of the descendants of others! China encourages families to have two children now, but I don’t even have a child! So, you should focus on finding me girlfriends, not a boyfriend! “Zhang Zian was going crazy because of Richard. Somehow, he felt he was being led into Richard’s trap.
Richard opened his mouth in surprise, “Be more open-minded, all right? Boys can also have romantic relationships!”
Zhang Zian wished he did not understand what Richard was saying.
At this point, someone knocked at the door for a few times.
“Is Master Zhang home?” said Grandpa Li.
Tired of the noise made by Zhang Zian and Apprehensive Bird, Fina was lying on the cat tree covering her ears with her paws. As soon as she heard Grandpa Li’s voice, she stood up immediately – to be accurate, she stood up not because of the sound, but because she had smelled something.
A moment later, Old Time Tea, who was watching the morning news in the corner of the shop, also smelled it.
Zhang Zian gestured Richard to shut up, and he opened the door.
Grandpa Li was waiting in front of the door, holding bunches of barbecue on skewers, which smelled really good. He smilingly handed over the barbecue to Zhang Zian and said, “Master Zhang, my wife and I have just made these skewers. Enjoy while they are still warm.”
Zhang Zian had told them to deliver barbecue at night, and now they were also delivering to him in the morning. He knew Grandpa Li and his wife usually sold dim sum in the morning, so they were making barbecue especially for him.
“Thank you so much! Let me pay you.” But both of Zhang Zian’s hands were occupied by barbecue, so he couldn’t reach his pocket.
“It’s okay. Next time is fine. I should go back to help my wife now.” Grandpa Li waved his hands and left.
Zhang Zian gathered the cats for breakfast. “Fina, Grandpa Tea, breakfast is here.”
Richard stared at the barbecue skewers and exclaimed excitedly, “Hey Jeff, look at the meat on those skewers, don’t you think they are like boys’….”
“Shut up!”
Zhang Zian was right. This bird not only liked telling dirty jokes, but he also liked to talk about gays!
