Translator: Nyoi-Bo Studio Editor: Nyoi-Bo Studio
Female Emperor of China
It wasn’t just Egypt—the entire Arabian culture didn’t have the most…fair of gender equalities.
These few men just smoked here all day, drinking their tea, playing mahjong, and leaving all of the housework to women. The worst part was that even the women thought that’s how it should be.
Well, it wasn’t quite right to say that they hadn’t been doing anything all day. They greeted the tourists that walked by, inviting them for a smoke, some tea, a round of mahjong. But the tourists couldn’t smoke their hookah for free or drink their tea for nothing, right? They had to pay for every single smoke and every drop of tea that they drank. As for mahjong… If you could win in Egyptian mahjong against Egyptians, then you must be a genius. Otherwise, you might even lose your pants.
Most locals in Egypt’s hot tourist spots felt that tourists were just chickens running across their yard, free for the taking. They had nowhere to air their grievances after they were scammed or cheated, anyway.
Tourists were rich, too. If they weren’t rich, how could they go overseas? One RMB was about three Egyptian pounds. It wasn’t too ridiculous to ask for two hundred Egyptian pounds for one smoke, right? If the tourists were blinded by their enthusiasm or smoked and drank out of curiosity, it was practically impossible to leave without paying.
These few men sat here every day, languidly eating, sleeping, and scamming tourists, but they earned a sizable income still, justifying their position of breadwinner at home.
Zhang Zian didn’t know what they were planning, but he still rejected their offers out of hygiene considerations, so they were unable to take a single penny from him.
They’d scammed other Chinese tourists as well and were not strangers to cooling ointment, but they hadn’t heard of the emperor-edition cooling oil. Their curiosity was piqued, and they put aside their plans for the moment.
After close inspection, they realised that the packaging on the cooling ointment in Zhang Zian’s hands really was different from what they usually saw. Within its usual light and subtle packaging was a different aura, and their eyes darkened with want—this was actually just because the other Chinese tourists weren’t insane enough to buy a stockpile of cooling ointment to gift to their foreign friends.
“What’s ’emperor-edition’ cooling ointment? The ointment specifically for Chinese emperors?” They cut in, asking questions in Arabic, words tumbling all over one another.
Zhang Zian didn’t understand what they were saying, but Richard did. Not just these words, but also the disgusting words that they’d been throwing around between themselves before they’d reached out to Zhang Zian. They thought that Chinese tourists were easy to bully and would take it silently even after they were bullied. They were basically walking ATMs that didn’t need a card and password to draw money from.
That was why it butted in with Arabic. “Exactly! This is the cooling oil that is exclusively for the female Emperor of China’s use! Ci Xi! Have you heard of Ci Xi? She’s pretty much the last female Emperor of China, just like your Cleopatra the Seventh!”
They didn’t know who Ci Xi was, but they understood the moment Cleopatra the Seventh was mentioned, exclaiming in surprise, “This is the oil that Ci Xi exclusively used?”
Zhang Zian didn’t understand, but to prevent himself from giving it away, all he could do was mime some random mouth shapes. These people didn’t have their attention on him anyway.
He lowered his head by chance, but sweat started bursting out on his forehead. F*ck! He hadn’t noticed this when accepting the parcel. This… This… This… This wasn’t cooling ointment at all!
When the parcel arrived, he hadn’t been at home. He might have been at the beach. Wang Qian and Li Kun were the ones who had accepted it for him, and those two idiots had signed the receipt without even checking the items. He hadn’t noticed it after he reached home either.
Only now did he realize that what was written on the packaging wasn’t “Cooling Ointment,” but instead “Cooling Oil”! F*ck, what the hell was Cooling Oil? Would it kill them if they put it on? He was lost for words, completely occupied with thinking about how to pull himself out of this situation…
“Yes! Yes! It is exclusively for her! The emperor edition of the Cooling Ointment isn’t any normal ointment… Not only does it cool you down, it will also give off a naturally minty fragrance. It even has…a special side effect!” Richard was certainly getting into it, drawing these three men in with its words.
“What… What special side effect? Is it…that kind?” The few men swallowed their saliva nervously, looking at their surroundings before asking in hushed voices.
“Um! Well, about that…I can’t say, can’t say!” Richard pretended to string them along.
“What can’t you say? We’re all men! We know! Egyptians and Chinese are good buddies! I have a cousin working in China’s capital, and my brother-in-law is studying there too! China and Egypt are friends for life!” They weren’t above lying through their teeth to get the answer.
Richard didn’t reveal the secret. Seeing that Zhang Zian still hadn’t taken any action, one of the men silently muttered under his breath, picking up a silver-coated hookah and passing it to Zhang Zian. “This is for you, to exchange for the Emperor’s Cooling Ointment’s secret!”
Zhang Zian was still panicking over the Cooling Oil, but he suddenly ended up with a hookah in his hands. He had absolutely no idea what they were doing, but seeing their expressions and tones, it didn’t seem like they were angry. Instead, it was more like they were desperate for information…
That’s why he snapped out of it, pretending to be completely at ease. If even he, a true-blue Chinese, hadn’t noticed the typo, these Arabians, who couldn’t even read Chinese, shouldn’t be able to notice it either.
He used his finger to gently flick at the silver hookah, extremely satisfied at the gorgeous low hum that it made. Glory to Pinduoduo! This pile of silver should be pretty valuable too…
Richard feigned mysteriousness, dropping its voice low, soft enough that only the four of them would be able to hear. “Alright, since we have such a great relationship, I’ll make an exception for you! It’s exactly the side effect that you think! Women can’t fight against the Emperor’s Cooling Oil at all. They’re brimming with desire the moment they smell it, easily seduced into your bed without you having to lift a finger. They’re yours to please and play with!”
The few of them had their eyes open so wide, they were at risk of having them drop out. Even though Arabic women were traditional, there were a ton of foreign tourists here! In the thousands of shops in the Khan el-Khalili Market, other than their main products, some shop owners would also sell aphrodisiacs to their loyal customers.
When these Arabian shop owners bragged to one another, they all quantified it by how many different skin-toned female tourists they had f*cked with. But female tourists weren’t that easy to seduce, even with an aphrodisiac’s help. Even if they were successful, they were usually ugly. But with the magical Emperor’s Cooling Ointment…
“Gah gah! The last female emperor of China, Ci Xi, used this Emperor’s Cooling Ointment to debut in the center position, fighting her way up and seducing the emperor to the point where he couldn’t live without her! That’s how she became emperor!”
Richard made use of the fact that they knew jack about China’s history to slightly edit Cleopatra the Seventh’s story, leading them to believe every single word of it!
