「I wonder if I can be proud to be a incredibly handsome man.」
I comb my hair upward, flinging off excess water in the process.
Girls find it attractive when a man’s muscles show through a wet shirt, right?
「Aren’t you also turned on by this manliness?」
「You clumsily fell in the water, what manliness are you talking about? Hurry and dry your body.」
I am currently in Garland Empire territory.
Technically speaking, I’m riding a boat on the Teries river, which might not count as territory, although both coasts already belong to the Empire.
It all started with a report of a large-scale disturbance in the Garland Empire.
According to Rebecca, it was a single uprising that could not be contained, but because our information network within the Empire isn’t reliable, the details can’t be confirmed.
『Should I send a team disguised as a trading party and conduct an investigation?』
I accepted Rebecca’s suggestion and joined while I was at it.
「I can’t say anything now that you’re here, but do you have no self-awareness as a king?」
「It’s boring when it’s peaceful.」
I won’t mention that Leopolt also contacted me to collect as much information as possible.
Why do I, the king, have to give a report to a guy demoted to the frontier, but whatever.
Thus I disguised myself as a civilian guiding the intelligence team under Rebecca, borrowed a boat from a Libatis port, loaded some random cargo and set out on the river.
Of course, with the situation being as it is, I can’t bring any soldiers or subordinates with me, however when it was time to depart, Sekrit was already beside me.
「You’re not suited for covert operations. I’m sure you intended to sneak out of the mansion, but that girl went searching for you after two hours. I falsified some documents saying you left for border surveillance and gave her laxatives that will last for two days just in case, so she probably can’t chase after you.」
Don’t do something so mean to Celia.
It’ll be shameful if she shits herself as an adult.
Not wanting to think about it, I observe Sekrit.
She’s wearing a white shirt, knee-high pants, and belts wrapped tightly around certain areas of her body.
Her distinctively wide-brimmed hat, the lustrous tanned skin of her cleavage exposed by her low-cut shirt, and toned body emphasized by the belts look really good together.
「You look more like a pirate than a merchant in that outfit though. It’s conspicuous in a bad way.」
「Shut up. At least I’m better than the idiot who fell in the water while roaring at the bow of the ship.」
I just got too excited from being on such a vast river and misstepped.
Looking in a mirror, I fix my hair.
I appear like a merchant from all angles, and can’t be seen as anything except the captain of a trade party.
「In outfit alone. What merchant has arms thicker than a sailor and a muscular chest?」
「Like you’re one to talk with how overly erotic you are as a pirate. You’re practically a sexy older lady.」
She closes her hands around my neck before I can go on.
Calling her that was bad, Sekrit doesn’t seem like she has aged at all with how much she trains her body.
「Pardon me, the two of you stand out too much so can you please move inside the ship?」
We were told off by an intelligence officer disguised as a deckhand.
She kicks me in the ass as if to blame me so I fondle her breasts in retaliation.
Seeing that I haven’t stopped, she yanks out a strand of hair from my bangs, and in response I spread her ass cheeks.
Not wanting to lose, Sekrit bites my arm, and I counter by sucking on her neck.
「Cut it out.」
I say as I pull out the belt from her pants.
「Why don’t you?」
She undoes the buttons on my shirt, revealing my naked chest.
「I’ll make you regret that.」
「Try me.」
Sekrit circles my neck with her arms, while I lift her body up and carry her inside the ship.
「What was that?」
「If you worry about it, you lose.」
Sekrit and I jump up to the deafening crashes of a gong and put our clothes on.
A deckhand runs in just as Sekrit pulls on her pants.
「Report.」
Sekrit turns around with her boobs boldly out in the open, but the deckhand has no time to be flustered and answers concisely.
「A boat believed to be an Empire warship has come alongside us.They demand for confirmation of cargo and for the persons responsible to present themselves!」
When we step out onto the deck, armed navy soldiers have already boarded.
Soldiers are climbing one after the other via a rope.
Our intelligence officers – disguised as deckhands – were ordered to avoid fighting and are not putting up any resistance.
「It’s not.」
Sekrit whispers in my ear.
「Are you the captain?」
「Indeed.」
Before I could decipher what Sekrit meant, the man who appeared to be the leader of the navy soldiers stood in front of me with a threatening attitude.
He is 15 cm shorter than me and his arms are three sizes smaller so nothing about him is intimidating though.
「You’re huge. You look nothing like a merchant.」
The leader lightly taps my chin with the back of his hand.
That ticked me off a little, but since the subordinates were told to avoid fighting, I can’t just jump straight into rampaging.
Let’s try to settle things peacefully.
「Where are you headed?」
「I forg……no, the capital.」
Sekrit puts a hand on her forehead.
What’s wrong with what I said?
「What are you carrying?」
「……」
Trading is ultimately a cover so I don’t remember all the cargo I randomly grabbed.
Wait, wait, I think I was given a list. What was on it……
「Why aren’t you answering!?」
The leader yells, taking a step forward.
「Don’t yell! I can’t remember!」
When I step forward, the leader takes three steps back.
「If I remember correctly, it’s foodstuff and cloth items.」
I’m sure nothing’s wrong with that.
「Suspicious……or rather there’s no room to doubt. In the first place, going to the capital means you’ll be profiting from the emperor! Your cargo and ship will be seized!!」
Oh, these guys are on the rebel army side and not the Empire’s side?
If only they said so from the start, I wouldn’t have had to use my brain.
I don’t care much for the cargo, but losing my means of transport will be a problem.
「I can give you the cargo, just leave the boat. That should be fine, no?」
「What a cocky guy……you’re actually going to be detained and interrogated after this!」
The leader pushes my chest.
I hold back from picking him up and tossing him in the river.
I didn’t act as a king for years just for show.
My patience level has grown tremendously from what it was years ago.
「You’re no merchant, you have girls on board. How dare you try this with me……」
The leader approaches Sekrit and sticks his hand in her pants.
He rudely stirs his finger around inside while provoking me with a smile.
「Oh no. A dirty finger went in. I think I might get turned on.」
Sekrit doesn’t struggle and says, grinning mischievously at me.
「Hmph, getting my finger all wet. You’ll be personally interrogated by me. Come!」
He licks his finger and puts an arm around Sekrit’s shoulder.
「Don’t resist. It’s no big deal, I’ll let you go after a little loving.」
Sekrit doesn’t move despite the leader pulling her arm.
Of course she doesn’t.
The leader’s arm has been cut off at the elbow with the bottom part still resting on Sekrit’s shoulder.
「……eh?」
Following the dumbfounded voice, blood squirts out from the stub like it just remembered how to.
「I’ve done it now, but it couldn’t be helped. I’m not going to stand idly while you touch my woman.」
I return the sword I stole from the leader’s hip and used to cut him to the waist of another guy staring blankly.
「Getting fingered by some low-life while you watch was somewhat new and interesting.」
Sekrit casually grabs the severed arm left on her shoulder.
「Sorry to tell you now, but what you licked wasn’t my juices, it was his fresh semen.」
Sekrit smirks and throws the arm into the river.
「No……the last thing I licked was a man’s……it can’t be……」
The leader dies from the blood loss and shock.
That marked the start of war.
「Sword.」
I received the Dual Crater from two deckhands, who had to carry it together, and stepped forward with a vertical swing.
「Wha- so big!」
「Block……no, it’s impossible! Dodge it!」
The enemy soldiers hastily moved out of the way, but I predicted that.
I twist my sword right before it hits the deck and purposely strike the floor with the flat side.
The bladeless edge doesn’t dig into the deck, rather it only transmits the impact, sending splinters of wood into the air and knocking the navy soldiers who dodged to the left and right off balance.
Capitalizing on that opening, I swing my sword horizontally once it bounces up from the deck due to recoil.
Three soldiers are flung backward with a spray of blood, but that’s just the beginning.
I take another step forward as I thrust my sword, impaling the one soldier who dodged backward, then throw him at the watchtower.
「Fuu.」
I quickly confirm my surroundings, then ensure a flag is on the mast before I stop moving.
「In an instant, the captain and four others were……w-who the heck is this guy!?」
「Regardless, we have to defeat him!」
The navy soldiers start moving when I stop.
「His weapon is a greatsword. Watch out for his sweeps!」
「The mast. Aim at him from behind and on top of the mast!」
The enemy soldiers climb up the mast and also use it as cover to aim at me.
「You’re navy soldiers after all. I was waiting for this.」
Exhaling, I swing my sword with enough force for the wind to travel across the enemy ship alongside us.
My Dual Crater spins 360 degrees, cutting through the barrels on the broadside of the ship, the ropes holding the sail taut, and the main mast.
Those hiding behind the mast see the lower halves of their own bodies as the severed top halves slide off, those crouching in cover touch the top part of their heads as the area from above their eyebrows goes missing, and those who climbed the mast scream as they fall head-first.
Shouts and screams mix together and become a cacophony of cries.
「It’s coming down――!」
Sekrit warns as the mast topples.
It just so happens that the mast falls perfectly in the direction of the enemy ship.
Chains, ropes and weights attached to the mast dance in the air like living creatures.
「Woah, that was close.」
「Gyaa!?」
Someone behind me screams right as I evade the objects by a hair’s breadth.
It seems an enemy soldier trying to target my back was hit and got his head crushed.
「Think a little before you swing! You’re more troublesome than the enemies.」
Sekrit rolls forward to dodge a whirling chain.
Next she handsprings backward to didge a falling weight and then lays flat on the floor to avoid a bundle of rope.
「Beautiful.」
It feels like Sekrit’s movements are a bit showy as she continues to evade.
A loud rumble resonates as the mast completely collapses onto the enemy ship.
「Not good.」
Sekrit mutters at the same time my ship tips to the side and starts moving toward the enemy ship, colliding into the side and resulting in an unsettling sound from toward the bottom of the ship.
「Does this ship have bulkheads?」
「No, it’s a merchant ship.」
A disguised deckhand shakes his head.
Sekrit inhales deeply, then shouts.
「All hands, abandon ship. Jump off!」
We leap off the visibly tilting ship and into the river.
「Why is this happening!?」
I cling to a floating piece of wooden debris.
「「「It’s your fault, stupid!」」」
Sekrit yells at me.
Wait, I heard two other voices too.
Although I’d like to lop their heads off for treason, now is not the time.
Looking over, the impact from the collision and the weight of the mast is also causing the enemy ship to tip over.
「A-ahbbbh, drowning……help……」
「Calm down and hold on. You’re fine.」
I hug a sinking enemy female soldier and swim toward the shore.
「Well, that’s the first half.」
「I’ll kill that woman.」
Celia stands up with absolutely everything in full view, intending to jump out of the bathroom.
「A laxative……no wonder I suddenly felt……even though I went once in the morning……in such a place……aaaah!!」
I restrain the flailing Nonna.
「Could it be, the reason that our allowance decreased last month was because-」
「I couldn’t just return the ship I borrowed in its destroyed state. It’s also too expensive to be added to Rebecca’s expense, and Adolph would have gotten mad if I told him so I put it on the royal court expenses.」
Nonna whacks me in the back of the head in protest with her boob hammer.
Now, now, I don’t want to get hard again in front of the children.
「This is where their story begins.」
I gently rub the slightly enlarged bellies of the beastmen girls.
Their eyes immediately melt and they nestle against me, letting out a cute sigh.
「That’s what I’m interested about. For them to be completely enamored, you must have done something major.」
Mel says.
By the way, though I won’t mention her age, I still sleep with Mel normally.
She’s still barely hanging in there.
「I won’t lose!」
Gretel, who self-proclaims as my beloved dog, pumps herself up by putting on dog ears and sticking a toy tail she took from Alice into her ass, then rubs her head against me.
Alright, let’s tell the rest of the story.
