She knew, she was the one who couldn’t bear to part with Gong Fan. Youyou could see that. He understood her reluctance. That was why he had held on for so long. But now she could see that the boy’s mental state was deteriorating. He was continually having nightmares and these nightmares were destroying his will. The boy held on and insisted he was fine. She didn’t even offer a word of comfort.
This was not something she relished. She had imagined this situation countless times. Between Youyou and Gong Fan… they had come to a point where a choice had to be made. However, every time she thought of having to make a choice, she didn’t dare to think further. It was this hesitation, this indecision, that had been causing the boy to suffer, but he did so in silence.
“It’s useless thinking so much about it now. I just think that whether it’s Gong Fan or Youyou, they’re both our sons. We can’t be without either of them. Now, perhaps, we lack that ability, but maybe in the future, not long from now, we might have the ability and things won’t be so difficult for you.”
Her heart went out to the boy. “Even if the body can withstand it, the mind can never withstand it, right? If it were you, would you be willing to share your body with another personality?”
Mu Yazhe said nothing. Naturally, he’d be unwilling. Not that he was being selfish. But because both personalities would end up suffering as a result. Who would want to go to sleep knowing that it might be a fortnight later before you’d wake up? Even knowing it was the same self, the two personalities would never coexist in perfect harmony!
“Even the most advanced medical methods can’t save Youyou and Gong Fan. Unless Gong Fan exists in another body.”
After a pause, Yun Shishi calmed a little and gripped the railing tightly. “I don’t want Youyou’s decisions to be influenced by me,” she said sadly.
“What are you saying exactly…?”
Yun Shishi was silent for a long moment. With tears in her eyes, she looked up at the hazy moon on the horizon, but when she thought of the decision she had to make, she closed her eyes sadly and let the tears fall.
“Youyou is independent. He should have his own way of thinking. He shouldn’t have to be cornered by my personal concerns.”
“That’s why… That’s why…” She choked for a long time, finding it difficult to form a coherent sentence with her words.
It was obvious how much pain she was in. Her posture was stiff as a rock…
“If, indeed, a decision must be made…” She took a deep breath and struggled to get the words out. “For Youyou, I have to… I have to give up Gong Fan…”
Even though those words were suppressed, Gong Fan heard them very clearly. He leaned back against the wall, his eyes staring ahead blankly. After a long while, he finally came to his senses, and his eyes instantly turned red.
…
…For Youyou… I have to… give up Gong Fan…
It was just a few words, but they were sharper than the tip of a dagger and pierced right through his heart. Gong Fan pursed his lips tightly and remained silent.
He stood silently in the shadows, keeping himself hidden, until his father comforted her and helped her back to her room. Finding his breath, he finally started to walk, only to stumble, nearly falling over.
Gong Fan made his way back into his room in a blur. Once back in the dark and quiet surroundings of his room, he shut the door behind him and tears finally welled up in his eyes.
