Translator: Atlas Studios Editor: Atlas Studios
A suffocating pain engulfed me.
For the first time in my life, I realized, it was possible for my heart to hurt this much.
This kind of pain made it hard for one to breathe. It made me feel helpless and lost.
On the night of Grandma’s death, the family was busy preparing for the funeral while Dongyu slept with me in the small room upstairs. I couldn’t get a wink of sleep all night.
I couldn’t stop crying as I hugged my grandmother’s big fan.
I had memories of this big dandelion fan. When I was a kid, when the weather was hot, it was Grandma who stayed by my bed and fanned us tirelessly until we fell asleep.
.
When I went upstairs and saw it, my heart nearly broke.
Dongyu held me in his arms. He didn’t know how to comfort me, given my devastated state. Even he himself was in a sombre mood because of my grandmother’s death. It was as if he had been affected by my emotions, and tears fell from his eyes.
“Xiachun, stop crying, alright?”
He comforted me gently, holding me in his arms like he was coaxing a child.
I didn’t know how to respond to him. Even though I didn’t make a single sound, the tears never stopped.
He must have felt his heart ache. Holding my face, he meticulously pecked away the tears at the corners of my eyes.
Because of the nature of these kisses, I was stunned. My initially steady heart started beating rapidly.
In the darkness, Dongyu didn’t seem to notice anything unusual about me, but he sensed that I had stopped crying. He also knew that such comfort seemed to be able to temporarily calm my emotions. He cupped my face in his hands and gently kissed away my tears, just as he had done when I was young.
I cried a lot when I was young. This was how he comforted me. But little did I realize then, that as we grew up, the same interaction between a man and a woman would carry an amount of ambiguity.
My heart was pounding, but I was willing to let him comfort me like this. I subconsciously wrapped my arms around his waist.
He seemed to snap out of his daze the moment I hugged him. He looked up slightly and met my eyes.
I couldn’t see the expression on his face, just as how he wouldn’t have seen the hidden emotions in my eyes. He only smiled lightly and said, “Little fool, don’t cry anymore. Grandma isn’t here anymore, but I’m here with you.”
“Can you stay by my side forever?”
“I promised Grandma to take good care of you.”
“I…”
That wasn’t the type of care I wanted!
This blockhead didn’t seem to know what I really meant.
Later, I realized that perhaps Dongyu had already understood at that time. However, he deliberately avoided answering and avoided the important matters.
Just like when I was young, I stubbornly pursued the answer, but Dongyu knew long ago that some things, once made clear, would not be what he wanted to see ultimately.
Some things, when ambiguous, would be less painful, and help avoid cruel choices.
He constructed an utopian world for us, hoping that the conflicted feelings could coexist.
That night, he held me in his arms and stayed with me all night, until my emotions calmed down.
After the funeral, to thank the relatives who had helped at the funeral, Dad booked a private room at the hotel and treated his relatives and friends to a meal.
At such occasions, Dongyu was, inevitably, always the center of attention.
One of my mother’s colleagues said half-jokingly, “Dongyu is tall and handsome. My Tingting likes him a lot. She’s talks about him incessantly! Dongyu, how about being our son-in-law in the future?”
