562 Sangsang’s Saying
Translator:TransnIOL | Editor: TransnIOL /Transn
During the conversation in the carriage, Mo Shanshan had been responding to Sangsang gently with “um-hum”. When she heard Sangsang’s last sentence, without hesitation she responded as usual, but then noticed something off. She raised the tone to express doubts and astonishment and some other complex emotions that were difficult to convey only through pitch fluctuation.
If it was a conversation between any other two women in the world, the conversation would be considered to be filled with tension and harsh irony, like they were confronting each other with daggers. But Mo Shanshan knew Sangsang so well that she knew Sangsang was just telling the facts and had no intent to show off.
She learned it from Ning Que that Sangsang had a serious illness and she had come to Lanke Temple to cure it. Although it was said that Master Qishan might have a way to cure her, the possibility was so small that even the Headmaster failed to do it. Thinking about the last two sentences Sangsang said, she was a bit sad.
Noon was approaching and the black horse carriage stopped beside a temple by the mountainside to have a rest for a while. Monk Guanhai caught up from behind and prepared lunch for the monks and led Ning Que and the others into a quiet courtyard.
Sangsang had spent so much energy on the chess game, and her body was still weak. She felt sleepy after eating a few mouthfuls of vegetables. Ning Que carried her into the inner room and spread the clean bedding over her. He tucked the quilt carefully to confirm that there was no room for the autumn wind to get inside. After that, he felt relieved.
“I have told you not to care about the chess. You just didn’t listen to me.”
Ning Que looked at her sullen face and said anxiously.
Sangsang whispered, “But I really think it’s fun playing chess. I heard that many people admired me after I won. Aren’t you happy about it?”
Ning Que thought it over, and replied, “I’m happy indeed, and proud of you.”
Sangsang smiled with satisfaction.
Ning Que reached out his hand to cover her eyes and asked her to sleep.
Sangsang did not want to close her eyes. Instead, she blinked, and her eyelashes made Ning Que’s hand itchy.
“Ning Que.”
Sangsang’s voice came from between his fingers.
Ning Que said with a little surprise, “I’m here.”
Sangsang said, “You are mine.”
Ning Que laughed and said, “I’m yours. Yours, yours, all yours.”
After a moment of silence, Sangsang asked, “I am not a good person, am I?”
“If the Lady of Light is not a good person, who else could be?”
“Am I really the Lady of Light? I had killed people when I was young.”
Ning Que asked, “When did you kill anyone?”
“I killed grandpa.”
“You just poured a bucket of boiling water. I murdered him with a knife.”
“Then I am your accomplice.”
“What the hell are you thinking?”
Ning Que said angrily, “Ever since you were young, I had tried so hard to keep you away from killing or anything that could make your hands bloody. Now you try to prove that you already got blood in your hands. Are you proud of it?”
Sangsang turned around with her back facing him, and said, “I’m not proud. I just don’t think that I am the sort of good person many people think I am.”
Previously on the way up to the mountain, Ning Que had heard all the conversation between Sangsang and Shanshan even though they spoke in low voices. He had guessed what Sangsang wanted to say right now but he did not want to hear it.
However, as in the past, even though he did not want to do something, as long as Sangsang wanted to, she would do it. Sangsang still said whatever she wanted to him even if he did not want to hear it.
“We spent all our money buying the house beside Yanming Lake and still owe Mr. Qi more than seven hundred taels of silver. If we can withdraw some dividends from the casino in winter, we can pay him back next year. I always feel that it’s not good to owe people money. So I’m thinking whether to rent out Old Brush Pen Shop.”
“Those gifts given by Emperor and Empress are all collected in a booklet and I stored it at the bottom of the winter clothes box in the west room. The Princess sent a total of 160 trees, which were favored by rich people on the west side of the mountain, according to my inquiry. If we sold them, one tree should be worth over five hundred taels of silver.”
“Aunt Wu had borrowed 14 taels of silver last time but had not returned it yet. I know that Mr. Wu had borrowed a loan from you last time. Only you know how much it was. I won’t count those cheap things like oil, salt, and vinegar lest you say I’m stingy. Do remember that I hid a gold brick in the wall behind the well and firewood in Old Brush Pen Shop…”
Sangsang stared at the wall and was too shy to turn around. She said, “When I was young, I was worried that you wouldn’t want to marry me and your wife wouldn’t allow me to stay at home. So I have been… saving money secretly. I figured that I wouldn’t need to panic if I had some money for my dowry so I keep saving even after we are moved to Chang’an.”
Ning Que was surprised after hearing her words. He thought that she was amazing for she was able to save up even though they led a very frugal life. He admired her for her frugality so he smiled and said, “I think His Majesty really should hire you to be Minister of Revenue.”
Sangsang did not respond to his joke and said seriously, “The money I have saved so far totals up to more than two thousand and one hundred taels of silver. I’ve left it with Aunt Jian. I know you have never liked to sell calligraphy and you did it when we entered Chang’an only because I forced you to sell them. If you really don’t have enough money, take my savings.”
These words sounded like the last words of a head of a family. Ning Que wanted to laugh and get angry at the same time but he did not care about whether it was lucky to speak of death or not. He asked, “What about the gold brick?”
Sangsang turned around and looked at him seriously, and said, “The gold brick is for my parents.”
Ning Que thought about her confession, and asked, “You have nothing left for me except money?”
“I had made enough shoes and socks for you to wear for many years. I’m not good at needlework. You will just have to put up with them.”
Sangsang suddenly recalled one thing and she whispered, “There is a small black box under the bed of Old Brush Shop. Don’t forget it.”
Ning Que did not know she had a small black box until last year.
There were many things thrown away by him for some reason, but they were all valuable to him, such as the calligraphy he wrote after the death of Darkie.
He nodded and said, “I knew.”
Sangsang shook her head and said, “You don’t know. You threw away all those letters sent by Miss Calligraphy Addict after reading them. But I collected them and now there is more than ten of them.”
Ning Que was silent for a while and said, “It is enough to read letters once. Who will want to take them out and read them in the future?”
Sangsang suddenly smiled and said, “I was thinking that I would take out the box when we got old and lay on the bamboo chairs of Old Brush Pen Shop and waited to die. By that time, in my opinion, if you read them again, you may be happy. Unfortunately, it seems that I may not be able to grow old with you.”
“I don’t know from whom you learn all these sentimental things.”
Ning Que put his hands into the bedding and held her little cold hands, and said, “That is the scene in the imagination of stupid women. You are still young and shouldn’t be so sentimental like them. They’re so old, they’re sour and smell bad.”
“I haven’t had a bath for a few days. Am I sour and stinky?.”
Sangsang said, “Young Master, I am really going to die. Then I won’t be able to tell you this when I’m old. I am anxious to tell you all this time so please don’t think I’m annoying.”
Ning Que laughed and said, “I’m not bothered. I just wonder are you done with your last words?”
Sangsang said happily, “Almost.”
Ning Que said, “You are still energetic to play chess and speak nonsense. You don’t look like you are going to die. Besides, we are meeting Master Qishan today. The Headmaster says he can cure you so he must be able to. There is no need for you to leave your last words at all.”
Sangsang’s eyes widened and she insisted, “What if I don’t have time to say them?”
Ning Que said, “Okay, okay, okay. If you want to say it, you will say it. Say it every year in the future.”
Sangsang was amused by him and then she began to cough. Her thin body trembled slightly and her brows were tightly knitted. Her face was pale and she looked as if she was in terrible pain.
Ning Que used his left index finger to shoot a piece of Fu paper into the Zen room and it silently began to burn and then turned into a warm fire, floating in the air, like a small sun.
Then he hugged Sangsang into his arms and gently patted her back.
Sangsang coughed painfully and it took a while to ease it.
She closed her eyes and said in a weak voice, “I’m not a good person. I am not good looking, and can’t do anything except housework, yet I married you. Many people think that you have suffered a loss.”
Ning Que said, “It sounds like I do suffer some losses.”
Sangsang smiled and said, “It doesn’t matter now. It’s you who picked me up at that time.”
Ning Que smiled as well and he said, “It’s all my good ears’ fault.”
Sangsang slowly opened her eyes, looked at him and said, “Ning Que, you are the first person I saw when I opened my eyes. So I must watch you die when I close my eyes.”
Ning Que tried to confirm what he had heard. He said, “Are you saying that you want to look at me when you are dying or you want to watch me die? The former is kind of sad. The latter one is cruel. Do you just want me to die before you?”
Sangsang laughed and said, “You know what I mean. You can marry her after I’m dead. Or marry anyone else if you want.”
Ning Que shook his head and said, “If you die, I really don’t want to live anymore.”
Sangsang said, “You just said I was too sentimental earlier. Look at yourself now. That’s something only women can say.”
Ning Que said, “Then I am a woman.”
Sangsang said with a smile, “Then I shall be a man.”
…
…
Sangsang fell asleep.
Ning Que walked out of the Zen room and stood in the courtyard against the autumn tree outside the wall, lost in a daze for a long time.
He recalled many things in his mind, in the past and present. Then he thought of the chess game.
He had known since many years ago that Sangsang had an incredible counting ability. It could be regarded as God’s counting and it was not an exaggeration. Sangsang helped him a lot with this ability when he was hunting in Min Mountain and cutting firewood in the City of Wei. But he seemed to forget her talent unless when they were in battles of life and death.
He had gotten used to standing in front of Sangsang, protecting her from any danger. This time, would he be able to her shelter from the storm again?
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