When his father ascended the throne, Geoffrey was just 3 years old. After a few months, being the legitimate heir, he was given the title of crown prince.
His childhood, from what he can recall, has not been a happy one. Although he enjoyed the privileges that came with being the heir to the throne, his upbringing has been plagued with high expectations, great disappointments, and even some bullying.
When he grew to have some awareness, he realized that his family was not like the ones he read and heard about. He did not spend that much time with his parents because they have their own royal duties, or whatever their excuse was. However, whenever he did, they were mostly not pleasant.
His father, the king, often belittled him. He would tell him that he was too soft, that he was too lacking, not smart enough, not skilled enough, and other kids could always do better than him. Even when he achieved the best scores in school, it was always never enough. But he thought with some consolation that his father was just like that because he expected more from him. However, that did not mean that it did not hurt.
Geoffrey was not a tough little boy at that time. He has been quite sensitive and did not really take criticism lightly. Whenever his father would tell him those words, he would feel like his heart was being prickled and he would cry himself to sleep. Yet, the next day, he would wake up and tell himself to do better, to be better so that he can meet his father's expectations. Only to find out, that again, he would be called a disappointment. That cycle was how it has always been all through his childhood that one would think that he has become numb to it.
His mother, the queen on the other hand, was not any better. Coming from her own mouth, she told him that the only reason that he was able to be the crown prince was because she agreed to accept the mistress of his father to be a second wife. She was hot and cold to him.
At times, she would tell him how much she loves him, that he was her only light and hope, that she expects great things from him. That she would always protect him and be on his side but he should also keep working hard because with his half-brothers, the battle for the throne will soon commence.
Then the next, she will tell him that he owes everything to her. She will remind him that his position was only given to him because of her sacrifice. Then she will hit him, telling him that he was just like his father, that he would become an ingrate and abandon her later.
As a child, he did not understand why things were the way they were. However, as he matured, he realized that the marriage between his parents were purely political. That perhaps, he was treated the way he was, because he was not made from love.
Yet, despite all these, Geoffrey persevered. Instead of hating his parents like every other petulant child, he strived for their affection. So starved of love was he, that he interpreted all those hurtful words as their effort to make him a better man.
When he graduated as the valedictorian from Alighieri and returned home to enter the house of the lords at the age of 18, he hoped that things would become different. That somehow, his father would give him a pat on the back and tell him, well done, then look at him with pride. But again, he was bound for a disappointment.
Instead, his father told him that not because he was able to enter the house of the lords meant that he now has a voice. That he should not let his insignificant achievement get to his head.
That was when he thought about something he read once, that historically, kings disliked the crown prince, because once they are old enough, they would hope nothing else but for their father to die so they can take over the throne.
It was a blow to him. All his life, he felt isolated and the only person who truly mattered perhaps hated him. Although his father was often harsh, he saw him as his everything. He idolized his father, placed him on a pedestal, and treated all his words as gold.
Friends were not real friends but vassals, everyone who tried to have a close relationship with him ever tried to use him as a mean to their end. Even his mother saw him that way, merely a tool to solidify her position. That was why his father was the only person he thought he could trust, the only person who truly cared for his well-being.
So, again, he decided to let it go. Possibly, his father saw his pursuit to greatness as a disrespect. That he was power hungry and wanted the throne already. In the end, he must still care for him.
But all those shattered when he announced his engagement.
Some would think that the blow came from him being rebellious. That he wanted his father to stop choreographing his life with tact reserved for pandas in captivity. But that was not the reason.
What hurt him the most was the fact that his father was just like everyone else. He used his marriage to secure an alliance with Duke Maxwell. He was aware that the funds of the treasury needed replenishment, but he did not think the solution would come with his father selling him to the highest bidder.
As a young adult, he understood that he was bound to a duty, to an obligation, that the privilege he was enjoying came with a price. However, the optimistic child that longed for love still lingered within him. Unlike his forefathers, his engagement has not been decided at a young age. He thought that it was the proof that his father cherished him even when he does not show nor voice it. That he was giving him control for that part of his life, for he knew that a political marriage will not lead to happiness.
He would have accepted the engagement, even feel honored about it, only if his father consulted him. But like a puppet without any opinion, he did not even give him enough consideration to at least pretend to give him a choice.
Thus, when he found out, he felt so forlorn that he uncharacteristically ran away the next day. At that time, he didn't know where his foot led him. He knew that there were guards tailing him wherever he went, but he pretended that at that moment they did not exist.
When he reached the church and went inside, that was when he first saw Emily. She was alone and playing the piano. Her eyes were closed, and the light filtering through the windowpane made her glow like an angel. She was playing Chopin's Nocturne op.9 No. 2, and it somehow calmed his raging heart.
Then, she turned to look at him, told him that he was being rude. He did not understand how he offended her as they were in a public place, but it was the first time that someone has been so candid with him. Although his parents did not give him affection, everyone else still revered him as the crown prince.
He checked just to be sure, but she really did not seem to know his identity, and somehow it made him breath. It made him comfortable. She was a little tactless and prideful, but at that time, she was what he needed.
After that day, he was the one to reach out to her. He just wanted a friend and she seemed to be a good candidate. So, after a while, their exchange of letters began. It started out innocently, but he underestimated the yearning of his heart too much and left himself unguarded. Unknowingly, he started to look forward to her letters, without divulging his identity, he felt free to just let it all out, releasing the pent-up emotions that he was forced to repress through his writing. Her words also comforted him through the direst of days, and soon, he fancied himself in love.
He did not want to reveal his identity yet, but the circumstance would not let him keep his disguise for long. Thus, on the day she arrived in school, he made time to ensure that they can spend some time together. With his incognito identity, he took her around.
Emily, to him, was perfect. In their letters, she was this righteous girl who was a little heroic and prideful. She wrote about her ideals and her dreams which he found cute and endearing. He was so sure that his feelings would not change and would only grow stronger when they get to spend more time together.
However, much like the life he has been living so far, he was bound for some disappointment for the expectations versus the reality he came to experience were vastly different.
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TBC
