Serena stared at herself in the mirror. It has been 2 weeks since Charlton walked out of the door of the drawing room, and time did not stop moving. Not for her, not for anyone else.
It was a good thing her parents arrived when they did, at least then, she had to act with some normalcy. Her mother did not return to their duchy and chose to stay with her in the ducal mansion. She could not tell her what was wrong, but her company was enough.
Since her mother was there, she was forced out of hiding cooped up in their mansion. They attended some parties and galas, and it was there that she learned what happened to Charlton's family.
For a few days, she tried to tell herself that Charlton did not choose to leave her. That perhaps, he has not given up on them. That it's the circumstance that forced him.
However, the passing days proved her wrong. He never called and she knew that he could. Not only that, the night before he left, he could have visited her, but he didn't.
She looked at herself again as tears blurred her vision. She has been crying a lot. It was very very painful, but she has to accept it. Charlton has abandoned her. It's either he believed what she said that night and felt disgusted by her, or that it was the circumstance with his parents that made him do so. In truth, it doesn't matter what the reason was, for in the end, the conclusion was still the same.
He still abandoned her at the time when she needed him the most. She knew she should not blame him, but deep inside her heart she was still scornful.
Then, she placed her hand on her still flat abdomen. After a few days since her mother has arrived, she put some thoughts to her actions and realized that she was over acting. What made her think that she could be pregnant? Perhaps it was just delayed. Although she has been suffering with some mood fluctuations and nausea in the morning, she could have just gotten sick. With some positivity, she tried to comfort herself with that.
However, now that it's been almost 3 weeks since the time it was due to arrive… she closed her eyes. She could no longer live in denial. She was with child and it's only a matter of time before everyone in the mansion finds out. It was a good thing that Beatrice just arrived 2 weeks ago, and no one has discovered that blood did not stain her undergarments yet.
Now, the question was, what does she do about it?
The first thing that came to mind was to get rid of it. It has not been a month yet and she still has that option. But then, just the thought of doing that to a life, a life that was her own flesh and blood, she knew she could never do it. No matter how scornful she was of Charlton, if he was indeed the father, she could not push all the blame on him. She also shared the responsibility for she was the one who told him to release it inside. Aside from that… she wrapped her arm around her abdomen. She already loved her child.
The second idea was running away. Leave for a vacation, then just disappear. Give birth to the baby somewhere and live a secluded life. She has money, but her problem was that her face was too well known. Then she thought of the medical advances which was disturbingly inadequate and the maternal mortality which was also quite high. She also feared of going through this alone. She thought of going to her friends, but she doesn't want to embroil them with her problems.
Third, telling her family the truth. But how could she bear for them to go down with her? Every single one of them will be punished for this. It would be better if she just disappears herself, that way, they will not know, and she would be the only one facing the charges if she gets caught someday.
Gods, the only solution to all her problems was Geoffrey. But could she, do it? Could she, after going behind his back, having a relationship with his cousin for 3 years, and now pregnant, possibly with the child of his own cousin, push the responsibility to him?
He has been so kind and gentle to her. Well, not so gentle considering how pushy he was to the point that they did that, but she could not really say that he forced her. She might have been confused that time, but still, she engaged in those activities with consent. Then, on the issue of him not figuring that she was no longer intact, perhaps, he was more open minded and knew that not all girls have intact hymen like all the other men of the era? Possibly.
Anyway, was she so evil and conniving that she would use him just so that she would escape from this predicament? Also, what if later he figures that this child was not his? He would kill her, and he would be justified to do so. Then how about her child?
Then again, she won't have to think that far, for before it reaches to that point, she would need to give birth safely first.
She looked at the calendar on the table of her vanity. The days were passing, the time ticking, and she needed to decide. Geoffrey will be visiting on Sunday, and from his last visit, he already asked her about announcing their engagement to the public.
Serena shook her head. At this point, she knew that Geoffrey was her, her child's, and her family's lifeline. It's not a matter of her taking his hand anymore, but the question now was, should she give in to the temptation of taking his hand and live as if she never did those things behind his back? Should she… cheat Geoffrey of the truth?
—
TBC
