-I became a pretty well-known actor. The movie I participated in as the lead role achieved good results the year my daughter became six, and not long later, scenarios started flooding my agency. I could pick a scenario! Isn’t that amazing? I wanted to immediately start another one, but when I looked at my daughter, who kept asking me to play with her, it dawned on me that I’ve been an ignorant father. I knew I should rid the wind, but I took a year break from work thinking that that was the only time I could make memories with my daughter. I had confidence in my skills, so I wasn’t that uneasy. That year went by really fast. I took my wife and daughter anywhere they wanted. The mountains, the plains, the seas – I took them to all the well-known places in the country. I can still remember it like it was yesterday. I can’t forget about my girl’s smile.
The masked man looked at his hands before clenching them into fists.
-Everything was going smoothly. My return was just as smooth as well. I struck a deal with the scenario I liked, and I could sign a contract with a higher guarantee compared to before. I was like a ship with a smooth sail. There was nothing in my way, but just as I thought that the only remaining thing for me now was happiness, that accident assaulted me without any premonition.
“Accident?”
-It was a traffic accident. It might sound like a comedy movie if I explain, but that day, I bought some beer from the convenience store to drink with my wife, along with some strawberry milk. I said goodbye to the part timer working at the counter and left the store. Then, I got hit by a car. The bumper hit my thigh. Actually, I didn’t feel anything. My consciousness flew away at the moment of impact. The only thing I saw before I died was the beer flying into the air and the strawberry milk splashing on the ground. Like that, the masked man’s life came to an end. I found out later that it wasn’t the driver’s fault. Apparently, the car was faulty. He was trying to do a U-turn after getting in the car on the opposite of the road, but apparently, he couldn’t slow down.
“How unlucky.”
-Yes, I mean, no. Maybe I was too lucky. My life was going too well after all. I did not have a nameless period, I never failed any of my works, and above all, I had a lovely wife and an adorable daughter. Maybe I was given a trial because of that. Didn’t someone say this? The total quantity of happiness and unhappiness is equal.
“Do you know what happened to the rest of your family?”
-I can’t tell you that. As much as I wish to tell you, I feel like something very dangerous will happen the moment I say it. There is an eye that’s fiercely watching me even now. I’m just being watched and nothing else since this is an unprecedented incident, but I probably won’t be forgiven if I say something I am not allowed to say.
“That fierce eye, you must be referring to god. The god that gave me another chance at life.”
The masked man fell silent. Maru took it as an answer. He did not reply to what he could not answer. The masked man replied with silence instead. Just as he thought that maybe he could get a few more secrets out of him if he changed the form of his question,
-That’s not possible. I really can’t answer what I’m not allowed to. I could answer that last question by being silent because it didn’t cross the line. Any more is not allowed.
“Can’t you stop reading what’s in my head without my permission?”
-That is also impossible. Honestly speaking, it’s not that I’m reading your thoughts, Mr. Han Maru. It’s that if you think of something, I just naturally know about it as well.
“I’m suddenly beginning to place more weight in the idea that there’s something happening to my brain which ended up generating an alter ego. After all, it wouldn’t be strange to say that we are sharing our thoughts if it’s like that.”
-You can believe whatever you want to believe.
“What a useless answer.”
-Please be considerate of my circumstances as well. I also want to tell you everything.
“Okay, let’s leave that aside. In my memories, I do not know of a well-known actor dying such an unfortunate death.”
-I do not lie. I did indeed die like that.
“What was the year of your death?”
-2020, I think it was.
Maru breathed out slowly. If it happened in the past, he could probably find something out by searching online, but if it was a future incident, there was no way for him to judge whether what he was saying was true or not. He had memories of his previous life, but they were becoming blurry. He couldn’t even remember the faces of his close friends, so it wouldn’t be strange if he couldn’t think of the death of a celebrity he had no relationship with.
“Okay, let’s say that it’s true that you died. So, why is a dead man inside me?”
-That’s not something I can answer.
“Can you show me the face underneath that mask?”
-That is also impossible.
“Are you going to reply that it’s impossible for you to answer anything that might let me identify you?”
-That’s how it is. I do not have the right to tell you who I am. No, this isn’t about ‘rights’. It’s about survival as well. Just like how the autonomic nervous system maintains homeostasis in order to survive, I can only watch what comes out from my mouth.
“Does a dead man die again or something?”
-From my experience, the dead cannot die again, no. Only the living can die.
“Then what is it that you’re afraid of that renders you unable to talk?”
-Because I may not die, but I might get punished. Scary eyes are saying from above that if I talk, I will receive the scary punishment again. Actually, going through that again is pretty tiring.
“That means that you’ve already been through many of such punishments. Does that make you some parasitic ghost that haunts those that go back in time?”
-Parasitic, huh. I’m not exactly parasitic. I can tell you that for sure.
“You can’t tell me this. You can’t tell me that. How cheap of you, when we’re using the same body. I can’t really drag things on when you can’t answer, so I should stop here. But if you died in 2020, doesn’t that mean that you’re alive since it’s 2005 right now?”
-Yes, that’s right.
“Then what’s inside the you living in the current era?”
-Well, I wonder what’s inside.
“You look like you know. Is this something you can’t say too?”
-I think it’s okay because what’s inside my body isn’t necessarily related to you, I think?
“I just found it a little curious. Were souls something that could divide?”
-Souls?
“Yes, souls. If what’s in front of me is not an alter ego from a mental disease, there’s no other option than being a soul, are you not?”
-Do you believe in souls, Mr. Han Maru?
“I have no choice but to believe in them. I also have vague memories of visiting something like heaven. Plus, if you aren’t something spiritual in nature, how do I explain your existence?”
-I see, that’s definitely true. But do you remember that conversation from before?
“What conversation?”
-The one you had with writer Lee Hanmi. I remember that you had a hot discussion about memories and the foundation of existence itself.
“Were you listening back then too?”
-My ears are always open. Even when you are asleep, that is. Well, there’s nothing I can do other than listen, though. Anyway, you replied like this back then. You said that precious memories are stored in something that transcends the physical body – a soul, for example – so people’s feelings of love toward other people will remain regardless of the change in memories.
“I did say that.”
-Do you still believe that?
“I do. Even if my memories change, my love will not.”
-Can I ask you one more thing?
“Go ahead.”
-What made you think like that?
The masked man leaned back on his chair and waited. There weren’t any of the light gestures that he made every time he spoke. He asked in a heavy and dry tone, unlike how he was acting until now.
Why did he think like that? He thought about it. Why did he think that his love would not change? Thinking about it, it was quite strange. There was a reason for faith. His belief in spiritual things was kinda natural since he experienced time travel, but what made him believe in eternal love? Did he even have experience with such a kind of love?
Suspicion sparked within him. It was strange. He did date people a few times, but he always broke up with them in the end. These experiences were lacking for him to have such faith that his love would not change even if his memories did. Why did he start placing blind faith in the notion that his love would not change? Baseless trust was something he avoided all the time. Just what made him possess such a faith?
“Now that you ask, I can’t really answer.”
-Strange, isn’t it? You believe in unchanging love, but you don’t remember how you came to believe in it.
The masked man pulled back his left sleeve. As the sleeve pulled back, Maru saw his watch. Maru looked at that watch for a while before looking at his own left wrist. There was the same watch on his wrist as well.
-Time is ticking. Ticking endlessly, without end. It falls down like the grains of sand in your hand. You cannot grab onto it nor can you stop it. Mr. Han Maru. Did you know that time is actually walking around the same spot? The hour hand that runs past the 12 hour mark will return to the 12 hour mark. Going round and round. Time is always going round and round.
“You… who are you?”
The masked man looked at the watch again. He nodded.
-The scary eye disappeared. It looks like time’s up. You might have forgotten, but we actually met not too long ago. From then onwards, your inner time should have started flowing vigorously. This time, it was really unprecedented, so the scary eyes must have become flustered as well. No, perhaps this is also a scheme of the gods.
“Just who are you?”
-Think about it carefully. You saw my face before. From really up close too.
Maru squeezed his memories, but he couldn’t think of the man’s face. Thinking of something he has never seen before was akin to a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat without any preparation. Technical ‘magic’ and real ‘magic’ were definitely different things.
“I never met you before.”
-You did. Your memories of it just disappeared.
“My memories disappeared?”
-Let me tell you another story. There was once a man. He was a forty-five-year-old bus driver that had a wife and daughter he loved. However, that bus driver died because some construction materials that penetrated the windscreen hit his chest. His wife and daughter cried a lot, apparently. Well, then. Whose story is this?
“A forty-five-year-old bus driver, a wife, and a daughter?”
-Did you forget, Mr. Han Maru? You should have had an irreplaceable family.
“There’s no way that’s true.”
-You said you died at thirty-seven, correct?
“Yes. I died then. I had no family.”
The masked man looked at the clock again. Three, two, one. After counting, the man raised his head again.
-When did you die again?
“Thirty….”
Maru clutched his head. It was disappearing. The scene of his death at thirty-seven was becoming faint. He was conscious of it, so he could realize that those memories disappeared. At the same time, he also had the premonition that the very fact he was conscious of it was soon going to disappear as well.
“Did I die at forty-five? And I had a wife and daughter as well?” asked Maru as though he was screaming.
-Answering that question became useless now. Time’s up after all. You said before, right? That memories are intertwined like a net and that you will be able to remember the incident and the circumstances even if a portion of it was gouged out. Let me tell you this. You have underestimated god. God has removed your memories with an omnipotent scalpel before perfectly stitching together the remaining memories with the omniscient stapler. From now on, you will have memories of dying at an even earlier age than thirty-seven.
Maru gulped. It was just as the man said. His memories whispered to him that he died at thirty-two. The masked man’s hand moved. He slowly took off his mask. The face underneath the mask was revealed.
Maru was unable to say anything. The moment he saw the man’s face that looked just like his, a memory that lay dormant in the river of forgetfulness leaped out like a salmon during spawning season. It was momentary but left a deep impression on him.
“That’s right, you were me,” Maru said as he glared at the man who had a face that looked just like his, as though he was looking at a mirror.
-This is also unprecedented. A memory that you forgot once has returned. However, it’s useless. You’ll forget it again anyway.
“Why is there another me inside me? What did you mean when you said you died in 2020?”
-You must know the answer to that already.
Maru clenched his teeth. Just as the masked man said, his head had already arrived at a conclusion.
“Time goes round and round… back to the same spot,” Maru said as he stared at the eyes of the masked man who didn’t have his mask on.
“How… many times did I die and come back to life again?”
KTLChamber's Thoughts
DUN DUN DUN, the BIG REVEAL….. is NEXT CHAPTER!
Editor's Note:
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND PEOPLE OF ALL GENDERS HERE WE GO! SUBSCRIBE CUZ ITS GONNA HURT WAITING. (rip Max Subs, good thing I'm an editor and have access to the stockpile)
