Facing a silent partner was something that felt much more solitary than facing the wall by oneself. The wall would reflect their voice at least, so it was at least possible to check that they said something. However, talking to someone with sealed lips was even worse than talking to a wall, because the soft skin that humans had absorbed all sound. It would be better if that partner rolled their eyes to express that they’re up to something, but the person he was facing now didn’t have any eyes. He didn’t have a nose or a mouth either. Not to mention arms and legs, he didn’t even have a body. There was only one thing that was there – it was the presence.
Maru leaned against the wall and sat down. He breathed calmly and closed his eyes. A man who didn’t even have a phone these days? He wanted to get that man the latest phone and say a word to him – pick up the phone when it rings. The man within himself did not reply as though he was a bear in hibernation. He popped out without asking when he started acting, but now that he wanted to have a slow conversation, he did not show up at all.
Around two weeks ago, he did things that would make other people call the ambulance if they saw him. He shouted into thin air in order to wake up the unresponsive guy and tried bashing his head against the wall to see if that guy reacted to pain. He even kneeled down in the center of the hall and tried politely writing a letter too. My dear nameless guy within me – of course, there was no reply. Though, he was willing to try again if he found a post box that could deliver letters inside a person’s body.
After that, he tried numerous methods in order to just get a greeting. He tried his hand at meditating to access his afterlife, tried dreaming a lucid dream, and even did some weird physical exercise that was known to allow one to see the inside of a person through qi. As he had experienced that there was a world that surpassed science, he tried his hand at many things with faith, but that guy, within the world of his mind, did not even budge.
In the end, the only way to see him was to act. That guy seemed to have no interest in everyday life other than acting, and when he stopped acting and tried talking to him, he disappeared into thin air. He tried changing things up and tried to talk him through the lines in his acts, but again, there was no response. That guy went back home deep inside the heart like a civil worker who tightly kept office hours. In other words, he was an extremely hard guy to talk to.
Someone that he could call out, but not talk to. There was nothing more frustrating than this.
Maru opened his eyes. The tug of war with the presence was something very tiring, but it was still too early to give up. He had his experiences with boring, dragged out fights. That guy would be in trouble if he underestimated the mind of a father who fed a family. A tree that did not fall even after ten chops with an ax, can be cut down with a chainsaw. If there wasn’t a chainsaw available, he could just keep shaving away at it with a wire saw.
Maru stood up from his seat. The only window of communication was acting after all. Who knows? That guy just might give up and speak.
He opened the script that the acting club was practicing. There were 11 characters. Including the bypassing characters, there were around 16 people in total. He was going to do all the roles by himself. If he kept expressing different characters like he was driving a car with 16 different gears, the guy inside will have to raise his head up numerous times. He didn’t know if there was such a thing known as stamina to spiritual beings, but he was going to have a battle of endurance with him.
“Officers!”
The start began with a shop owner. He was one who bribed the Japanese police in order to live a fulfilling life. The moment he thought of the character he had to express, ‘he’ reacted. That guy who didn’t appear when he called out to him several times. Feeling rather frustrated, Maru handed that guy the baton immediately. He took a step back and watched his act. Now, even his emotions were completely separated, which allowed him to regain calm when he stepped down from the stage no matter what intense emotions he had. This was the result of calling him out so many times. It was definitely a big advantage for an actor to quickly switch emotions without mental pressure.
“What did we ever do wrong?”
Maru acted out the wailing man on the floor himself. If he took control away from that guy and acted himself, he could vaguely feel the guy’s gaze. Until a while ago, he only had the feeling that he was just being watched, but right now, he could faintly notice the emotions hidden inside as well. Dissatisfaction. Maru could feel the gaze of a pitcher who’s being switched out at the last second just before winning.
Maru, who was about to finish acting out one role and was about to go to the next, gave that guy the baton for a brief moment before taking it away again.
“Deal with it. This country is done for. The Empire of Japan will not fall. If you’re an intellectual, then act like one and read the trends. Are you going to let your children be the children of a fallen country? Don’t do it. Look at the future.”
When he played the role of a news journalist, Maru felt that the gaze was thickening. ‘He’, who was just staring at him as though he didn’t exist, was coming towards the stage. Maru tried to be conscious of him before deciding not to. He focused on acting and intentionally ignored him.
He yielded the next turn to that guy. He saw that the guy was overjoyed like a puppy who had seen snow for the first time. Even though Maru and that guy had separate emotions, thoughts, and the like, it was sometimes easy to see through what he was thinking as though they were one. It was like that right now. That guy acted as though he was trying to quench his thirst. Maru could feel through his own body that the emotions being released from his body were much more intense and compressed than usual. That guy was acting as though he was possessed and put all of his energy into it. Watching, Maru became an audience member and was in a daze for a while. It was an act that shook something at the very foundation of any human. Just watching him filled his blood vessels full of satisfaction.
“Why do you think we are still alive even though those distinguished high officials had their heads chopped off? The foundation, the root of a country lies within us, does it not? Also, isn’t protecting that our duty as the owners? Even if the word ‘Chosun’ disappears from this land, as long as we, who have rooted down in this place, are still alive, the lineage will continue. Isn’t that what being the people of a country is about?”
He grabbed a mop in reverse and raised it high into the air. For that very moment, he was a hero with a resolve. He was an anarchist pointing his spear at the ideals that were forced on him. The marble floor was a grassland scattered with blood, and the empty hall was filled with people under the will of the old nation. Intense heat rose from the surroundings, and an ear-piercing shout seemed to feel real.
That was the result of continuing ‘his’ act. His body that was filled with passion towards acting forgot about the lines and made him become that character itself. This was a different acting method from his usual one. It was that guy’s role to become immersed and become that character while Maru’s role was to analyze that character to the very core before unfolding it in the form of acting. That guy used instinct and intuition, while Maru himself used reason and judgment. His mind, which was supposed to be cold and rational, was filled with heat. This was an acting method he usually avoided, but he could not hold himself back this time. Immersing in the character gave him a sense of bliss like a tight knot being untied in an instant. His senses spread out in all directions without stopping. For this moment, he felt a sense of satisfaction that made him think that it would be fine even if the being known as Han Maru disappeared.
It was when the character’s lines reached their peak that a hand suddenly poked him, causing ripples to appear in the lake of immersion. His immersion broke instantly. The delicately locked gear wheels did not allow even the tiniest gear to leave its spot. The owner of the hand that interrupted the perfect moment was none other than ‘that guy’.
Maru threw the mop on the floor and plopped down on the ground, panting heavily. He didn’t know how long he had been rampaging for. He felt like his sense of time disappeared somewhere far away. He barely raised his head to look at the clock. Only 10 minutes had passed. Maru’s container for emotions was too small to accommodate the emotions he felt during those ten minutes. Maru felt the records of his experience that he could not fully contain scattering away. As much of a pity as that was, he couldn’t help it. 13 eggs couldn’t fit into a carton made for a dozen. He had to accommodate what he could and let the rest go. If he tried to be greedy, it would ruin everything else.
“Looks like you were pretty desperate, huh?” Maru said as he raised his head.
Even though the act was over, that guy was still around, glaring at Maru. Acting is mine – he seemed to shout.
Maru bit his lower lip as he stood up. It was that guy that did not accept despite waving so many carrots at him. Now that there was a whip in his hand, it was time to do a tug of war.
“Keep watching from there. It’ll be quite fun,” Maru screamed his lungs out before picking up his script.
You like acting, huh? Why don’t you keep watching from there? You shy guy.
Feeling that guy shaking as though he wanted Maru to let him off, Maru joyfully went about his acts.
* * *
A voice could be heard through the slightly open door. Daemyung felt like his ears were burning from the voice alone. He had a look at Jiyoon next to him. She also had her eyes fixed on what was behind the door. Daemyung exerted some strength to push the door slightly. He did so carefully so that it didn’t make any sound.
Maru was in the middle of the now wider vision. Around him were mops, brooms, hammers, nails, and the like. Maru ran around the messy hall. He was a colonist, the spearhead of the ruler, and the flagbearer of the rebels. His voice, which was filled with heat, filled the entire hall. It was hotter than when thirty people were practicing. It was so hot that he couldn’t dare to go near him.
Daemyung subconsciously grabbed Jiyoon’s hand tightly. The act felt like he was going to be sucked in. Jiyoon also tensed her hand.
“Maru-seonbae wanted to do this kind of acting. Something that he could never do with us.”
Jiyoon spoke in a small voice. As sad as that might sound, Daemyung couldn’t help but nod. Maru, who rampaged around in front of the moonlit window, was an actor who could fill the entire hall with his presence just by himself. There were no gaps. After spending ten minutes as an uninvited audience member, Daemyung sat down and took out his notes.
“Sorry Jiyoon. I think I’ll keep watching.”
“Not at all, I want to keep watching too.”
Daemyung tensed his eyes. He moved his hands to record everything about Maru: his facial expressions, speech tones, and gestures. He momentarily stopped when he saw Jiyoon taking a video with her phone, but Daemyung thought that this was a method that suited him better. Videos contained facts. However, words contained opinions. What he needed right now was not facts, but the emotions he felt at this moment. Rather than a video, he wanted to express this moment through writing after all.
Maru rampaged around like an unleashed pony. How did he manage to hold back the boiling urge this whole time? Maru sometimes said incomprehensible stuff, but Daemyung thought that it happened because Maru was immersed in acting.
“It feels like two people are acting.”
“I’m thinking the same.”
He flipped over the page. His words filled the empty space without stopping. It was incredibly hard to transform into writing the changes occurring in the acting right before his eyes, but Daemyung did not rest. Eventually, Maru stopped before looking up at the ceiling and sighing.
“This is so goddamn hard.”
They were Maru’s words.
