Was her mother going to be late again today? – Gaeul wondered as she opened the door to the refrigerator and took out the salad she made in the morning.
Lately, her mother was spending more time outside than at home. Every weekend, she would usually be wondering whether she should be writing her novel or doing housework, but these days, she kept telling her to look after the house before quickly going out to meet someone. She wondered if it was a man, but it wasn’t like that. No, it was a man, but it was purely for work. You can look forward to it – her mother made a suspicious smile as she put on her shoes at the door. Look forward to what?
She put a slice of apple covered in mayonnaise and ketchup in her mouth before going into her room while munching on it. She turned on the power for her computer and opened the messenger program. She said hi to her friends who were online before opening a web browser.
“Is this the one we’re applying to?”
In the middle of the web portal was a banner ad about the Seoul Youth Film Festival for 2005. When she clicked on it, she was greeted by the official homepage, which had a clean blue theme. She moved her mouse cursor to the application section.
“So anyone who’s a student can apply. Oh, the actor doesn’t have to be a student, huh.”
It was split up into different categories. There was a category that only young people could participate in, and a category that adults could participate in with a topic related to youths. Gaeul looked at the bulletin board for the youth competition, but there weren’t any articles. The participating works would be displayed here after the 23rd of May, the deadline for the application, after a simple selection process. The film she shot with Maru should be one of them.
She heard that only the latter half was left now.
Gaeul pushed the walnuts in her salad to the edge of the bowl with her fork. Mayonnaise and walnuts? She thought that it was a really unfitting combination, but her mother always put in walnuts.
She put her fork down and placed her hands on the keyboard. She entered the URL for her blog and logged in. She was greeted by the main page for her blog, which she used the default theme for since she didn’t have any talent at decorating. Gaeul clicked on the ‘greetings’ section of the menu on the left side. This was a space where the visitors of her blog could leave behind some words.
-I have an opportunity to go to Daehak-ro soon. It was really hard to go since I live in Daegu, and I’m going to watch plays until I get bored of it. I hope I can see you, Black Swan.
-You haven’t been writing much for your blog recently. I guess you must be busy. I had a really interesting time reading your posts about plays, what a pity. Remember to write something when you return. Oh, my school got an acting club recently. Now I get to try acting myself with my friends.
-Black Swan. I went to the restaurant in Daehak-ro that you posted about before, and it was really good. Their curry really was different from the instant ones like you said. I hope you can recommend me more in the future.
Gaeul read each and every one of the posts before replying to them. Until she started shooting the sitcom, she came to her blog and managed it once every two days at least, but ever since she started working, she was so busy that she couldn’t log into the blog for a while.
After deleting all the advertiser comments, she wrote a new post. As the blog guaranteed anonymity, she only revealed herself as a high school girl here. When she passed the audition for the sitcom, she felt so happy that she almost wrote about it for the blog, but after contemplating for a while, she just wrote that something good had happened to her. She felt the need to be cautious since it was related to the TV media.
“Hello, it’s been a long time.”
She spoke out loud as she typed. Her habit of typing with just her index fingers and reading what she typed out loud now felt like she would never get rid of it in her lifetime. She wrote down her impressions of the play she watched with Yoojin last time before putting a period. It was a short post, but she had a hard time writing.
She checked her post one last time before posting. Although it was a small blog without a lot of visitors, she was always concerned whenever she uploaded a post. She rested her chin on her hands and read through her previous posts. There were a lot of things in the blog she created when she was in her first year of high school. When she read her old posts and saw the glee and regret she felt from her first ever play performance, as well as her future resolve and results, she ended up chuckling. You tried hard – she wanted to compliment her past self. She thought that she was only here because she didn’t give up when she was having a hard time.
A familiar name entered her eyes. It was a greeting post from two years ago, and it was written by a person with the ID ‘Maru’. It mentioned that he was happy to see a blog about acting. The two were already saying hi to each other through blogs when they hadn’t even met yet.
-We also decided to participate in the winter acting competition. Maybe we’ll meet each other there, though that’s if we both pass the preliminaries. Do your best, Black Swan.
It was the post Maru left before the winter acting competition. Thinking about it now, it was quite funny. So there could be such a coincidence.
“No, wait. I guess we did meet.”
Gaeul faintly smiled. She remembered how she went to Daehak-ro with the people from Myunghwa High’s acting club when she was in her first year. There was a boy that stared at her on the streets. Now that she thought about it, that boy was Maru. When she thought about every event that happened, she thought that there couldn’t be a weirder series of coincidences. At first, she really didn’t like how nonchalant he acted, but at one point, she realized that there was a completely different person inside, and when she realized that, she already liked him.
Gaeul tried going onto Maru’s blog. The blog entry with the huge banner ‘Life, Once Again’, was still there, however, there were no new posts starting last year. There seemed to be almost no visitors either.
Maru was busy too after all. Gaeul grinned before leaving a post in the greetings section.
-Mr. Maru. Do you know what the meaning of a black swan is? It’s the happening of something impossible. The reversal of what was perceived to be absolutely impossible. I hope everything goes well for you like a miracle.
She wondered what kind of expression Maru would have on his face when he stumbled on this later and felt proud just by thinking about it. Life’s energy didn’t come from anything special. Drinking a cup of cold water in hot weather, discovering a flower by the roadside, or even a post like this. She hoped that Maru could smile when he opened his blog again before closing the browser.
* * *
It was immediately obvious that it was a dream.
A street crossing with the paint starting to peel off, the blinking traffic lights, the students walking by while eating ice cream, a driver holding the wheel with a bored expression, a woman consoling a grumbly kid, and a man looking forward in a daze. The damp smell from the ground that was cooled off by the rain, the moderately hot weather, and the noise from a truck engine that clearly seemed like it needed maintenance. Everything was a scene from ordinary life, and despite the fact that there was nothing strange with it, he realized that this was a dream when he took in everything.
Maru quietly turned his head around. The scene he could see outside his house unfolded out in front of him. It was an ordinary scene from an ordinary day in an ordinary town in the afternoon. Maru walked when the light turned green. He did not know where he needed to go nor what he had to do, but his body walked forward without hesitation as though his steps knew of his destination.
Was this what a lucid dream was? Just in case, he tried imagining flying through the skies, but his two legs on the ground were definitely following the rules of gravity. He momentarily forgot about the movements of his two legs, which seemed to be moving on someone else’s accord, and looked around him. Why was he having a dream like this? Was his desire for ordinary life creating the dream?
“Han Maru, we’re late. Aren’t you going to run?”
A boy spoke as he brushed past him. It was Daemyung.
“Yeah. I will.”
His mouth uttered the words by itself. A smile appeared on his face. His footsteps became lighter, and the wind hitting his body became warmer. So he was on his way to school? He exited the alley and turned around at a supermarket when he saw the school in the distance.
“Seonbae, let’s go quickly.”
“We’re going to be late.”
“Quickly!”
The juniors from the acting club stood in front of him. Maru nodded and joined the group. They talked about trivial stuff like what they ate for dinner last time, what movie they enjoyed, and things like that, as they moved forward. Maru joined in on the conversation from some time onwards. I had a hard time levelling up in a game, I acquired a good item, I watched soccer throughout the night; whenever he talked, the people around him laughed.
This was the first time he had so much fun going to school. He decided not to worry about dreams or whatever. He found it too much fun talking to his friends about trivial things that he couldn’t think about anything else.
“So there, I got….”
Just as he was going to talk about what happened yesterday, a man looking at him while standing still entered his eyes. Maru knew this man, who was wearing worn-out clothes. He was Kim Seokjoon, the man he met during the street performances and led to the stage. Now, he had become an actor who played main characters in dramas with considerable skill.
But why would that man be here? Just as he thought about such a thing, Seokjoon’s clothes changed. His clothes magically turned into a full suit, but Maru didn’t find it strange since he knew it was a dream. Seokjoon’s clothes kept changing. His face was changing as well, ranging from a face that did not know the hardships of life to a really aged face.
What was curious was that Maru was too familiar with all of those faces even though he couldn’t have seen most of them. He was standing still and looking at Seokjoon when someone pulled on his arm. When he turned his head, he saw the people from the acting club, his friends, as well as the people he got to know through acting. When did they all gather?
“Let’s go, Han Maru. We should go.”
“It’s this way.”
“You should go to school since you’re a student.”
Maru slowly nodded. He had to go to school. He was a student after all. The thought that he should go to school with the brightly smiling people filled his mind, but for some reason, he couldn’t take a step. Maru turned his head around again. There was a grown up version of himself standing next to Seokjoon. Just like Seokjoon, that figure’s clothes kept changing as well. Among those clothes was the vest he wore when he was a bus driver. Next to his figure, an unfamiliar woman appeared. Again, she changed into different figures. Next to the next figure, and next to them again, different people he had never seen before appeared.
They were unfamiliar people, but for some reason, they felt familiar. It was a strange sensation he couldn’t describe with words. He had never seen them, but it felt like he did.
“Han Maru, I said we should get going.”
“Seonbae, we should go to school.”
The pulling strength became stronger. When he looked at the school gates, he wanted to forget everything and just laugh together with his friends. He felt like that was the shortcut to happiness.
However, he couldn’t take his eyes off the people standing on the other side. They were still increasing in number. Just when and where did he see them before? What was this sense of déjà vu he was having?
At that moment,
“…A rabbit?”
The cars on the road disappeared and a rabbit stood there instead. The rabbit was wearing a grey fedora and holding a pocket watch in one hand. In its other hand, it was holding a rather cute-looking staff that was black. The tip of the staff had the shape of a bird, and it seemed like a cute carving of a swan. Since it was black, it could be called a black swan.
The rabbit sniffed a few times before walking towards the people on the other side of the road, where Seokjoon and the others were standing. Maru subconsciously walked to the middle of the road. He heard his friends call out to him from behind, but for some reason, he couldn’t stop.
In the middle of the four-lane road, he regained control of his body. To his left were the people whose clothes were constantly changing, and to his right were his friends and the entrance to the school.
“Han Maru, there’s a car coming! What are you doing!”
“Seonbae! It’s dangerous over there!”
“Come here quickly! What are you doing!”
The sounds felt like they were traveling through water.
Maru felt the flow of time slowing down as he looked at both sides. Just what was this dream? The rabbit with the pocket watch walked past Seokjoon and went into an alley. Maru felt his breathing being stifled. His head started hurting, and he felt like the skies and the earth were flipping over.
At that moment, a bus appeared on the road out of nowhere. There was a metal beam stuck on the windscreen, and that metal beam had penetrated through the driver’s seat. Maru looked at the bus that slowly approached him. When the bus arrived right in front of him, Maru could see himself desperately trying to turn the wheel in the driver’s seat.
The moment the bus crashed into him, it dissipated like smoke. Maru put down his arms that he raised instinctively. Just what was happening?
As confusion kept piling up inside him, he heard a voice behind him.
He saw a man collapsed on top of a desk with piles of paperwork. The man had bled from his nose and was still as though he was dead. Maru gulped before approaching the man. The collapsed man looked familiar to him. Maru reached out and grabbed the man’s ID card, which was swaying sideways. He flipped it around with shaky hands.
‘Steel Logistics Team 1, Manager Han Maru.’
The ID card in his hands disappeared like a mirage. The collapsed man had disappeared as well. Maru looked around.
“Who?”
