Chapter 1019. Han Haneul
It was the 350th time since ‘it’ started watching the reincarnations like me. I felt a sense of kinship. That, or should I say ‘he’ from now on, was just like me. He was in a position where he would endlessly watch this meaningless world. He did not believe in the world where I was, nor the world at my feet. I started watching him after watching my husband and Han Haneul for a while. He kept calling out to my husband, repeating words that would never reach him.
I thought he was foolish as I watched his endless efforts. It was like trying to start a fire on top of water. It was like wishing for fish to fall from the sky. I had watched my husband for a time that could not be counted. I tried talking to him multiple times but never had I gotten an answer. The only time I could talk to him was when he died and I guided him to the next. How much longer would ‘he’, who split off from my husband, repeat such meaningless action? Maybe he’ll give up by the time he gives up counting like me.
* * *
The 400th reincarnation with him began. At the same time, ‘he’ put on a mask. Why did he put on something like that when there was no one to show? I watched as my husband’s life continued and at the same time, watched the masked he. He was still calling out to my husband. It couldn’t be called a conversation as it was akin to talking to a wall. I named him ‘Han Maru’ from a certain time onwards. Just like I differentiated the person at my feet ‘Han Haneul’ separate from me, I classified him as a different person from my husband.
Han Maru kept calling out while watching my husband’s life. It seemed he wasn’t tired of it. Perhaps it was a way he found to forget the solitude. I also talked to myself a lot until about the 1000th reincarnation. I felt like I would go crazy if I didn’t do so.
It was when my husband died and I was moving to prepare the procedures. I made eye contact with the Han Maru protecting my dead husband’s side. I thought it was a coincidence. He was definitely not among the living but nor was he given a duty by god, like I was. I was suddenly curious. If this game ends one day, what would happen to that Han Maru?
* * *
His 408th reincarnation. Han Maru started tracking my position with his eyes. It was not a coincidence. He was cognizant of me. It was a sensation I truly hadn’t felt in a long time. A life where another person exists. Just knowing that there was someone other than me made the emotions known as happiness return to me. Honestly, even if it was a serial killer with dozens of murders, I would feel happy. That was just how lonely I am. I approached Han Maru, who was watching my husband. I tried calling him on the boundary between life and death.
“Is that a person over there?”
I was given a reply.
* * *
Han Maru’s 409th reincarnation. I talked to Han Maru for a long time. Our conversation only ended when my husband was about to reach his death and go back to the past again. I prepared the 410th reincarnation. Han Maru watched as I sought agreement from Han Haneul and returned my husband to the past. It seemed that my husband could not see Han Maru.
“So you have repeated this all this time,” Han Maru said.
He did not want me to treat him like my husband. He seemed to be Han Maru, yet he wanted to be a separate entity from Han Maru. I could only imagine that it was a sensitive situation related to the original. Before I was swept away by the sense of powerlessness, I also thought a lot when I looked at the Han Haneul living below me. Just who is the ‘real’ one?
“Wasn’t it hard?”
“Everything’s relative. In a world where there’s nothing to compare, the concept of hardship disappears. I just became a being that’s no different from air. I just exist here, to the point where I am about to forget why I began this in the first place.”
“That sounds sad.”
“Sad is a word I haven’t heard in a long time. But still, I’m glad to have someone to talk to. If it weren’t for you, I would truly have become a non-living being.”
He smiled and fixed his mask. He, who was Han Maru, yet not Han Maru. I, who was Han Haneul, yet not Han Haneul. The thought that we were a pair of twisted people flashed through my head.
“It’s strange for me to say this, but you really are the prettiest when you smile, Miss Haneul. You’re pretty when you don’t have an expression, but my preferences vote for the smiling side.”
Hearing his words, I touched my lips. I was smiling. When was the last time I smiled? Rather than that, when was the last time I heard someone else call my name? I did not look down at the world for the first time since this game began. I did not mind how the world below me unfolded and solely looked at the Han Maru in front of my eyes.
“You’re someone who always puts me in difficulty.”
I cried. I was happy, sad, and angry. The emotions that had disappeared a long time ago all poked their heads up. I didn’t know how long I had cried. There was a hand that carefully grabbed mine.
“I’m sorry you had to go through this because of me,” Han Maru said as he looked at my husband studying in the world below.
I shook my head. This was a path I chose to take.
“But don’t worry. I feel like it’s going to end soon,” Han Maru said.
“What do you mean, feels like it’s going to end?”
“There was one question I had ever since I gained consciousness. Why did I fall off from Mr. Han Maru? They say there’s a reason for everything. There’s a reason you’re experiencing this too. Not until long ago, I was pondering in order to find that reason. Then I found the answer. No, they told me the answer.”
They. I immediately thought about the higher-ups that the grim reaper told me about. Han Maru took off his mask. He looked alternately at my husband and Han Haneul with a warm smile on his face.
“I am a bell, used to wake someone up from a long dream.”
“Dream?”
“You told me, didn’t you? That the game is bound to end. That will be my role.”
His words were incomprehensible. I grabbed him and urged him to tell me more. At that moment, the world turned black. I realized that the will of the higher-ups had blocked any progress of this conversation. The black curtain lifted. Han Maru put on his mask and spoke,
“Anyway, you don’t need to worry anymore. This will probably be the last time.”
Han Maru returned by my husband’s side. I watched the last time as I looked at the two.
* * *
My husband died as always. I received confirmation from Han Haneul and guided my husband to this world. It was the beach we visited a lot. I put on a clean white shirt and waited for him to wake up.
“You’re awake. I was just about to wake you up.”
“This is….”
“You’ll know where you are in a second. Just think.”
My husband spoke,
“So I died.”
“Yes, you did.”
“Are you an angel?”
“Sort of. Some call me an angel, others the grim reaper. Titles aren’t very important though. What I’m about to say now is.”
I walked forward to the parasol in the middle of the sandy beach.
“Please, sit.”
“Oh, okay,” he said as he sat down.
“Mr. Han, you died precisely on October 3rd, 11:23:14. Do you remember how you died?”
“Yes.”
The words I repeated tens of thousands of times occurred once again. This time, I gave him my grandmother’s name as a hint. Yoo Bokja. I also mixed in a small lie so that he wouldn’t be able to remember the memories of his previous life. The higher-ups did not permit telling him the truth.
After the explanation ended, I sent my husband off. Then I looked at Han Maru, who was by my side. Last time, he told me that this would be the last.
“You’ll see soon.”
I fixed my eyes on him, who was following my husband. I thought back to the words that the grim reaper told me a long time ago: that my husband will find out the victory conditions, and that was why, this game would definitely end in one form or another. Han Maru said that he was a bell. Was that related to the conditions that the grim reaper told me about?
My husband’s life began again. It was no different from before. He entered the acting club. It was a pattern that happened frequently. He would probably become an actor. He might just become a nameless actor, or he might become a top star. Actually, the conclusion wasn’t that important, life would just repeat itself anyway.
Then I saw. The impossible turned into the possible. Han Maru and my husband were talking. He managed to interrupt my husband’s life. It was unbelievable. He must be in the same state as me.
He sometimes lent my husband help and sometimes cooperated in order to guide him down the right path. It wasn’t a proactive interference, and my husband didn’t even notice, but as someone watching from above, I could tell. Han Maru… the masked man’s actions and words were driving my husband towards a certain choice.
