Chapter 1013. Han Haneul
Gaeul felt hostility the moment she saw that face. It wasn’t that she was displeased because a stranger suddenly called out to her. Something that she could only explain as instinct made her bare her fangs at the woman.
“Do you know me?”
“I do, Miss Han Gaeul.”
“I’m sorry, but I’m not in the mood to talk right now.”
Before she could even finish, the woman approached her. They were close enough to feel each other’s breathing. Gaeul realized that the woman’s eyes were red.
“If you could turn back time, if you could do something like that, what would you do?”
What was this woman saying? It was exhausting to talk to her. She picked up her phone and stood up. She turned around to find the door to leave, but she didn’t see the door. All four sides were closed off.
“If you could return time to see Mr. Han Maru again, what would you do?”
Gaeul placed her hand on the wall as she listened to the woman’s words. It was not a dream. The wall disappeared. She turned around to look at the woman. The woman had a face that she could not read a shred of emotion from. A dream again? Would she find herself in the break room if she opened her eyes? When she thought about that, a smile formed on her lips. Did her subconscious desperately wishing for a miracle create an illusion like this?
“Miss Han Gaeul, what would you do?”
“Are you even asking that as a question?”
“Yes, it’s a question. If you could turn back time to bring Mr. Han Maru back to life again, will you do it?”
“Yes. Of course I will. I’ll do anything.”
“Is that so?”
“Do it. Turn back time or whatever and bring that person back to life. Can you? Not in a dream, but in reality? Can you return that person back to my side?”
She could only laugh. This dream was worse than a nightmare. Gaeul knew how terrible a possibility without hope could be. She wished to wake up from her dream and started breathing slowly.
“Please answer me seriously. Do you really want to do so?”
“Why, you need my soul or something? Then take it. Or what, do you need something else too?”
“No, that’s okay. It’s fine as long as I have your words of conviction. So you truly wish for that person to return.”
“Yes, I do. I wish for that to happen. I want that person to be not hurt. I want that person to be breathing again.”
The woman nodded.
“We always make the same choice, not knowing what kind of consequences it will bring. For now, okay. You may leave.”
The woman flicked her hand. The disappeared door appeared in front of her eyes. Gaeul felt confused. She couldn’t tell if it was a dream or reality. She pulled the door open. Bada was standing outside.
“Unni?”
Gaeul turned around. The woman was no longer there. She put her hand against her forehead and sighed. She had heard that lack of sleep induces decreased cognition and hallucinations, and it seemed to be true.
“I’ll go back now.”
“Don’t say that, and get some more rest.”
“I had plenty of rest. And also, I want to stay by Maru’s side.”
Gaeul went to the memorial altar with Bada. She saw Maru’s photo behind the large pile of chrysanthemums. This was no dream. It was the harsh reality.
* * *
The cremation ended. His body disappeared into the fire. He became a name that was no longer callable and went to a faraway place. It was impossible to recall his body while just looking at that small jar. How can a person fit inside that? — such a question floated around in her head. Maru’s ashes were buried under a small tree. His father, who had never shown any tears until the end of the funeral, started crying his heart out while clutching the ground to the point that his nails were ripped off. Gaeul did not dare cry. The density of their tears was different. Even the pain of having the majority of her body ripped off should be nothing compared to the sadness felt by family.
Gaeul stood in front of the door and inputted the pinlock. She typed in the passcode that was a combination of their birthdays. She heard the door unlock. As long as she turned the doorknob and pulled the door, the door would open. However, she could not. Objects that signified his absence would be placed inside the house. She was afraid to see those. She felt like everything would be truly over then.
She took several deep breaths before barely managing to open the door. She could not see the dogs that would usually rush over in excitement. Only then did she remember that Suyeon, who lived upstairs, had taken them. She took off her shoes and went inside. She had only been out for a few days. Only a few days, and yet it felt like someone else’s house.
Gaeul stood in the middle of the living room and looked around slowly. It looked like a well-crafted model house. It was decorated like it was being lived in by a person, but no one actually lived there. She went to the bedroom. The messy duvet felt like fossil. She felt like events that only occurred a few days ago had now become a thing of the distant past.
She opened the closet. Maru’s clothes were neatly lined up. Gaeul grabbed the sleeve of the coat that he used to wear a lot. She put it against her nose and took a whiff. The smell of naphthalene had long since erased all of his body odor. The concept of being ‘absent’ hit her head more intensely than any other time. Gaeul buried her face in the bedsheet. The cries that she suppressed in front of his family escaped through the cracks of her lips. No matter how much she cried, she was not able to feel better. In fact, it was painful as though she was being scratched by a hard nail.
When she came to herself and stood up, it was already past 10 at night. She couldn’t think about what she had to do in the future nor how she should live on. When she was looking at her face in the mirror, her phone vibrated. It was the president.
-For now, I’ve canceled all of your schedule for this week. I’ll hear the details later, so you should take care of yourself for now. But I can’t cancel the commercials scheduled next week. I don’t have a choice even if I may sound cruel to you. You’re a pro, aren’t you?”
A pro. Gaeul was about to reply that she didn’t want to be one. She didn’t want to do anything. She wanted to do absolutely nothing. If she did not see the photo that she took with Maru, she might have ended the call there.
“Can’t you postpone it a little more?”
-Okay. I’ll try my best. So get yourself together. Those that went have left, and the living should live on. Only then will the ones that have passed away feel at ease.”
“Can the dead feel at ease?”
-Don’t expect too much from a typical consolation. I know. I know that no words will be able to heal the loss of a loved one. That’s why I’m only doing the things I can do for you. I’ll try to delay it for two weeks. I can’t do any more than that.”
“Sorry for acting like a child.”
-Anyone becomes a child when they experience something for the first time. Get some rest.
Gaeul put her phone down and lay down on bed. The living should live on — these words reverberated in her mind. How could she? — such a thought crossed her mind, but she also felt tragic, feeling that she would end up living on anyway. She also recalled Maru’s last words: It’s not your fault. Did he realize that things would become like this? Did he say such things because the frail her would decide to do something foolish and dangerous?
“Why did it have to be you?”
If she took a step faster, the one hit by the car would not be Maru, but her. Gaeul stood up. The face she had forgotten about came to her mind again. Kang Giwoo. Gaeul had seen clearly that he had a big smirk on his face inside the car that hit Maru. It was absolutely intentional. However, the news was wrapping it up as a mistake. Exposing his true self and giving him social damage was meaningless. That was too lenient of a punishment.
Gaeul wiped her eyes. She had to meet him and hear his story. She had to listen to what that smirk meant.
“Are you going to kill him or something?”
The woman had appeared in front of her. Gaeul gasped and flinched back.
“How did you come in here?”
“That’s a trivial problem. Don’t mind that, and let’s go through the procedure.”
“What are you saying? What is this procedure?”
“Miss Han Gaeul. This is no dream. This is the strict truth. And I’m here to fulfill your dream.”
“My dream?”
“You told me, haven’t you? That you wanted to turn back time and bring Mr. Han Maru back to life. That you truly wanted to do so.”
Gaeul clenched her eyes shut before opening them again. The woman was still there. Did she finally go crazy? was she not able to differentiate between reality and illusion?
“You are not crazy, and this is no dream.”
“Are you telling me to believe you?”
“Don’t you think it’s better if it’s a dream instead? Mr. Han Maru might be alive if you wake up.”
“Watch your mouth.”
“Interesting. You think it’s an illusion, yet you’re quarreling with someone inside it. However, you should be feeling that this moment where I’m talking with you is nothing near a vain dream that would end when you wake up. Well, then. Let me ask you one final time. Say it with all your heart. Say it with desperation. What do you want to do?”
A laughter escaped her mouth. If this was not a dream, then what was it? Gaeul looked at the woman. The woman with burning red eyes smiled as though to urge her to answer.
“If that’s possible, then do it.”
“Won’t you regret it?”
“Regret it? I can take anything. No matter what the consequences, I will do it with a smile, if such a miracle can happen.”
“Good. I have your resolution, so let’s go through the procedure.”
Gaeul shook her head. She wanted this unfunny situation, this false dream, to end. However, no matter how much she shook her head, no matter how much she pinched her thighs, the woman in front of her did not disappear, even though she clearly felt the pain.
“I told you, haven’t I? This is as real as it can get. Well then, here we start once again. Can you tell me your name?”
“My name?”
She felt like she was stepping into a completely different place from the life she had lived until now. It was a sense of elevation that she could not explain clearly. A sense of expectation that it might actually come true broke through her hardened heart. How happy would she be if this woman’s words came true? She put aside the whispers of reason telling her that such a thing is not possible before replying,
“Han Gaeul.”
“That’s your stage name.”
“Ah, yes.”
She was about to speak again, but the woman spoke first,
“My name is Han Haneul. That’s a name you’re familiar with, isn’t it?”
Gaeul’s mouth was slightly agape. She was in a daze as though she was hit on the back of her head. She had a closer look at the woman’s face. At that moment she was able to know the truth behind her reflexive hostility from their first encounter. The woman looked similar to her. No, she didn’t just look similar. The woman was her.
“Isn’t that right, Miss Han Haneul?” the woman said as she reached her hand out.
She was smiling, but her smile was very bitter.
KTLChamber’s Thoughts
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Editor’s Note:
There it is, the name drop after over 1k chapters.
—
After seeing two advance chapter readers asking and researching the significance of their names, allow me to explain.
Now, this is mostly a subjective interpretation on my(the translator’s) part, so take it with a grain of salt.
1. The surname ‘Han’
The word (not the surname) ‘Han’ has the meaning of ‘resent, grief, sorrow,’ just as SicaiiNPC mentions below.
However, there are many more different interpretations of ‘Han’ as well. It can mean ‘one’ (한 개) or even ‘limit’ (극한).
This does NOT mean, however, that Maru and Haneul’s surname ‘Han’ signifies one of those meanings.
In fact, the surname ‘Han’ is a common surname in Korea, and I dare say that the author has no intentions by simply surnaming the two characters ‘Han.’
It’s like naming a character ‘John Smith’ and having that character’s ancestry of running a smithy having a significance in the story.
2. The name ‘Haneul’
‘Haneul’ means ‘sky,’ This by itself, might have no significance, but that changes when you bring ‘Maru’ into play.
The word ‘Maru’ in Korean, is commonly mistakenly taken as another word for ‘sky,’ which would mean that the two people have names that have the same meaning.
Which… would explain their fates? <- this is up to your interpretation. I will not have a say in this.
The ‘sky’ meaning of Maru, is actually a common misconception, as I said above, and actually does NOT mean ‘sky’
The word ‘Maru’ is generally considered to have two meanings.
1. The ‘floor’ of a building
In this case, I do not believe there’s a significance, which brings me to
2. The ‘peak’ of a mountain, tidal wave, roof, or even a ‘mathematical’ wave (like a sine wave)
Which could signify that the peak of a mountain can never reach the sky? Or they can never be connected? Again, this is up to your interpretation. I will not say anything.
Hope that helps.
