“Uncle Fireball, I think you’re the one who will get shot by Shu Sha.”
I said to Uncle Fireball after we moved into the bedroom and closed the door.
“Nonsense, why would my niece want to kill me.” Uncle Fireball was indignant, “I taught Sha Sha how to shoot, and I’m her uncle, so wouldn’t it be ungrateful for her to kill me?”
I put on a derisive smile on my face, “Uncle Fireball, so you making Shu Zhe cross-dress and serve you as a maid is a good thing?”
Uncle Fireball looked ashamed for a second, before thinking for a moment and making excuses for himself: “I just wanted to somehow vent my anger, so I thought I could get rid of my anger by messing with Shu Zhe a bit…”
“Really?” I asked, “I heard from Shu Zhe that you were browsing online for lubricant and enema devices, don’t tell me you’re thinking about screwing Shu Zhe’s ass? The most unforgivable act was that you didn’t look at my family’s online!”
“If you’re going to buy it anyway, then buy it from our family’s store.”
I carelessly entered shopkeeper mode again.
“Buy it from your store?” Uncle Fireball glared at me, “My right arm became like this because I bought your counterfeit products.”
“Uncle Fireball, take it easy.” I said calmly because of my heart condition, “Except for the early counterfeit items, all of the later goods were all sent to you by Shu Zhe. Strictly speaking, what you bought wasn’t ‘my family’s’ goods, but your ‘own family’s’ goods.”
Uncle Fireball frowned, “Then why was it always your address on the shipping label? Wouldn’t I have already discovered a problem if I saw my nephew’s home address?”
“Uncle Fireball, calm down~~~ otherwise your IQ is going to drop ~~~” I calmly took a sip of water, “The stuff Shu Zhe sent you got worse and worse. He can deliberately choose a time when his sister wasn’t home for the courier to pickup the package, but what if there was something wrong and it had to be returned? It would be bad if it was found by his sister.”
“So we wrote my home shipping address, and left my contact information, so I will deal with all the follow-up questions and problems.”
“Also, Uncle Fireball, why didn’t you say how the delivery address you used wasn’t the forest cabin?” I said, “The address you used was the town at the foot of the mountain, you even let someone else receive it on your behalf. I can’t believe you would let someone else receive these kinds of items…”
Uncle Fireball began to complain:
“No delivery person was willing to climb up the mountain to the forest cabin! Also, who would be responsible if the package was eaten by a bear? The first Tenga cup I ordered was thrown at the foot of the mountain by the courier and they told me to go down the mountain to pick it up myself. When I arrived, half the packaging had been ripped open by monkeys!”
Damn, monkey evolve so fast. Centuries of human wisdom was condensed into a high-tech cup and was almost used first by a monkey.
“That’s why I asked Lao Liu from the hotel to collect it for me. A lot of mountain ginseng I dig up is sold to him, he’s simply not interested in anything else other than medicine that can increase qi.”
After we complained to each other for half a day, we realized that we were both responsible, and neither was completely innocent.
“Ye Lin.” Uncle Fireball looked at his own wedding photo that was on the wall said, “I think we’re both stuck in the same boat and neither of us can run.”
“Huh, what do you mean.”
“Tsk, and you say I have a low IQ.” Uncle Fireball knocked on the bedside table, “My brother only has one son, Shu Zhe. Sha Sha only has Shu Zhe as her brother. Now because of us, we made Shu Zhe wear women’s underwear which cultivated his strange hobby, so now two men are competing to be his girlfriend…”
“It’s three men.” I held out a finger to remind him, “There is also a taekwondo practictioner called Tang Jiang, but he doesn’t know Shu Zhe is a man for the time being.”
“Do you have death wish?” Uncle Fireball was provoked by the growth in the number of suitors, “If Sha Sha knew her brother was being chased by three men, and we were the originators, what would she do?”
“Would she really shoot us?” I asked.
“Why not?” Uncle Fireball slapped thigh, “I know Sha Sha’s personality the best. She loves to spoil her brother, if she found out I didn’t make him manlier, but also…”
Uncle Fireball’s words also made me feel guilty: back then when I tricked Shu Zhe into being a rope model, I told the class leader I was going to train Shu Zhe, so that he would reach the average athletic standards.
In the end, he never achieved the average standard, but he was able to get three men chasing after him, a record that would even make many girls jealous and want to cry.
The class leader would also cry when she finds out the truth. It would not be tears of jealousy, but tears of blood.
“I can’t believe you turned our family’s only boy into this, I will punish you on behalf of the Shu family’s ancestors!”
“Bang!” “Bang!”
After two gunshots, Uncle Fireball and I would fall to the ground, but the class leader wouldn’t feel joy at all after getting revenge. Because her brother was now dating six men every day and receiving enough gifts to fill up several empty rooms.
I had to admit that Uncle Fireball was right, if Shu Zhe’s current state was known by his sister, both me and Uncle Fireball would be out of luck, there would be an 80% of being slaughtered by Shu Sha.
I suddenly remembered, I brought Xiao Ding and Fan Chuan over today, not only to prevent Shu Zhe from being screwed in the ass, but also to eliminate the danger hanging over the head of the class leader.
So I said seriously: “Uncle Fireball, you’re a lolicon, right.”
“No, I’m not that much of a lolicon…” in this regard, Uncle Fireball was not as straightforward as Director Cao.
“Just a little bit wouldn’t work.” I suddenly raised my voice, “When Shu Sha went to the forest are when she was 12 years old, did you ever take advantage of her when you taught her how to use a gun?”
Uncle Fireball’s face immediately changed colors, “I… how can I lay my hands on my own niece. At that time, I still have not learned how to use a computer, so I at most only patted Sha Sha’s head.”
“What about now?” I pressed on, “Now that you have degenerated into a pervert, have you ever thought of putting your hands on Shu Sha? I don’t think she would put up her guard against you since she thinks of you as her very respectable uncle.”
“I…” large beads of sweat appeared on Uncle Fireball’s face and his brow wrinkled.
“I also feel ashamed of becoming a disgrace, I could only blame the Japanese and the Americans for producing too much internet porn, but… I’m Sha Sha’s own uncle, so I would never do anything bad to her. I want to maintain my image at least in front of Sha Sha.”
I was slightly reassured after hearing his sincerity, then half-jokingly asked: “Uncle Fireball, you’re actually afraid of Shu Sha’s gun, right?”
The class leader had made it clear before that if she was violated, she would definitely not bear the humiliation and remain silent, but to call the police, and if the law could not give her justice, she would seek justice herself with her gun.
“Don’t look down on me.” Uncle Fireball said seriously, “Although Sha Sha’s gun is indeed very scary, that’s not the reason why I won’t lay my hands on her. If I actually did it, what would I say to her parents, my older brother and my sister-in-law?”
“Um…” although I wanted to praise Uncle Fireball for still having some conscience, I still spit out: “So if you’re not going to put your hands on Shu Sha, but it’s fine to put them on Shu Zhe?”
“How can that be the same?” Uncle Fireball glared at me and said, “Traps don’t get pregnant.”
Dman, you’re thinking about making Shu Zhe pregnant? It looks like if I didn’t come to the rescue today, you would have really screwed Shu Zhe in the ass. I breathed a sigh of relief since it didn’t seem like the class leader was in any danger, I didn’t care too much about Shu Zhe’s behind anymore…
“Uncle Fireball…” I tapped the dresser with my fingertips, “So you really did buy lubricant and enema tools online! They should be delivered to your door soon, right?”
“I didn’t buy those things.” Uncle Fireball denied it, “I did browse for it online, but I didn’t buy any.”
“Then what did you buy? What was the ‘surprise’ that you told Shu Zhe you were going to give after dinner?”
“It’s not a surprise if I say it beforehand.”
“It must be something worse… it must be so bad my family’s online store doesn’t even sell it and you have to buy it from someone else.”
I still have a grudge against Uncle Fireball for buying from someone else’s store.
“Only idiots will continue to buy things from your store, I was already tricked big time and you think I still haven’t learned my lesson?”
Speak of the devil, as I was discussing the delivery with Uncle Fireball, the doorbell rang and along with it came a young man’s voice saying, “Delivery.”
As if he was worried about me trying to grab the delivery, Uncle Fireball quickly got up and went to the living room to open the door. Fan Chuan and Xiao Ding also poked their heads out of Shu Zhe’s bedroom to check on the situation.
If it was the old me, I’m sure I would have rushed to the front to grab the delivery, but now due to heart problems I had to pay attention and reduce unnecessary actions.
Also, who knows if it’s pay on delivery or not? Why would I pay money for the tools you want to use for you to screw Shu Zhe.
After Uncle Fireball signed, the courier had to leave to make the next delivery. Me, Fan Chuan, Xiao Ding, the three of us surrounded Uncle Fireball and waited for him to open the delivery.
“Uncle Fireball, hurry up and open the delivery and let us see what it is.”
“That’s right, Su DongPo, hurry up and open the package. I’ll know what you had in mind for Xiao Hong if I look at the contents.”
“If it is lubricant and an enema device, then I, Fan Chuan, will immediately whoop your ass.”
