“Sei… I… I don’t want to die…” Zaki cried, as he pulled at his hair. Sei sat there and just listened, his hands clenched into tight fists.
“I don’t want to hurt her but I still ended up hurting her. She cried and was in pain because of me.” Zaki was extremely emotional. He felt his heart ripping apart and there was no sign of the pain subsiding. He thought that he could endure the pain in his chest but he didn’t know that he could never handle seeing Hinari cry. The pain was worse than he ever imagined.
When he promised to protect her from anything and anyone who wanted to harm her, he never thought that he would have to protect her from himself.
He thought that he would never waver from the decision he made. This was what he decided since a long time ago and he already accepted his fate. But now, he found that he was battling with himself on whether he should stay or go. Never in his life had he had to make a decision like this because all that mattered to him before was Sei’s safety.
But then Hinari came barging into his life, banging on the iron door that protected his heart, with a battle axe and eventually settled in, like she belonged there in the first place.
Zaki didn’t even know when she became someone so special to him. He never thought he would ever feel like this. He never once thought he would cry like this. He never once thought that one day he would beg for his life because of her.
The reason why Zaki never did anything in almost six years of their engagement was because he was waiting for Hinari to give up on him. He never opened up to her because he wanted her to get tired of him, get sick of him, hate him and eventually leave him for good. But it didn’t happen. Despite these long six years, Hinari never left him. She never gave up on him. She clung to him instead and was stubborn in not letting him go.
She was like a beautiful ball of light, relentlessly chasing after him no matter much he ran away from her. She was a weak looking woman but her light was strong enough to forcefully awaken his desire to live before he even realized what was happening.
“Sei… I want to live longer…” Zaki’s lips trembled as he said those words. This was the first time Sei had heard Zaki say that he wanted to live longer.
Truth be told, Sei never thought that Zaki would break down like this. When they both found out about his expected lifespan, Zaki had easily accepted it back then and he actually even approved of his early calling card which enraged Sei at the time.
Back then, Zaki didn’t even flinch when he heard about it. He just felt as though it was something that was meant to happen. He thought that he wouldn’t ever be a normal human being anyway. He thought that by that time, Sei wouldn’t need his protection anymore so he didn’t mind dying at a young age. Back then, Zaki believed that his only purpose in living was to protect Sei and now that Sei wasn’t in danger anymore, he no longer had a purpose for his life.
However, things slowly changed as he found himself slowly falling in love with Hinari. He wanted more. More time with her to experience everything that life could give. He wanted to marry her and live with her and to raise a family together. He wanted more time so that he could give her everything she could ever want. He wanted to watch her sleep for countless more nights. He wanted to hold her tight in his arms without holding back. He wanted to treat her better. He wanted to dote on her. He wanted to experience how it felt to be lost in the world of nothing but love. But that was not an option. There was no cure and Hinari didn’t deserve any more pain.
That night, Sei didn’t leave Zaki’s side. They sat outside, side by side as Sei gently patted his shoulder.
