Translator: Nyoi-Bo Studio Editor: Nyoi-Bo Studio
While Tony Twain and his young wife Shania were romantically enjoying each other’s company and were also trying their hardest to create a human being, Carl Spicer, on the other hand, was leading a depressing life.
One of the things that made him feel depressed was how he had publicly addressed Ibišević as a ‘Bosnian refugee’. His words were deemed to be racist, and he had to recite an apology letter during his show due to the different kinds of pressure that were weighing down on him.
It was supposed to be an ‘apology’ letter, but he did not mention the word ‘sorry’ in it.
This showed how reluctant he was to do an apology.
Right after that, Ibišević, who Spicer had mocked without restraint all this while, had scored in the league. To make matters worse, he had scored three in one go! The way he scored the goals was akin to a monk who saw a beautiful naked woman after 30 years of abstinence. He was unstoppable.
That was not the end. During the post-match interview with the press, the man of the match had said that his celebratory move was to ‘slap someone in the face’. Even a fool would know who that ‘someone’ was.
One can easily imagine how Spicer’s face would be slapped over and over again in front of the masses as long as Ibišević continued to score goals from here on out.
That was definitely not something that would make a person feel good.
What was even more depressing was how he could not retaliate, or even rebut, despite being slapped in the face.
Who asked that he had made a wager with the fox Tony Twain, and had also arrogantly derided Ibišević in his show?
Now the ‘master’ and the ‘disciple’ were both teaming up to get revenge on him.
It could be regarded as retribution…
He has had his tail between his legs during this period of time.
At the same time, he has also been on the lookout to see when Tony Twain would get into trouble again, so that he has the opportunity stage a counterattack.
He tried not to touch on any topics related to Nottingham Forest for the past two episodes of his show. He talked about a number of things, such as how Ferguson brought up his plans to retire once again. He also talked about Arsenal’s gifted youth players and how Rijkaard was seemingly unable to get used to life in England. But, the things he avoided talking about were Tony Twain and his Nottingham Forest, as well as the ‘Bosnian refugee’.
However, there will always be people who like watching him talk about Tony Twain and who are unwilling to remain idle…
※※※
On Monday, when Carl Spicer had just reported to work, he found an e-mail in his inbox. The title read, ‘Dear Mr. Carl Spicer, I’d like to provide a bit of gossip regarding Tony Twain’.
The sender wrote that he was someone living in Nottingham. One time, he had boarded the bus and was on his way to do some shopping when he noticed, much to his surprise, that Tony Twain and his wife had boarded the same bus as him. The two were all smiles as they went downtown to shop. The sender abandoned his shopping plans and stalked the pair for an entire afternoon. He captured numerous photos of them with his mobile phone and had only stopped when the couple went back home.
News about celebrities out to do shopping were nothing extraordinary. No matter how bored Carl Spicer might be, he would not attack Tony Twain for going out to shop. However, what interested both him and the informant was that Tony Twain had not driven a car when he had gone out to do shopping with his supermodel wife. Instead, he had chosen to board the bus, which was an accessible mode of transport typically used by commoners.
Carl Spicer thought the same way as the informant. This incident was something that he could use to deride Twain.
The informant introduced himself as a fan of Notts County. Nottingham Forest was his club’s arch-nemesis, hence, the more proud and well-off their arch nemesis becomes, the more irritated Notts County fans become as well. This meant that there were at least half of the people in Nottingham who supported Carl Spicer…
Spicer downloaded all the photos that were attached to the e-mail, and began going through each and every of them.
The informant might have secretly taken all those photos, but he apparently had good skills, because the photos were all clear and there was very little motion blur in them. He was able to clearly see Twain and Shania chatting away happily on the bus in the photos. The two had donned sunglasses, but even an idiot could recognize who they were.
The couple did not seem to mind the looks of astonishment from those around them, and they continued getting intimate on the bus as though no one was around.
Carl Spicer looked at the photos and smiled.
He thought of a brilliant way to hit back at Twain in his show.
※※※
Carl Spicer’s big cartoon head popped up on the screen, accompanied by a relaxing and wacky music as the latest episode of ‘Football Matters’ aired.
In the first half of the show, Carl Spicer discussed about the recent and interesting events that had happened in the England footballing scene as he had always done in the past. He still avoided talking about Tony Twain, and also did not mention the latest draw results of the Champions League.
Everything was normal and there was nothing different from how his show had been like in the past.
Towards the end of the show, Spicer concluded his discussions related to football and began talking about the status of England’s public transport industry to his audience.
Don’t look down on all these information of his that he was using as a part of his build-up towards what he really wanted to say next. They were all information that he had gathered after doing research for numerous days.
“… Oil prices have soared at the moment. Most people are unable to drive their cars even if they own one. Under such circumstances, there have been numerous wealthy people who have also begun to consider making use of a different mode of transport to travel around…” He was about to go into the main point of this entire discussion. “For example, our friend, Mr. Tony Twain… Has recently ditched his 130,000 pound Mercedes jeep behind, and had taken the bus with his wife.”
A photo that had been taken by the informant showed up on the screen. The scene of Tony Twain and Shania having a chat on the bus appeared before the public.
Subsequently, Carl Spicer picked up an item from the table, and dangled it before the camera. “The combined salaries of a manager who has a yearly salary of 2,700,000 pounds, and his supermodel wife whose salary we do not know of, but it can only be higher than his, cannot afford the rising oil prices. It goes to show how much the fuel prices have soared! As a friend who is concerned about Tony Twain, I have decided to give Twain a birthday present.”
He pointed at the item in his hand and said earnestly, “This is the annual pass for Nottingham’s bus services. It is priced at 640 pounds. I believe this will be able to help ease your financial burdens. A day later the courier will help me deliver this right to your hands. Happy birthday, Mr. Twain! Haha!”
He had kept a deadpan expression the entire time, but he finally could hold it in no longer and led out a laugh.
The credits began flashing by the screen right then, and the episode ended with his laughter.
He had finally found a way to hit back at Twain, but when the show ended, Spicer felt like his mockery lacked something. It felt a little reserved…
Things would have been perfect if Twain did not own a car, because he would have been able to mock how he had earned so much money, but would not spend the money buying a car for himself and would rather squeeze on the bus with his wife.
All he could mock Twain about right now was his reluctance to spend money purchasing fuel for his car. However, the truth was that in England, oil prices were truly quite expensive, and there were quite a number of people who chose to take the public transport during the weekdays despite owning a car. They would only drive their cars during the weekends when they bring their families out to play.
This current situation in England made his mockery lack a bit of punch.
※※※
A day later, Twain really received the annual pass at his doorstep. The pass came with a handwritten note from Carl Spicer,
“Happy Birthday, Mr. Twain! I hope this present of mine is able to lessen some of your financial burdens! Yours Sincerely, Your Best Friend, Carl Spicer.”
Twain has never watched any of Spicer shows.
Wouldn’t I just be torturing myself if I watched the shows knowing full well that they were shows to scold me?
Thus, he did not make sense of what was going on initially. He only understood what had happened when he drove over to Wilford.
Pierce Brosnan greeted Twain as he approached him. “Carl Spicer has scolded you in his show once again.”
Twain was not the least bit surprised. “He finally found an excuse?”
Brosnan nodded his head. “Someone secretly took a photo of you and Shania when the two of you had boarded the bus to go out to shop. He used that as the pretext to deride that you were a penny-pincher.”
Twain remembered the annual pass that he had received earlier. “So that’s what happened…”
“Do you want to say something to hit back at him?” The reason for Brosnan’s interest was because every time Twain raged a war with Spicer, the sales of Nottingham Evening Post would rise significantly.
Twain nodded his head and decided to publish a few sentences scolding Spicer in his column. He had intended it as his way of repaying Brosnan for providing him with information regarding George Wood earlier.
However, after thinking about it some more, he realized that it was meaningless to just publish a few sentences to scold Spicer. If he really wanted to publish something, he should make sure he gets to scold him a lot more.
Mr. Carl Spicer, do you think you can stump me with just these petty tricks of yours?
You want to anger me?
I think you are still very inexperienced. I will show you how it’s done!
Therefore, he shook his head afterwards. “Not this time round.”
Brosnan looked a little disappointed.
“I will call you over to take some photos for me a few days later.” Twain patted him on the shoulder and walked into the training grounds.
“He looks like he doesn’t care about what happened at all…” A reporter who was following Brosnan as an intern came up to him after seeing that Twain had left. He had initially been standing a distance away from both of them.
“If you were quarrelling with your girlfriend on a daily basis, then you wouldn’t think much about another quarrel either.” Brosnan turned around and told the intern in the tone of someone who has worked in the industry much longer than him.
※※※
Two days later, Brosnan received a call from Twain asking him to bring his camera over to Mapperley.
Brosnan rushed over excitedly, but was shocked by what he saw once he reached the designated spot.
Twain stood beside a humongous object and was already doing a pose. He shouted at Brosnan who stared incredulously at him, “Take two more shots! After taking these shots outside, we’d head inside for more photos!”
Brosnan pointed at the object and stammered a little, “You… You bought this?”
“That’s right. Don’t look down on it. It costs more than my Mercedes-Benz!”
“This… Does Shania know about it?” Brosnan was still unable to press down on the shutter. His brain was filled with question marks, how could he possibly be in the mood to take a photo?
“Of course she does. I explained everything to her. She even told me to send her the photos after I’m done. Stop talking crap, hurry up and take a photo!”
There was nothing Brosnan could do but to lift up his camera and press down on the shutter with an awkward smile.
He thought to himself, Tony, you have really splashed the cash this time…
※※※
Carl Spicer has received numerous feedback that have made him delighted ever since that particular episode aired. Everyone enjoys watching his exchange of words with Tony Twain, and they like how they would always mock each other.
There were many other shows that also discussed footballing matters, and he might not do as good a job as some of those veterans. However, when it came to ‘insulting Twain’, there was not a second person in the whole of England who did a better job than him.
Numerous newspapers reported the news about how Tony Twain had boarded the bus with his young wife. The Sun even wrote about Carl Spicer’s unspoken words in its article,
“Tony Twain is the Felix Grandet [1] of this modern era! Your wife specially flew over from America to celebrate your birthday, and this is how you treat her? You brought a supermodel to squeeze with others on the bus. Even if you don’t find it embarrassing, others would!”
Of course, Spicer was the one who provided this piece of news to the media.
He also got featured on numerous media platforms for his action of gifting Twain with an annual bus pass.
Everyone thought it was a joke. All jokes can be classified as either one done in ‘goodwill’ or ‘menace’. Carl Spicer’s joke was definitely not one that was done in goodwill…
He was very happy to see this incident grow in influence as a result of the media adding fuel to the fire.
Thereafter, he began to look forward to seeing the look of fluster and exasperation on Tony Twain’s face. He wanted to hear Twain’s thoughts on the matter. Hence, he made preparations to head over to Nottingham to attend the press conference that will be held before the start of the next match, because he wanted to ask Tony Twain about his thoughts when he received the special birthday gift in person.
He would then be able to admire Twain’s wonderful expression up close.
This was truly something that would make people feel all refreshed!
However, he did not need to wait for the day when he headed over to Nottingham for Tony Twain’s response.
He received an envelope from the same courier service that he had used previously. After he had signed and opened the envelope, he realized that the annual pass he had given Twain laid within quietly.
There was nothing else in the envelope besides the pass. Carl Spicer even went to the extent of shaking the envelope, tearing it open and checking it numerous times just to make sure that Twain had not left behind a note that berated him.
He found it odd. This was not something that Twain would do. What Twain would usually do is to exact revenge in different ways if you angered him. It was not possible that he would only return the pass to him and not do anything else after how he derided and scorned him…
He got his answer quickly.
Because he received another envelope moments later.
It was a bulged envelope. Spicer opened it and took a look. There were nothing but photos inside.
Tony Twain stood beside a double-decker bus and gave a thumbs-up to the camera.
Tony Twain sat in the bus and read a set of newspapers with his legs crossed.
Tony Twain sat on the driver’s seat of the bus and had his hand on the steering wheel.
All the photos had one recurring theme: Tony Twain and his new vehicle, the bus!
※※※
The show ‘Match of the Day’ that aired on BBC5 discussed the interesting events that had happened in England’s footballing scene recently.
The international competition had just concluded, and all the football clubs were gearing up for the league matches that would kick off over the weekend. There were no interesting news to discuss, except for the incident between Tony Twain and Carl Spicer that had caught the attention of everyone once again.
Gary Lineker laughed in his show as he said, “Carl Spicer gave Twain an annual pass to mock him for being a penny-pincher. What happened next was that Twain instantly reacted in a way that speaks of him. Please take a look at the photos.”
The photos that Carl Spicer saw appeared on the screen.
“Tony Twain has indicated that he does not need Mr. Carl Spicer’s help to ease his financial burdens. He likes big cars, so he spent 180,000 pounds to buy an Alexander Dennis Enviro400. It can go up to speeds of 28 miles per hour. It has an engine with a capacity of 6700cc, and it is able to seat 90 people. What a big fellow this is! If Tony really drove this with his wife in it onto the streets, how cool would that be! Ha!”
“The day when Carl Spicer is able to get Twain to buy a helicopter through his derision would be the day that he triumphs!”
※※※
Carl Spicer amply understood how scary Tony Twain could be when he gets stubborn through this particular incident…
But, he did not admit defeat. He said mockingly afterwards, “I admire Mr. Tony Twain for his resolution, but how many times is he able to drive such a big car onto the streets? If he doesn’t drive it out, the vehicle will definitely take up too much space in his yard… From what we can see from the photos, there’s not much space left in his yard after he parked the bus there…”
There was no need for Carl Spicer to waste his energy pondering about such things, because it was not something that would stump our intelligent and sly Tony Twain.
The bus that Twain spent 180,000 pounds to buy became immensely popular due to how it was used in the battle between Twain and Carl Spicer.
Thereafter, Twain ‘sold’ the bus for a symbolic fee of 18 pounds to a local bus company in Nottingham. The bus would operate on the route that leads from Mapperley to the downtown area of Nottingham.
In England, buses would typically come with a sign that would be used to display the name of the bus driver driving the bus for the day. The words ‘Today, you will be travelling with XXX’ would be written on it. However, the bus that Twain just ‘sold’ was slightly more special. The sign on the bus read,
“Today, you will be travelling with Tony Twain!”
The Sun wrote teasingly after receiving word of the news, “The Notts County fans who live along the bus’s route have to ascertain who they are travelling with before boarding the bus…”
