My heart was about to explode! Was this really going to happen?!
Then suddenly, Lucretius lowered his face and said weakly, “But I can’t… My body won’t listen to me. It has been so long since I felt so weak like this. All because of a simple cold…”
I felt strange.
I felt relieved, but…
I felt disappointed too!
Why?
“…”
… I must have lost my mind. I must be going crazy!
While I contemplated in confusion, he collapsed onto the bed. He grabbed his head and sighed.
He seemed very ill. I sat up quickly and asked, “Are you okay?”
“I want to say yes, but… To be honest, I’m not okay…”
“That’s what you get for being stupid. You are a patient and you better remember that.”
He complained quietly, “It’s all thanks to you. Even your cold is persistent and crazy.” His voice sounded hoarse.
“It’s not like I forced you to take it from me. It’s all your fault.”
I wet the towel again and turned towards him to help.
However, what I saw made me stop.
His shirt was almost off by now and he was panting loudly.
This… This was getting too erotic.
Then, Lucretius moaned in pain.
I couldn’t leave him like this. I had to help him feel better.
I tried not to stare as I wiped his sweaty face and body. His eyes closed and smiled.
“It… feels nice…”
“Really?”
“Yes… When I was little… My mother used to do this for me when I got sick…”
“…”
I didn’t know what to say. His voice sounded dreamy. I suspected he was half asleep. He continued to smile happily.
I finished cleaning his upper body.
Now, there was one more thing left to do. I had to get him into a dry shirt.
His pants… I knew I just couldn’t get myself to go that far, but I had to at least help him into a new shirt.
“Umm….”
After a long hesitation, I finally reached for his shirt. This was the most erotic thing I ever had to do in my entire life.
Lucretius seemed asleep, so I rolled him a little to his side to take his shirt off him. As he lay topless, I became speechless.
“…”
He was gorgeous. Even his muscles and bones looked handsome. It was annoying.
“What…?”
I noticed that on his bare back were several old scars.
***
All day, I couldn’t stop thinking about those scars I saw last night.
They were clear signs of abuse. They didn’t look like they were from an accident. They were localized in one area, and it looked like different layers of scars on top of each other. Someone had hurt him over and over again. It had to happen over a long period of time.
Some looked like they were created by a knife, while others looked like burn scars.
“…”
I couldn’t focus at all. I didn’t know why, but my mind was blank. I kept remembering those scars.
“[Just forget it. Don’t think about it.]”
Yes. I needed to think about something else.
I tried to remember how funny it was when he collapsed. He deserved it.
Then suddenly, I remembered him whispering to me.
“You are so passionate and aggressive.”
I could feel my face becoming red.
My body felt hot again. I remembered the feeling of his chest and his weight on top of me.
I felt like I was having a heart attack.
His warmth, his wet skin, and his kiss.
Then when nothing happened…
I actually felt disappointed.
This was becoming too dangerous for me. If he wasn’t sick, I knew it would have happened.
Of course… I was an adult now. I was no longer a high school student. If I was still in Korea, I would have been enjoying my dating life in college.
However, what I wanted was a normal college boyfriend, not an erotic emperor in this strange world!
I bit my fingernails and whispered to myself.
“[Stop being stupid, Sa Bina! This isn’t the time for romance!]”
This was the truth. I needed to be focused on defeating the dowager empress and returning home.
Besides, Lucretius was not someone I could trust. Why did I feel this way about a guy who I couldn’t even trust?
I reminded myself out loud.
“[Just snap out of it! This is hell, and you need to focus on surviving this awful place!]”
***
I sighed and placed the book back in its place.
I was at the biggest library in the castle. There was a smaller one in my wing, but it couldn’t be compared to the main one here where it was created specifically for the emperor, the empress, and their children.
Since I was the only wife of the emperor, the library was usually empty. It was a nice quiet place for me to think.
The maids who followed me stayed outside the library. I was the only one in here. I used it as if it was my personal library. I grabbed several books and laid them out on the table. It was very quiet, but I couldn’t focus at all.
It wasn’t that I couldn’t read the letters. When I first arrived in this world, I worked my butt off to learn its language. In only six months, I was able to read difficult books even Lisbeth couldn’t read. The Duchess hated it. What a selfish woman.
Remembering my time in Aeal made me angry and disturbed. I couldn’t concentrate.
The Bonafit family was the first people I met in this world. My impression of them determined my impression of this entire world.
That was why I couldn’t trust or love this place.
My only goal was to survive and return home.
I had to return to my family.
After I organized my thoughts, I felt much lighter. I felt like myself again.
I even felt happier. I hummed quietly and picked up a book.
I was at a huge library filled with precious books. Cransia was the richest kingdom on this land, and it received important books from all around the world. Most books had expensive leather covers and gold decorations.
On earth, these were probably considered priceless antics.
I played with the books by using them like building blocks.
“…”
I felt silly and useless playing like a child.
“I’m an idiot.”
I stood up quickly. I had a lot of work to do, and I have been procrastinating.
I needed to go back and start working again!
I had to prepare for the ball. I had to think about what to say when I meet the priestess. I had a girl picked out, so I had to figure out how to introduce her to Lucretius. I also needed to learn more about how things were going with Lisbeth.
So busy!
When I turned around, I suddenly became speechless.
“[Where… am I?]”
***
In my defense, I had good reasons for this situation.
Firstly, this library was huge. It was actually the size of a large building.
Secondly, I had been here only a few times.
Yes, that’s right. I had good reasons.
I shouldn’t be embarrassed that I got lost.
It wasn’t stupid at all!
“…”
It WAS embarrassing though. I couldn’t deny it.
Elza was worried I would get lost because the library was so big, and every corner looked very similar. I told her not to worry and insisted on coming in by myself. I did this to myself!
I was an idiot.
“…”
However, there was no point in sitting around regretting my decision. I had to find a way out.
I started walking towards the spot that looked most familiar. I looked at the colors of the books on the shelves and tried to remember, but it was not an easy task.
I didn’t have a photographic memory!
I realized I would be here for a long time.
… I felt sad.
I wondered if I would be able to escape before dinner time.
