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Reece
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Seven days. A week. One hundred and sixty-eight hours. Ten thousand and eighty minutes. Six hundred and four thousand eight hundred seconds. That was how long it had been since I came home to find my wife comatose. OK, I don't know about the exact second, and I might be off by a minute or two, but everything else is exact.
"Where are you, Trinity? Why aren't you coming home to me? To your family? What are you doing out there?" I knew that asking her these questions was pointless. It wasn't like she could answer them for me right now anyway. Still, it made me feel a little bit better to actually say them out loud.
For this past week I have done everything that I could to keep myself from falling apart. I have been trying to stay strong and calm for the kids. I had even kept it together as best as I could when I spoke to Trinity's family. That had been hard, way harder than I expected it to be. I made it though and it was done.
Now, all I could do was sit there and wish that there was more for me to do. I wanted to do something, anything, that would help my wife's soul to come home. I needed to do something that would fix this whole situation.
As I went round and around with these thoughts inside my head, I heard someone knock on the door to my room. There were very few people that would come to disturb me while I was in my room with my wife. And I could tell by the way that they walked and they smelled, that they were someone that would have no problem interrupting me right now.
"Reece, can I come in?" Trevor called from the other side of the door.
"Yeah, come on in." I agreed, but I didn't look away from my Little Bunny, and I didn't let go of her hand. I was still putting almost all of my attention on my wife. No offense to one of my best friends in the entire world, but my mate came first.
"Hey man, how are you holding up?" He came right over to me after he opened the door and clapped a hand on my shoulder. With his grip firm on me, squeezing comfortingly, I finally looked away from my Little Bunny and up into Trevor's face.
"I'm not."
That was the first time that I honestly admitted that I was not doing so well. I have been trying my best to be positive for the kids and everyone else, but it was so hard on me. It was all just an act. I wasn't really holding it together at all. On the inside, all I wanted to do was scream, yell, howl, whine, tear someone's throat out, anything that would be doing something. I couldn't, though. All I could do was sit here and hold it all together with will power and duct tape.
"I'm not holding it together at all." I added, feeling the grip on my self control getting very thin. "I don't want to hold it together anymore either. All I want to do is let it all go."
"Go ahead man, no one's looking but me. Let it go. Get it out." Trevor would never judge me, and I knew that, but I still couldn't do it.
"No. No, I can't." I shook my head and tried to violently push that idea away. I couldn't let it go. I needed to be strong. I needed to be tough. I needed to make sure that I was the heart, soul, and strength of this family. I needed to do that for Trinity."
"Listen to me, Reece. If you don't let off some steam, you will be no better than Trinity was when we came to visit you recently. You will be bottling up everything that is bothering you and keeping everyone in the dark. Do you want to end up in the same position that she is in? Do you want that to happen to you too? Are you willing to let the kids have no parents for the time being?"
Trevor's words were definitely eye opening. He was right. I was acting the exact same way that my Little Bunny had been before this happened to her. I was following right after her without even thinking about it.
"Maybe I should try to follow her. Maybe I should, so that I could go get her and bring her back." That thought made my heart race with sudden ideas. Could I go after her? Could I bring her back? How would I do it?
"Shut the fuck up, Reece!" Trevor snapped at me. "You know, that is the stupidest idea I have heard in a very long time. How the hell are you going to sit there and even contemplate that idea?"
I didn't understand Trevor's anger at me. Why was he so pissed off that I wanted to go after my wife? Why was he so pissed that I wanted to try to bring her back?
"What the hell, Trevor? You don't know how it feels. You don't know what I am going through. You can't imagine what I want to do. I should go after her. I should help her. I am her mate, it's my job to help her." I was fuming right now, nearly frothing at the mouth as I responded angrily to him.
"Yeah, you're right, I don't know what it is that you are feeling. I couldn't even imagine it because I have never felt something like that, and I thank the Goddess that I haven't. but that doesn't mean that I want to see you go through this. Or watch Talia, Reagan, and Rika lose both of their parents. You know that those three kids are already suffering, do you want to make it worse?"
His words brought me back to my senses. He was right. I knew that already. But he had pointed it out to me and that was good enough. I couldn't leave to go after Trinity. If I did, the kids would be devastated, even more than they already are. I can't do that to them. I can't bring myself to put them through that.
"I'm sorry, Trevor." I hung my head, the tears that I had been fighting to hold back for the last week finally streaming down my cheeks. "I'm so sorry. I just feel so helpless. I want to help her, but I don't even know what is going on. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know what to do. Dammit, I'm at a loss." I was crying. Bawling really. I was like a little baby that wasn't able to stop. Once I started, I just couldn't stop.
"Why the hell do you think that I am here, Reece? What do you think that I came here for if not to help you out?" I didn't understand what he was saying for a moment.. How could he help me? I didn't know, but apparently he did, because he looked very confident in his knowledge.
