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Trinity
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I was truly trying to enjoy the day out with the kids and Reece. I really wanted to have a good time and stop thinking about everything that had been bothering me and keeping me busy.
Reece had gone through all this trouble to give me a day off and to make it special for me and the kids. And here I was almost ruining it. And little Talia, I can't believe what she said. I can't believe what I have done to her, making her feel so neglected and ignored. I need to make sure that I was not ignoring my family just because of the pressure that I was under.
And, I couldn't let them know that I felt like I was slowly losing my mind. I couldn't tell any of them about the voice that was still plaguing me. Even now, even while I was out with my family the voice never went away. It was still there, always talking, always whispering words that made me want to shudder, to scream, to throw something, to do almost anything. But I wouldn't do anything at all. I would just ignore it. I would pretend like it wasn't there and that I didn't hear it.
'Everyone is going to die, Trinity. They will all die, and it will all be your fault. Thousands, no millions of deaths and it will all be your fault. You are going to be responsible for the end of your people. You will be responsible for destroying them all. You will murder them with your own hands. You will have their blood on your hands. Run now, Trinity. Run, run away now, before you kill them all. Leave! Go now! Don't let them die because of you.'
This had been on an endless loop in my head for weeks now, and nothing I did would make it stop. Nothing made the voice go away. I just had to deal with it.
At first, I thought that it might have been a message from one of the other celestials. Back when it was just starting to come through with more and more words. But nothing that I did, no spiritual reaching that I did, took me to the being that was giving me this message. None of the celestials were trying to speak to me. That was evident with the fact that none of them had responded to my summons.
After that, I thought that maybe it was some other kind of spirit. I thought that maybe someone from the future was trying to reach out to me.
I spent days on end researching that subject with Gabriel. He had asked why, and I know that I should have told him the truth, but I didn't. I told him that I was asked to look something up by another being. I was lying to him and pretending that this wasn't happening to me personally. I know that he didn't fully believe me, since he could tell when I was lying to him, but he didn't press me for details.
"Sometimes, a royal just needs to keep secrets." That had been what he told me when I asked for his help.
None of our research yielded any results, though. Nothing in the history of supernaturals, as far as we knew it, had yielded any information on phantom voices warning of future catastrophes.
OK, well since that had been a bust, I decided to try and talk to the voice directly. That hadn't been any better either.
'Who are you? What do you want?' I asked the voice as it started it's ranting one afternoon after Aunt Glory and Athair mòr left.
'Everyone is going to die, Trinity. They will all die, and it will all be your fault. Thousands, no millions of deaths and it will all be your fault. You are going to be responsible for the end of your people. You will be responsible for destroying them all. You will murder them with your own hands. You will have their blood on your hands. Run now, Trinity. Run, run away now, before you kill them all. Leave! Go now! Don't let them die because of you.'
"What am I going to do? How do I hurt my people? What is going to happen?' I was asking it inside of my head, just like it was speaking to me in my head.
'Everyone is going to die, Trinity. They will all die, and it will all be your fault. Thousands, no millions of deaths and it will all be your fault. You are going to be responsible for the end of your people. You will be responsible for destroying them all. You will murder them with your own hands. You will have their blood on your hands. Run now, Trinity. Run, run away now, before you kill them all. Leave! Go now! Don't let them die because of you.' It just repeated the words again without answering my questions.
'What will I do? Tell me, please. Tell me so that I don't harm my people. Please!' I begged the voice, but it just started to repeat itself.
'Everyone is going to die, Trinity. They will all die, and it will all be your fault. Thousands, no millions of deaths and it will all be your fault. You are going to be resp-."
"WHO ARE YOU!? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!? PLEASE ANSWER ME! TELL ME WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!" This time, instead of speaking to the voice in my head, I interrupted it and screamed the words to the empty room around me.
'Everyone is going to die, Trinity. They will all die, and it will all be your fault. Thousands, no millions of deaths and it will all be your fault. You are going to be responsible for the end of your people. You will be responsible for destroying them all. You will murder them with your own hands. You will have their blood on your hands. Run now, Trinity. Run, run away now, before you kill them all. Leave! Go now! Don't let them die because of you.'
It was no use. There was no figuring out what it wanted. There was no talking to the voice. Yeah, I could understand what it was saying, but I wasn't going to hurt my people. I wasn't going to start a war. I wasn't going to do anything but protect them all. I was going to prove that voice wrong.
After we got home from that family day, I spent all of my time with the kids. I played games with them. I read them stories. We went swimming in the pond that was in the garden. We did everything together and that made me happy, but it would have been better without that voice in my head.
When it was time for bed, I tucked Talia into her bed and hugged her tightly. I smiled at her and told her that the next day was going to be just fine. I knew that she was nervous about her first day at school, she wasn't the only one either. I felt my heart stutter at the thought of my baby needing to start preschool already.. This was the saddest I had been in a long time.
