"Why? What have I done wrong?" Emily asked Geoffrey as tears fell from her eyes.
Geoffrey can feel his heart being wrenched. After their first visit at the orphanage, he has been contemplating. He spent more time this past week with Emily just to be sure. There was a part of him that was reluctant to end things with her, however, he knew that he must make a stance. He cannot lead her on when he already had his mind set on setting things right in hopes that in the future, his arranged marriage would work.
"Please accept my sincerest apologies Emily. You did not do anything wrong. It's just that our time spent together made me realize that we are too similar to stay as lovers happily." He replied in an earnest manner.
"So that's it? We have only been in this relationship for more than a month and you're already giving up on me? On us? Did I ever mean anything to you?" she said in anguish.
Geoffrey bowed his head, not meeting her eyes. He had a lot to say, but he did not want to hurt her than he already has. Although he had doubts if she truly loved him or just his title, he could not bring his self to utter those words. One, because he held no proof. Two, for she will only deny it. Last, for there was no use to know the answer.
"What is it you don't like about me? I can change. We have been corresponding for more than a year. I have loved you even then. Did it mean nothing to you?
"It meant a lot to me, Emily. But…"
"But what? You regret it? Or maybe you look down on me?"
"No, I don't regret any of the time we spent together, and I don't look down on you. In fact, I think so highly of you. You are a good person and deserve so much better than what I am and will be able to give you."
Emily wanted to say more, but she knew she will not win this battle. Not when she knew that she was so lacking in comparison to Serena. She was not senseless as not to realize this was coming. From the looks Geoffrey gave Serena at the orphanage, she knew that it was only a matter of time.
Thus, when today came, she was prepared. In fact, it took a longer time to come than she expected. She thought he will break up with her the day after, but it still took him over a week.
Her feelings of hurt were all true for she truly did love him. However, it was not as pure nor innocent as it once was. If it was, she would've pushed and slapped him already. Yet, she did not do all those. She just cried, appealing to Geoffrey's sense of pity. She knew tears worked best on him.
"Do you no longer want me in your life?"
"Emily, I'm truly sorry. There will always be a place for you in my life, just not in my heart. Please, stop crying, you're making this more difficult than it already is." Geoffrey said as he wiped Emily's tears.
Emily nodded her head. "I understand… I know I was at fault too. Perhaps this was what I deserve. I have pressured you to enter a relationship with me knowing that you already belong to another. It was just that I fell for you so deeply because you were the first person to have so much faith in me, to give me so much support. I am sorry too."
Geoffrey felt that he really was the worst. "I entered a relationship with you because I also wanted to. So, stop blaming yourself. Besides, although we can't be lovers anymore, we can still remain as friends. I will continue to give you as much support that you need. Please."
Emily gave him a small smile, looking a little pitiful while stopping her tears, she said "Remember, you're the one to utter those words, so don't blame me if I take you up to that."
Geoffrey felt that he can breathe again. In a good mood he too gave her a smile and nodded his head.
—
Emily went back to her room in a bad mood. Although she did expect the break-up to happen, she was still disappointed. She slammed the door behind her to close it.
"Hey! Do you mind?" her roommate Jean who was woken up because of the loud bang, reproached her.
Emily, not wanting to talk, just ignored her. She did not open the lights and just laid straight on her bed. She looked at the shadows playing in the dark, the four corners of her shared room suffocating her and leaving her dissatisfied.
She was raised in a family with 5 children. The eldest child with 4 younger siblings wherein the youngest was the only boy. Everything was fine at the beginning when her mother was still alive. They lived a frugal life, but they were happy. However, that all changed when she passed away.
Her mother was the one who used to manage the finances for their home and family. When she was gone, although Emily was the eldest, she was but 8 years old. Their father, not knowing how to manage his income that seem to be so little in comparison to the number of mouths to feed in their house, was lured to the gambling den to try his luck and double his money. At the beginning, he was able to win a little here and there. Buying them new clothes, happily spending the extra cash coming in. But after a while, their coffers along with their house were becoming empty.
The first thing she noticed was that some of their servants were getting dismissed. The children's interpretation of frugal was that they were not throwing expensive parties, not buying expensive clothes every season, and not having the best horses like their cousins. This time, the meaning of frugality was a different word entirely. It was a hard time for her and her siblings, before, they had servants to do everything for them. Now, they don't have personal maids, just the butler, the chef, and the one who washed their clothes.
The second thing she noticed was that there were people coming in and out of their house, bringing out their furniture. Even the piano she so loved has been taken away. She hated it, but she was old enough to understand what was going on.
The third was that the jewelries meant for her and her sisters' dowry were being pawned off.
Until lastly, there were people lining up outside their doors looking for her father.
In the end, they were almost driven out of their own home.
Thankfully, Countess Livy came to rescue them. She paid all her father's debt, aiding him to start a new. She stayed with them for a while. She provided them with tutors and even some guidance in life. She remembered her words telling them that they can live not having all those luxuries, but they should have proper education and etiquette.
Countess Livy was their father's sister who married a count twice her age. When she became a widow, she has been married to the count for over 10 years and was in her mid-30's. She was left with her husband's asset, but in his will, he stated that if she were to remarry, she should take none of their wealth into a new marriage.
It was not true love she told them, but her family was very patriarchal, and all the assets were reserved for the boys. Baron Edward was the eldest son, so he got the title and most of the lands. However, he was not very good at managing them. So in the end, all his siblings became wealthier than him. Luckily, he met Ema, Emily's mother, and that at least saved their declining barony.
She understood her aunt's words, but she did not like the thought of marrying an old senile man in the future. She, of course, wanted a fairy tale. She was 12 years old when their aunt left them, and life has been in the decline since then.
Emily was tasked to work with their finances. Managing her father's meager salary to keep them afloat. They were not as poor as when their father was down and out, but they were still struggling to make ends meet. Sometimes, they will go visit their relatives, their father bowing his head asking to borrow some money. His siblings will lend him the money, but their spouse will look at them like they were dirt, and their cousins will also look at them that way.
Despite all these, Emily held her head high. She did not let their looks taunt her. She admits that they were poor, but they have a saving grace, and that was her father's title. Unlike her cousins, she was still a member of the peerage and can still have a brighter future beyond their reach.
—
TBC
