B3C13: Feelings
Having told his father the fact that he is a Xiantian expert, Qin Yu is very excited in his heart. He has been longing for his father’s approval and praise. And today, he has finally been able to let his father know that he is not a good-for-nothing!
“You can’t!”
As Qin Yu hears Qin De’s words, his body shakes once. His face immediately goes pale. He stares at Qin De with his eyes full of disbelief and indignation: “Why? Why can’t I …” Qin Yu says continuously, as if he cannot accept Qin De’s answer.
He becomes misty-eyed. He has been trying hard to do limit training nonstop day and night since he was 8. He has never experienced the happiness of his contemporaries, has never been given parental loving care, and has even never had a friend of the same age.
Thanks to some luck and the fact that he has been working hard every day for 10 years, he has finally reached the current level in power.
Why has he been training hard without any complaint for the last 10 years?
Can the reason possibly be anything but to reach the Xiantian level so that he can help his father, make his father happy and do his father proud?
“Father, didn’t you just say reaching the Xiantian level is enough? Now I’ve surpassed ordinary Xiantian experts in power. I can even put up a real fight against any peak Xiantian expert. Why, why do you still refuse to let me go with you?” Qin Yu stares at his father. His eyes are filled with indignation and unwillingness.
Qin Yu’s indignant and unwilling look makes Qin De slightly tremble in his heart.
“Yu’er, calm down a bit.” Qin De coldly shouts.
Qin Yu takes a deep breath and says: “All right, I’ve calmed down. Tell me the reason, father. If you can’t convince me, I won’t give up no matter what.”
“All right.” Qin De says at once. “When I undergo the tribulation, I’ll have to choose a secret place. Your Uncle Feng is going to go with me as well. Of course the fact that I’m going to undergo the tribulation is top secret information, so there are only 2 possibilities. First, if Xiang Guang’s men can’t find out this information, no one will come to disturb me, which naturally will be a good thing. In this case, it’ll be pointless for you to go. Second, if Xiang Guang knows that I’m going to undergo the tribulation, his 2 Shangxian will come at me together. Yu’er, even though your power is not bad, you simply can’t imagine how powerful the Shangxian who have overcome the 4-in-9 Heavenly Tribulation to become Xiuzhenists are!”
Qin De says with a sigh: “Even though it’s only the 4-in-9 Heavenly Tribulation, comparing ordinary peak Xiantian experts to Xiuzhenists is like comparing the ground to the sky. With merely a strike of their flying swords, Xiuzhenists can behead you easily. If you go, you’ll be of no use and only die for no reason!”
“Therefore … in both cases, it’ll be useless for you to go. Even worse, you’ll probably die if you go.” Qin De stares at Qin Yu. “Yu’er, this is the reason why I don’t let you go with me!”
Having listened, Qin Yu remains silent.
However, despite being silent, he is giving off a chaotic aura. The stronger a person’s soul is, the more powerful his aura becomes. Qin Yu is giving off his aura unintentionally but, at the moment, the other people can still feel it. No one knows what he is thinking.
“Xiao Yu,” Qin Zheng and Qin Feng both look at their little brother.
“Father, do you still remember?” Qin Yu simply does not pay attention to his big brother and 2nd brother. He talks to himself. “Before I turned 6, you cared so much about me and often spent time with me. During that time I was very happy and carefree. In my mind, you were the most brilliant and capable person. However, when I turned 6, I was sent to Misty Villa.” Qin Yu lowers his head and says in a low voice. It seems he is talking to himself and Qin De at the same time.
Everyone quietens down.
“At Misty Villa, except for the servants and guards, there was only me, a 6 year old kid. There wasn’t anyone to play with me. I was lonely so whenever I watched sunrise or sunset I contemplated expectantly when you would visit me. After so many disappointments, you finally arrived, but you left so fast. And I continued to expect you … but then I couldn’t wait anymore because you only visited Misty Villa once in 2 whole years.” Qin Yu continues to say slowly.
All of the people present picture the scene of a 6 or 7 year old kid watching sunrise or sunset waiting for his father’s arrival only to get disappointed time after time.
Qin De slightly moves his lips but says nothing. He cannot say anything! Among his 3 sons, he feels he owes his 3rd son the most. He has spent the least time with Qin Yu, has cared for Qin Yu the least and has even met Qin Yu the least number of times.
“I wondered why you didn’t visit me. Could I have been disobedient and annoyed you? Or was I too unpleasant? Even if I had done something wrong, couldn’t you just tell me about it since I could change? … But I wasn’t stupid. Big brother was practicing martial arts while 2nd brother was learning something about political affairs and you often instructed them and visited them. I finally understood … you thought I couldn’t become an able person so you didn’t care about me.” Qin Yu nips his lips, his eyes glittering.
“After thinking it over, I decided to train to become an expert. But my dantian couldn’t store internal energy so I could only do external practice. In the 1st year, it was Master Zhao Yunxing who taught me. Every day, I started to train when it was still dimly light. It was limit training. To be exact, it was physical-limit-surpassing training. I was in extreme pain and exhausted every day. I was so weary that I really shouldn’t have been able to carry on, but I thought about my being able to make you happy later so I clenched my teeth and persisted …” says Qin Yu slowly.
Qin De’s eyes have become moist.
“When I was 16, you told me some secrets and I finally understood it wasn’t that you didn’t love me, but that you had your own affairs so you couldn’t have time to pay attention to me. I saw you, big brother and 2nd brother working so hard for that important undertaking in the future, but I couldn’t help in anything despite being a son of the Qin clan as well. I could only be a bystander. That night you said unless I could reach the Xiantian level you wouldn’t let me lead troops to kill our enemies. At that time I decided that I would become a Xiantian expert no matter what!”
Qin Yu’s face suddenly has a faint smile: “10 years, after 10 whole years I finally succeeded. I was lucky and also hardworking, but it doesn’t matter what happened, the thing is, I’ve finally reached the current level!” Qin Yu suddenly raises his head. A swift and fierce aura comes forth from his body. “Since ancient times, they’ve been saying that external practice is hopeless and unable to reach the Xiantian level. But I never believed it. I always worked hard and I finally succeeded indeed!”
There is a hint of pride on Qin Yu’s face. Having reached a level where he can match a peak Xiantian internal expert, how can he not be proud? Moreover, Qin Yu even practices external techniques, which are universally acknowledged to be much harder than internal techniques.
“I’m a Xiantian external expert. Moreover, since I reached the Xiantian level, I’ve improved a lot and my power has been enhanced greatly. I wanted to tell you about this because I thought that, when you knew I had become a Xiantian expert, you would treat me as you treat big brother and 2nd brother and find a good use for me so that I could help you too.” Qin Yu stares at Qin De. All of a sudden, his expression looks sad. “Ha-ha … I was wrong. I was wrong, utterly wrong!”
Qin Yu suddenly becomes indignant. He says loudly to Qin De: “Father, when I was weak, you didn’t have a use for me and didn’t let me help you. I didn’t blame you for that and clenched my teeth to work hard. But now that my power has already reached a level where I’m far superior to ordinary Xiantian experts, you still don’t let me help you, brushing me aside. How can I possibly rest easy when I see you going through dangers? Father, do you think this is the same as caring about me? No, it’s definitely not. It hurts my feelings instead!”
“Ha-ha, I trained hard every day and night, giving up the amusements that my contemporaries enjoyed, giving up everything. I immersed myself in training for 10 years. Ha-ha, 10 years, no less! What did I train for 10 years for? What’s the use of practicing to my current level?” Qin Yu simply cannot keep his tears from rolling down his face.
His goal, his 10-year goal, is the thing he has had the most resolute attachment to for the last 10 years. Today he has discovered that it has come to naught, how can he possibly not grieve?
“Father, I know the 4-in-9 Heavenly Tribulation is extremely fearsome, if you fail to overcome it …” Qin Yu’s body starts to quiver. He cannot imagine how great a shock it would be to him if his father were to die. “If you passed away, wouldn’t my perseverance in the last 10 years become pointless? I’ve been training but I’m still of no use. Father, no matter what, can you at least find a use for me? In this way, even if I were to die, I’d have no regret.”
“But … you give me no chance, absolutely no chance. You only said it’s pointless for me to get involved in this. Father, you don’t even give me a chance. How can you be sure that I’m useless? How? How?!” Qin Yu stares at Qin De and growls loudly and hoarsely. His eyes have turned crimson.
All of a sudden, Qin Yu burst out laughing sadly and shrilly: “I knew it already. Father, in your mind, this 3rd son has always been useless, right? It doesn’t matter what happens, I’m always utterly useless. Even when I’ve reached the Xiantian level, I’m still useless. I was useless in the past, and now I’m useless too. Father, I think, even when we go to war later, perhaps you still won’t find any good use for a Xiantian expert like me, right?!”
Qin De can say nothing.
Indeed, in the future war the troops of a fighting corps will be counted even by the hundred thousand so a Xiantian expert will not be very useful. Qin De basically has never cared about Qin Yu’s role in the future war.
Seeing Qin De’s expression, Qin Yu laughs.
“Ha-ha … I’m just a useless, the most useless person. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much progress I make in practice, I’ll always be the most useless. This is laughable. What have I been training for? What have I been training for? What’s the use of my training?”
Qin Yu laughs out loud then weeps silently. His tears slowly roll down.
Qin De looks at Qin Yu in front of him, the 3rd son who he has never heartily cared about. Suddenly he feels extremely ashamed and sorrowful. He opens his mouth but simply cannot say a word because he does not know what he should say.
Indeed, in Qin De’s mind, Qin Yu is of no use. What Qin Yu just said is totally right.
“I’m a fool, a real fool.” Qin Yu shakes his head and gives a forced smile.
“Yu’er.” Qin Zheng and Qin Feng are about to say something, but Qin Yu reaches out his hand and stops them. He takes a deep breath, looks at Qin De and says calmly: “Father, I’m sorry. I was careless about what I said.” The 1st time, this is the 1st time he has given full vent to his repressed feelings of so many years.
“Yu’er, I …”
Seeing that Qin De is about to say something, Qin Yu says with a forced smile: “Father, now I’m very confused, I need to calm down. Don’t worry. I won’t bother you. At least in the half year before your tribulation arrives, I won’t come back to bother you.” Qin Yu turns to Fengyuzi and says: “Uncle Feng, could you please deactivate the encircling restrictive spell?” Fengyuzi immediately sends out various streams of elemental energy, deactivating the restrictive spell.
Qin Yu turns his face upward and gives a whistle. Something then dives down from the sky like a black bolt of lightning.
Like a flash Qin Yu’s body gets on the back of the black eagle, which is 10 meters high in the air, leaving behind several afterimages. After sitting down on the back of the black eagle, all of a sudden, he slightly bends and hugs the black eagle’s neck. Xiao Hei has always been his companion for so many years so when he snuggles against Xiao Hei’s warm feathers his mind calms down.
He gently pats Xiao Hei and says: “Xiao Hei, let’s go, let’s return to Misty Villa.” Xiao Hei also feels that Qin Yu is very sad at the moment. With a shake of its wings, the wind suddenly rises and the black eagle soars into the sky. In just a while, it disappears on the horizon.
Qin De’s face has turned very pale, looking like the face of a sickly person. Turning his face skyward, he knows Qin Yu has left and will not return for at least a half year. This half year will probably be Qin De’s last half year in the world.
Qin Yu’s words have pierced his heart continuously like sharp knives but he knows that his son is even in more agony than he himself is. Even though he is mournful, he feels ashamed and regretful more, incomparably ashamed and regretful. However, in Qin De’s life, will he ever be able to compensate for what Qin Yu has gone through?
End of b3c13.
