She loved him, he knew it all along.
Every word of hers touched him, he picked up her cold hand and held it tightly.
He continued driving, looking in front as the neon lights shone across his face, littering it with color.
Though he had been surrounded by such bustle all these years, it never once belonged to him and he was never obsessed over it.
He had gone through so much all these years, overcoming so many obstacles but he was still alone. He was still that man who picked up his backpack, leaving his hometown to work hard in the city.
Lu Yan’s eyes turned bloodshot, they were somewhat teary as he continued smiling and spoke with a husky voice. “I’ve never been calculative throughout my journey. I’ve never been calculative over how much I’ve put in and how much I would receive in return. Though I didn’t manage to meet my father for the last time before his death, he left a note for me. It was just some simple words, his wish for me to be an upright man.
“I had my first woman when I was 18, or perhaps even earlier. It was to gain a triad boss’ trust. That boss’ mistress had laid her eyes on me, I didn’t reject such a shortcut that was offered to me. Why would I reject her? I was young and vigorous back then, I was going to have a woman in my life even if she didn’t come. I slept with her, pinning her underneath me in bed.
“Women were just like marijuana. I felt really empty inside after venting all of my sexual desires. The unfamiliar faces I woke up to really made me feel sick. I really disliked those dirty, sexual favors but I still continued. With those shortcuts being offered to me, before every deadly encounter, during those sleepless nights, I chose to use up all of my energy on women, living a life of debauchery.
“Those days weren’t exactly good, but weren’t exactly bad either. Everything changed when I was 27 years old. That was when I brought the six year old you home.
“You were so timid back then and you were so afraid of me. When I came over, you’d run away and hide in your room but once I left, you’d open the door and secretly peek at me, just like a little bunny. There was once I came back with injuries and I actually saw you secretly crying. I even scolded you, were you crying at my funeral?
“You slowly grew up and the growing feelings caused our relationship to change. You started revealing your feelings for me, slowly pushing me into a corner. It wasn’t because I didn’t like you, but rather, because I was… afraid.
“I was afraid that I couldn’t balance it all. On one hand was my responsibilities, while on the other was love. I was afraid that I would fail to protect my nation, but I was also afraid that I would let you down. I really wished there was a method on earth that could allow me to balance both. I was even more afraid that I would grow old so quickly. How could I even dare to tell you… I love you when you’re in the prime of your youth?
“But it all didn’t work, I fell in love with you despite trying to stop myself so hard. I fell for the warmth you provided me with, I fell for the love you had for me. After so many years of battling hard, I suddenly just wanted to stop everything. I’m tired, I’m sick of it, I feel really dejected, my heart hurts, I feel lonely, I want to just lay on a bed and sleep. And at the end of the day, I just want you to accompany me.
“I want to build a home with you, I want to tell you more about my parents, I want to ask you a serious question. An’an, I’m not perfect, I’m 40 years old, I haven’t gone to get proper education, I have a really low self-esteem. Have you considered it properly? You must not just come around and only toy with me. This is my first time falling in love and really wanting to have a serious relationship.
“I actually wanted to secretly tell you this, you must forgive me for all the times I hurt you and saddened you last time. I hesitated, I deliberated and I felt so lost, that’s all because I’m too old and you’re too young. I’m not good enough but you’re really too good. And definitely too good for me. I’ve always imagined our future, I’ve always been thinking whether we can end up living a happy life together. Now I’m going to give you my heart and I only have eyes for you. An’an, this is late, but I love you.”
He finally said it. An’an, this is late, but I love you.
An’an’s eyes crinkled into a radiant smile. She had finally gotten his confession and love.
An’an slowly leaned over, resting her face on his muscular thighs. She stretched out her hand, caressing his prosthetic limb. That was the greatest kind of love he had given her.
Real heroes had flesh and blood, having weaknesses would only make them even better.
An’an shut her eyes. “Ah Yan, do you know about this? I had a dream last night, I dreamed that I was pregnant. I had a pair of twins, a boy and a girl.”
Twins?
A son and a daughter.
Lu Yan smiled, raking his fingers through her silky hair. “If we really have a pair of twins, what are the names of our daughter and son?”
Right after he said that, there was no response.
An’an had shut her eyes and never opened them again.
She went unconscious.
She went unconscious after all.
Lu Yan didn’t dare to lower his eyes, he didn’t dare to lower his head to check. His veins were pumping while he clutched the steering wheel. It hurt to even breathe, he felt so tormented.
He was reminded of that night many years back.
During winter, he wore just a thin shirt with many holes in it. He sat on a rock alone, looking at the skies over and over again.
He had been forsaken.
He became alone ever since.
The world was so big, his family had disappeared. There was no one he could give his love to this lifetime.
He had to undergo such unbearable pain once, but the heavens were so brutal, he had to undergo it for the second time now.
Many years ago, his eyes were so dry, not even a single tear escaped. He hadn’t cried at all.
Clutching the steering wheel with both hands, her body was gradually losing temperature while on his lap. Tears suddenly welled up in his eyes, he could feel something pouring out of his heart.
One drop, two drops, three drops… his tears trickled down, blurring his vision.
So it turned out tears were so burning hot. It was burning his heart, he was almost going to be set on fire.
He couldn’t turn back time, he still wasn’t able to make it in time.
An’an.
His An’an.
His shoulders started moving. He hadn’t cried before and didn’t know how men even appeared when they cried. He didn’t know how to release the pain in his heart, he bit down on his lips while clenching his fists, feeling so helpless.
The flowers were all wilting, his world had become colorless.
But he suddenly heard a weak voice. “It’s your responsibility as a father to name the kids.”
Lu Yan was stunned, he quickly lowered his head to see. An’an hadn’t opened her eyes, but her lashes were moving.
A teardrop fell onto her face.
An’an slowly opened her eyes, looking at him. She saw the tear-filled Lu Yan.
She was stunned, the corners of her lips instantly kicked up. She sounded so joyful as she said, “Silly, I wasn’t unconscious. Although my body really hurts, I just closed my eyes to take a little rest so it wouldn’t hurt as much. But I still didn’t lose consciousness, I… couldn’t bear to…”
She then lifted her hand, running her fingers over his facial features so tenderly. “I couldn’t bear to fall unconscious. I was afraid… afraid that once I really do, what’s going to happen to my Ah Yan?”
