"So after sleeping on it, do you still feel like you made the right decision?" Dr. Moore asked me. "No regrets? You don't want to call the police yourself and tell them what Jeremy had done?"
What he had done? What did he do? He just grabbed me by the arm to get me to stop walking away. Harder than necessary, but still, people grab others all the time and no one else calls the cops.
It was Saturday and as promised, Dr. Moore came by for lunch. No one brought up yesterday's events and instead, the twins led the discussion with Monday's opponents. They're a powerhouse with a great lineup overall, according to the email Coach had sent out. I didn't bother looking, but with the twins spending all lunch talking about it, I no longer saw a need to.
With that information in hand, the twins both decided to practice some pitching in the backyard. Zeke stated he would supervise so they wouldn't injure themselves; then Noah was roped into being a ball boy. He looked at me with such concern that I felt awkward and embarrassed like he thought I needed watching. It was only after Mr. Atkins assured him that he would be with me and Dr. Moore in the living room, that he decided to join his brothers in the backyard.
"Jake?" Dr. Moore questioned patiently as Mr. Atkins watched from the corner of the room.
I pursed my lips. "I don't think he's like my mother."
Dr. Moore made a note in the pad he was holding. "That's what influenced your decision?" I nodded. "How did you come to that conclusion?"
I glanced down at the arm that now had some bruising around my stitches. "He, he didn't…um." I paused, trying to find the words. Why wasn't he like my mother? Oh, yea.. "My mom would talk a lot when she hurt me."
Dr. Moore fixed his glasses upon the bridge of his nose. "What would she say that he didn't?"
I studied my nails. "She would say things that made me feel like I deserve it. Like it was my fault. I don't think Jeremy came to physically hurt me."
"First off, let me remind you that it wasn't your fault, Jake." Dr. Moore told me. "No kid should ever go through what you've been through. It's highly abnormal and flat out wrong. There's a reason why she's in prison."
"Yea, I know that." Now.
"Let's get back to what you said about your brother. You don't think he came to physically hurt you. What about what he said? Did that hurt?"
"Yea…"
A moment of silence passed. "It's okay to be mad at him, Jake. Just because he sounds mad, doesn't mean he gets to be the only one that is mad. It's not something you can call 'dibs' on."
"…I just don't understand." I looked up helplessly at Dr. Moore. "This wasn't what I imagined. I thought I would get to be the mad one. The one that yelled or gave him the cold shoulder."
"Well. Why didn't you?"
"What?" I frowned.
"This was your chance. You saw him in person. You could have yelled at him." Dr. Moore studied me. "Why didn't you yell? Why didn't you just ignore him right away? Why did you stop to begin with?"
"Why did I stop?" I mumbled, thinking back. "Because he was there. Right there in front of me. In person."
"This was your chance to get everything off your chest. Tell him that you hated him for not being there, or that you were mad that he never came back, or maybe even blow him off like he didn't matter." Dr. Moore pushed on. "So why did you stop? What made you freeze?"
"I…I was caught off guard." I worked out. "He came to see me in person. He came to look for me. And I just thought-" I stopped. "I hoped. I had hope."
"What did you hope for?" He asked.
I looked up at Mr. Atkins, feeling slightly guilty. He gave a small smile, one that was understanding. He knew the feeling. He wanted a relationship with his dad, and never got it. "I was hoping that he was looking for me. To apologize. He wasn't supposed to be mad. He was supposed to apologize and say-" I stopped again.
Dr. Moore waited patiently, not moving an inch. He was patient, but wasn't I the same? He'll get rewarded for being patient, but I wasn't. I cleared my throat. "To say everything that I wanted to hear. 'Sorry.''I didn't know.''I'm your brother.'" I looked at the bruise again. "Instead, I got greeted like my mother would greet me. He was a lot like her in that aspect. Accusatory like I had done something wrong."
"You didn't do anything wrong." Mr. Atkins left his corner and came to sit next to me on the couch. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we sat side by side. "You probably still have hope, don't you?" I stiffened. "It's okay, if you do. Like we said yesterday, we support you no matter what. We'll always be here for you."
"He wants to do a blood test." I repeated what the boys had said yesterday.
"He probably feels some kind of guilt." Dr. Moore said. "If you're only half-siblings, then he could convince himself that you're only his mom's child. Lessen the blow to himself." He raised an eyebrow. "Do you want to do the blood test?"
I shrugged. A part of me, and a part of me didnt.
"Mr. Pickens already told us that he'll most likely have to go through with the blood test." Mr. Atkins said. "It'll probably be brought up on Monday when we go to court outselves."
"What about the game?" I asked.
"You don't have to go to court on Monday, Jake. Just me and George will do. We'll file the proper paperwork and hope to get a hearing in the coming week." Mr. Atkins patted me on the head. "You just go play with the boys, alright?"
I nodded.
